Murphy's Law....

I was originally going to write about my daughter's 1st year of preschool and her last day of school. But this past week has been so frustrating that I just had to vent here for a moment.

We're in the process of getting ready for our family vacation. We're taking a road trip back East to visit our family. (My Marine and I are fortunate that both of our families live in the same city.) Getting everything ready this week has been nothing short of a nightmare thanks to Mr. Murphy and his "Law". Yes, Mr. Murphy -- I blame you. Your life must have been so miserable that you actually had to come up with the quote "Anything that can go wrong, will." Well, your philosophy is alive and well here in the Toy Box Household.

1) Nani received a Fisher-Price FP3 player as a Christmas gift. It's a kid's version of a durable, almost indestructible MP3 player. You can listen to the preloaded kids' songs and stories, as well as load your own music on to the player. Petty neat concept - if it would have worked. I figured I'd upload some of Nani's favorite songs (and no, the Little Mermaid soundtrack was not on the list...I certainly didn't want to hear "Part of Your World" for 24 straight hours....) and a couple of her favorite books on CD. Getting the software to install was less than easy. The computer would tell me that the player wasn't connected to my computer. Well of course it was -- I could see that it was. But some tiny little man inside my computer lost his glasses and just didn't see the connection. Ok, I'll try it on our older desktop computer. No such luck. After 4 hours of uninstalling and reinstalling the software, I went to Amazon's website and started to read the reviews -- and let's just say that very few were favorable. At 2am, I gave up and told myself that I just wasted 4 hours.

2) Whenever Nani has been on super-good behavior, we'll allow her to watch a movie at bedtime. My Marine goes through the bedtime routine with Nani, tucks her in, listens to her prayers and goes to start the DVD player. Nothing. Nothing but this horrid grinding. The kind of grinding that just makes you close your eyes and think to yourself -- this isn't good. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem because we have two DVD players - but the 2nd one, ironically was shipped back to the manufacturer for repair. Now -- we're leaving in a few days for a cross-country road trip witha 4 yr. old and a 10-mos. old and NO DVD PLAYER. Now I know that families have been doing this type of trip for years.....and those families are also paying a fortune in therapy bills. We'd like to avoid that at all costs. So, I knew I'd have to suck it up and buy a new player. (There goes the eBay money I'd been saving for a new porch swing. But hey -- that's what parents do, right?)

3) As you know, our new yard is complete and we needed a sprinkler system to keep the darn thing alive while we're gone. So, off I go to Lowe's and buy what looks like a fantastic system. My Marine, excitedly goes to install it only to find out that it doesn't cover the whole yard. Back to Lowe's the system went. He comes home with a new sprinkler system and we spend about 2 hours getting it set exactly right. It worked beautifully that night. The next morning - zilch. It would only go one way and then stop. So, back to Lowe's that system goes.....and then My Marine heads over to Home Depot to see if their sprinklers will work for us. So far, they're installed and working as advertised.

4) I have a Facebook account. Another dear friend of mine got me hooked shortly before Christmas. I love my Facebook account. Now that I've been blogging, it's been a close tie to see what I check first in the morning -- Facebook or my blog. I've reconnected with some high school friends -- one of which I plan to see when I'm back home next week. That morning, I was able to check my account just fine. Later in the afternoon, I try to post a comment and received a red box warning saying that my account has been disabled because I violated the Code of Conduct. Huh?? I checked the Code of Conduct. I haven't been posting any pornography, harrassing any other members, or using my friend list to solicit business. I haven't been breaking any laws like looking for a drug deal or a hired hit man, so what could I have possibly done? I began the appeal process and started a new Facebook account as a backup. This afternoon I received a reply -- "Dear Facebook Member, we apologize for any inconvenience. Please email us the name of the account holder and the email address associated with this account and we will restore your account." That's it. No reason why. I'm still going to keep my other account as a backup.

I'm sure hoping that will everything that has gone wrong so far, this means that we'll have the best vacation ever! Here's hoping!

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Cell Phone Hell (AKA - Nani & The 911 Operator)

Yesterday was an exciting day here in the Toy Box Household. Not only did we get a new backyard, but I had to buy a new cell phone.

