At My Wit's End....

I'm at my wit's end and I don't know how many times I can bang my head against the wall before a solution presents itself.

I realize that our children are different - each has their own gifts, talents, personalities, and quirks that make you wonder if your child really needs to see a psychiatrist. I love my girls -- I honestly & truly do. I love being their mommy. But I swear to all that is high & holy that I'm ready to sell Nudgie to the gypsies.

I hate to admit it - but my daughter has become THAT child.

You know the one. The one who cries constantly. The one who cries because her bottle is empty, her diaper is full, her cookie is gone or the dog ate her bagel. The one who cries because the sun is up and she has to get dressed. The one who cries because the sun went down and it's time to go to bed. The one who cries because mommy went to the bathroom to pee or went to reheat a cup of coffee. The one who cries because mommy just isn't around -- period.

You get my drift?

Yesterday was the final straw that sent me over the edge and straight to Hobby Lobby for some retail therapy. I had MOPS yesterday. As a table leader, I have a lot of responsibilities and depend on my children to behave in daycare so that I can focus on the ladies at my table. Nani is no problem. I could drop her off in the middle of the city and she'd find a friend and be happy.

Nudgie -- not so much.

She cried from the moment I dropped her off until they paged me to pick her up 20 minutes later. She fussed during the entire first half of the meeting. Pick me up, put me down. Feed me, don't feed me. Let me play with your bag, don't let me play with your bag. Thank God that my mom was there to take her out into the lobby and keep her occupied.

It's been like this for about a month or two now. I think it's gotten worse since My Marine has been gone. Nudgie has been very clingy and very cranky.

EVERY - SINGLE - DAY

She rejects everyone except me. She's ok with my mom - until she sees me. She won't go to MOPS daycare. She won't go to a sitter (unless I sneak out while she's not looking). I only hope and pray that she won't reject My Marine when he finally does come home.

I don't know how to handle this. Nani was never like this. She was never clingy. She was never this tempermental.

I keep telling myself that it's a phase....it'll pass. But for how long?

In the meantime, I just keep praying for patience.

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Halloween

I really don't like Halloween. I'm not sure why. I'll put up a few decorations in the house and outside, but we don't go overboard with the decorating.

But I do like the all the candy afterwards. Go figure!

But I just wanted to share some pictures of the girls from Halloween.

In the morning, we went to Boo at the Zoo in the morning. It was our first time going and I have to say, aside from the parking debacle and crowds of cranky parents kids, it was a lot of fun. Nani had a really good time and both girls were exhausted by the time we got home!

After naps and an early dinner, we headed out to a few houses in our neighborhood. We don't get a lot of houses giving out candy, which is sad....but both girls still really made out like bandits!

But, shhhhh......don't tell the girls that I have a bag of Milky Ways hidden in my kitchen cabinet!!

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19 Days and Counting......

My Marine comes home in 19 days and no one is more ready than I am. I miss him terribly. The girls miss him terribly. Even our DOGS miss him terribly!

I've survived though. I've survived an 18-month deployment and other short separations, so 6 weeks really should be like spitting in the ocean. But for some reason, this time was harder and I'm not sure why. Our trials and tribulations have been extremely minor (so far) and while we've had our ups and downs since he's been gone - and we've gotten through it.

Two days after he left, both girls got sick. Shortly after that, I got sick. We've made 5 doctor visits, 4 pharmacy visits, and 1 ER visit during that time.

My kitchen sink faucet started with a slow drip and then graduated to a full-blown leak (which I fixed)

My garage door began it's seasonal fit where it decides to either stick halfway in the cold weather or either not open or close altogether. (My dad gave me some suggestions for that...still working on it)

We had 15-inches (accidentally wrote feet this morning before I had my coffee!) of snow over a 24-hour period which required me to pull both of our vehicles into our garage (which is small) and is something I've never done before. (I did it and both cars survived without a scratch).

After said snowfall, I shoveled our driveway the old-fashioned way and then decided that I was going to ask My Marine for a snowblower for Christmas. (I will NEVER shovel that much snow ever again!)

I survived taking our Jeep in to have a new radio installed after a CD got stuck and could not be removed, no matter how much I tried to "persuade" it.