The piece of junk that I had was turning me into a raging lunatic every time it dropped a call. I was soooo over having to take 15 minutes to make one phone call. And don't get me started on the mystery powering off. I'd be on the phone when it would just shut off. I thought maybe it was some kind of karmic way of letting me know that my phone call was too long.....but it just got really old and really frustrating.

So, off I go to buy a new cell phone - with two children in tow - right at naptime & lunchtime. (Yes - I can hear all you mommys cringing out there. Shopping during this time is like taking your life into your hands....but I HAD to get a phone and it just couldn't wait).

I mentally prepared myself for the barrage of sales pitches that I knew I would receive. You know the ones.... "A one time deal...." "Won't see an offer like this again...." "Only $999.99 AFTER the rebate....." The salesman, although nice and a little too overly flirty (I guess he didn't notice the two kids hanging on me and calling me Mommy), DID try to push the new iPhone on me. ONLY $199.99! Seriously?? I politely told him that my phone has to pass the kick, punt and pass test. I have two kids and two dogs -- all of which have been known to drool on my phone at some point in time. Do I really need a phone where I can pull up the GPS map and zoom into the backyard of someone's house in Whoville, USA?? Do I really need a phone where I can simultaneously play Solitaire, watch my favorite TV show, post on my blog, AND download the latest stock market numbers? (Ok, maybe I could use the blog feature....but everything else?)

I stood my ground and politely told Mr. Salesman that I would prefer a more modest model - and chose a lovely Samsung slide model in a shade of cobalt blue. At that point, Mr. Salesman stopped being flirty as he saw his commission going out the window and became much more curt and business-like. (Or maybe he finally noticed Nudge in the stroller chewing on my keys and Nani twirling in circles behind me singing from The Little Mermaid once again.)

After we completed our transaction, Mr. Salesman asked me if I wanted to keep my old phone. I told him yes, I would and could he please transfer my data and then remove the battery so that I can give the phone to Nani to play with. It took just a moment and I could swear he was getting ready to pitch the iPhone to my 4-yr. old. As we were getting ready to leave, I became momentarily distracted by the girls as mothers tend to do. Assuming our business was complete, I grabbed my bag and the girls and headed out the door before total nap & hunger meltdowns took place. After strapping the girls in their carseats, I give Nani my old phone and tell her to give Grandpap a call figuring it'll keep her occupied until I can get home.

About five minutes into our drive, I hear the following conversation from the backseat.....

Hi Grandpap! It's Nani!

I'm fine...how are you? I'm coming to see you soon!

(I'm thinking....how sweet is this! Her imagination at work! Then I hear....)

I'm 4 years old.

PAUSE

My name is Nani

PAUSE

I'm a big sister

PAUSE

Mommy can't talk right now

(Uh oh......)

PAUSE

Mommy - Grandpap wants to talk to you....

(Ummm....ok.....I'll play along. At the next stop light I take the phone)

ME: Hello Grandpap!!

VOICE: M'aam - this is the Whoville 911 Dispatcher. Are you ok?

ME: WTF?? Ooops....I'm sorry....who is this again?

VOICE: M'aam this is the Whoville 911 Dispatcher. Are you ok? Are you in distress? Your daughter said you can't talk right now.

ME: Oh God....

VOICE: M'aam....do you need help? Do we need to send an officer?

(I'm thinking, you may need to send one back to the cell phone store to protect that idiot salesman who did NOT take the battery out of the cellphone like I asked)

ME: No sir, I'm perfectly fine. I just bought a new cell phone and gave my daughter the old one. It's seems that she managed to turn the phone on and in her mind, she was calling her grandpap.

VOICE: (Suppressing laughter...I can just hear it in his voice....) Well m'aam....I'm glad you're ok, but you may want to take the battery out so that this doesn't happen again. (Noooo....really????) But, be reassured...she at least knows how to call for help. You have a nice day now!

ME: Thank you for your understanding. (And for not sending a SWAT team to my location to free me from the phantom carjacker....)

NANI: Mommy can I give grandpap a kiss goodbye?

(SIGH)

It seems that you can still use a phone for emergency purposes even when it's not attached to any phone number or account. Open up the phone, hit any keys and you're immediately connected to a very nice, understanding 911 dispatcher.

I suppose that if I had bought that darn iPhone, I could have turned on the GPS and they could have tracked my location where they would have found me 5 minutes later in the McDonald's drive-thru slurping down a vanilla milkshake to calm my nerves.

Once I calmed down.....I heard this from the backseat.....

NANI: Mommy, what's an iPhone?

(SIGH!)

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Operation Green Yard

I cannot contain my excitement at the moment! I just had to come and share my joy! After 4 years of living with the Sahara desert in my backyard, I finally have GRASS!!! For those who know me and have seen our yard, you know that this is a major coup in the Toy Box Household!

When we bought this house, My Marine and I were amazed at the amount of property we inherited. We both grew up with small backyards, so the vastness of our new yard just made us smile. However, there were a few things wrong with our new yard.

Our Backyard - BEFORE

First, we had no dirt -- we had sand. And there was no grass, at least not grass as we knew it. We had tufts of vegetation sprouting throughout the yard -- crabgrass, prickly jagger bushes, etc. I swear I saw tobacco plants in one corner of the yard. We were also the proud owners of a raspberry bush, and I had visions of picking ripe raspberries and making fruit salads and more. However, the raspberry bush turned rogue, and just stopped producing. I couldn't tell if it was just being stubborn or if I scared it into barreness. So we decided that we would take it out. We thought we dug it up, but the darn thing performed a resurrection of biblical proporations, but it still wouldn't sprout. When my dad came to visit, he tried to kill it by pouring bleach on it -- but that just seemed to make it stronger. That darn thing just wouldn't die no matter what we did. But the raspberry bush met it's match last weekend when we began Phase 1 of Operation Green Yard -- the infamous rototiller. The raspberry bush gave its last gasp and threw up the white flag.

In addition to our runaway vegetation, I discovered that we were hosting a family reunion for a colony of red ants. Those silly red ants started squatting on our property the summer before My Marine returned from Iraq -- so, of course, I had to deal with this dilemma on my own. I went to Lowe's and armed myself with the best ant killers money could buy. Rambo would have been proud. I'll never forget -- it was a sunny September morning when I waged my war with the red ants. I made my first tactical error when I decided that I would dig up the Sheraton Red Ant. As red ants streamed out of the crater that was now in my yard, I realized - as I ran screaming into the house - that I made a huge mistake and began to think that nothing short of starting a brush fire in my backyard was going to make them go away. And boy, were those ants smart. They set up camps throughout the yard. They called in reinforcements. They made an alliance with the hornets from the neighboring yard. I was ready to admit defeat and call in an exterminator, but I was determined to give it one more try.

Dressed in what was nothing short of a Hazmat suit, I ventured out into the backyard once more. I had a bucket filled with hornet killing foam, ant killing spray, and sonar ant traps. Every little hole I saw, I sprayed with foam, ant spray and tossed an ant trap like I was throwing a grenade. When it was all over, my yard looked no worse for wear.....but those creepy crawlies were gone.

Now, almost two years later, Operation Green Yard is just about complete. We weeded, we tilled, we raked and graded top soil and we dug french drains. Today - the sand is gone and the raspberry bush is gone - being replaced with beautiful, sweet smelling grass. I couldn't be happier!

Phases 1 & 2 - Tilling & Grading

The finished product. Isn't it just a slice of heaven?

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Random Thoughts of An Insomniac

I'm still having trouble sleeping. It's 3:45am and I just can't fall back asleep. Maybe it was My Marine's snoring, or my geriatric German Shepherd snoring, or the thoughts, worries & to-do list for our upcoming vacation swirling in my head. So, at almost 4am, I'm sitting in my recliner, a hot cup of coffee by my side, and DVD #3 of NCIS on my TV (because I'm not in the mood to watch yet another ShamWOW! infomercial!) As I'm begging my body for sleep...random thoughts popped into my head.

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Last night before I went to bed, I soaked my knees in a hot tub because they hurt like hell. Why? I don't know. It certainly isn't from all the exercising that I've been doing trying to regain that svelte body that I'm so longing for and never really had to begin with. It could be from sitting cross-legged in my rocker for hours on end as I rock my motion baby for the umpteenth time while my oldest daughter balances a teapot on one knee and a Little Mermaid doll on the other because she wants to play tea party.

Is it possible that I could take legal action against the cable company for broadcasting at least 14 different versions of the Disney Channel on TV??

I know I should be grateful for the 6 straight hours of sleep my 10 month old gave me the other night. But somehow that got overshadowed by the endless game of peekaboo she wanted to play at 2am after crying for almost an hour.

Can I nominate the person who invented the DVR and portable DVD player for sainthood? It's only because of these ingenius devices that I'm surviving the late nights.

A 5 lb. bag of Peanut M&Ms and leftover chicken enchiladas does not a healthy meal make.

They say that dogs should calm down after being "fixed." Whoever said that hasn't met our 1.5 year old German Shepherd! I wonder if there's ADHD medication for dogs?

Can someone tell me why street cleaners travel in pairs? Yesterday morning I look out my bedroom window to see a street cleaner coming down the street. A few seconds later, rambling behind it, is a second one. I mean, I know there's nothing more important than making sure we have clean streets. Now, I'm not a complete moron - I know that they have to clean out the curbs before the next big rain so that the sewers don't get backed up and we have flooding of biblical proportions. Forget weathermen people! Want to know when the next big rain is coming - check with your local streetsweepers! But are they really cleaning? Or are they just swirling debris around leaving a water stain in their wake like a snail leaving ooze behind? And again - why in pairs? I can just picture this radio conversation......

Hey Bob - where you at?

I'm turning the corner right behind you...what's up?

Well, I think I missed a spot at the corner of "No Where" and "Some Where". You think you can pick that up for me?

Sure thing Joe, I got your back!

As I'm wondering about this, I hear that distinctive hiss as they start to come back up the street from the other direction. And - I kid you not - right in front of my driveway, they perform a figure 8 maneuver. Synchronized street sweeping? Really? Are these drivers of Asphalt Zambonis so bored that they're resorting to this?

And finally - if any of you out there are looking for a great giveaway - swing by Jadehollow's blog - http://jadehollow.blogspot.com/2009/05/debbies-big-giveaway.html to see the fantastic giveaway she's having this week!

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Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

On Tuesday morning I did not - in a sleep deprived state - try to brush my teeth using mascara. And an hour later in the same sleep-deprived state try to put the ice tea pitcher back in the cabinet with the glasses. I did not grumble to myself all day about never having a good night's sleep again (see Tuesday's post - A Good Night's Sleep)

I did not jump for joy when I found out that I actually won something thanks to the "We Heart Art," carnival on Wednesday and Thursday. I did not call my family and post my blog link on Facebook and in multiple emails so that everyone could see that I really did win something!

I did not pitch a fit when I discovered that all the CDs that I just burned for our upcoming road trip will not play in my Jeep. I did not leave the room and go into the garage so I could let loose a stream of profanities that would make a Marine blush.

I did not embarrass myself by doing a little happy dance in front of our contractor when he gave me the new estimate for our backyard -- which was considerably less than originally quoted.

I did not steal a little time for myself to take a nap while watching Season 1 of NCIS on DVD. I did not curl up for my nap with my favorite blanket and - blush - my favorite teddy bear. I did not feel the slightest bit guilty leaving the laundry baskets and full dishwasher.

I did not tell Nani that if I hear her singing again at all hours of the morning one more time that I was going to send all of her Disney Princesses to summer camp. I did not tell her that the only toys she would have would be clothespins and rocks. I did not secretly tell myself that it would be a good lesson in building her imagination.

I did not suppress the urge to cry when I walked into Nudge's room the other morning to find her covered in poo. I did not bite my lip when I found poo on the walls, the bars of her crib, all over her stuffed animals, sheets, and blankets. I did not resist the urge to just hold her under the shower spray and hope for the best.

I did not feel the teeniest bit resentful of My Marine this past week when he was able to go out for "happy hour" with his helicopter buddies twice - while I got to stay behind to do laundry, mop the kitchen floor and clean our master bathroom after earlier said poo blowout. I was not disappointed when my planned night out fell through.

I am not obsessed with finding things to write about on Not Me! Monday!

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