As a "single mom", I took both girls Trick-or-Treating at the zoo and around our neighborhood and took Nani to her ballet recital - both times taking LOTS of pictures for daddy.

I was so blessed to have two very good friends bring me & the girls a meal while I was sick. I am still praising God for those dear friends!

And I still have 19 days to go!

But in spite of those little things that we call "life happens" -- I'm still not sleeping. Usually when My Marine goes away, it takes me a couple days to get comfortable with the fact that I'm sleeping alone in the house. But this time, for whatever reason, I'm up -- all the time.....all night. Catching maybe an hour or two of sleep in between my bouts of nightly insomnia. I've tried the hot bath, warm milk, herbal tea, soft music....but nothing is working. And I'm running on fumes....

Nothing short of having My Marine home and snoring next to me again may get me to sleep at least 4 straight hours!!

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Out of Sync and The Older Generation

My mom is visiting. She's been here sinc mid-October. Now, I must preface this whole post with the fact that I love my mom and I love when she visits. It's nice having an extra pair of hands to help with the girls and I love that she gets to spend some time with them. But.....my mom and I clash.

Since she's been here, my schedule and routine is all out of whack. I have my routine. I like things in order. I don't like change - even for a short period of time. My mom is staying on the pull-out couch in our family room -- which is the heart of our home. When she's not here, I get up in the morning, have my coffee and have my early morning "me" time -- usually a prayer then computer time. I've had to relocate my laptop to my bedroom, so my morning "me" time has now been replaced with morning sleepy time. I've been lazy.....why get out of a nice warm bed? So my computer and devotion time has suffered....which sometimes isn't bad. But I haven't been in touch with friends, I haven't been devoting time to my eBay store (no new listings = no sales = no money for Christmas), and I haven't been blogging.

But this week, I've forced myself to adapt my routine. Hey - I'm a military wife -- overcome and adapt is our motto! The sickies are gone, I've been feeling better, and I was actually feeling very anxious about being so out of sync. So I pulled out my calendar and to-do list and got to work. So -- here I am.

Part of my getting back into sync included doing some laundry and cleaning up my kitchen and living room which had been sorely neglected thanks to illness (mine & the girls') and visiting parents. I should have known that my version of cleaning versus my mother's version of cleaning is gigantically different.

My mother comes from a generation where you clean & do laundry every day. Everything is in it's place and your house should maintain a museum-like quality. Her generation vacuumed every day and hand-picked lint off the carpet. I'm lucky I vacuum once a week (maybe twice if the dogs are shedding) and the only lint I'm handpicking is the stuff that Nudgie puts in her mouth. Her generation washed walls.....I paint over them or hang more of Nani's artwork. Her generation made sure our toys were put back into their proper places.......I leave them go for a day or two, kicking aside a path through the house.

Leaving laundry in the basket irritates my mom. I can leave the laundry so I can sit on the floor and color with my daughters. My mom will ask - can I fold that for you? I think it's her subtle way of saying - you know, your house is a mess, let me help you clean it up. And I'll tell her no -- I didn't ask you to fly thousands of miles so that you can fold my laundry....play with your granddaughters. Which is my subtle way of saying - leave me alone, I'll have plenty of time to clean when they are in school full-time.

Now, I will admit that there are times when I am a complete slob -- usually when My Marine is out of town. I'll let things go for days on end because I just don't want to be bothered. But I eventually get with it and put my house back in order. But I'm not going to devote hours on end to cleaning and scrubbing and folding when I could be devoting those same hours to my girls.

Again - I love my mom. She raised us with what she knew. But I can't recall a time when laundry would sit so she would color with me or play a game. I can't recall a time when the vacuum would sit so we could take a walk or go to the playground. During one visit, I was doing a craft with Nani and my mom made the comment that she never did that stuff with me & my brother. I agreed - but in her defense, she didn't have a lot of the resources that we as moms have today. Again - she raised us with what she knew.

I just wish she knew to relax and know that it's ok to let the house go -- for just a little while......

And I guess that I could learn too that it's ok to put a little extra effort into your home.....

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The House of Sickness.......

I'm finally coming from our fog of sickness to say hello and that we are finally getting well.

After almost two weeks of sickness, we are finally starting to smile again. It's been hell on earth here. It never fails. My Marine leaves and there is some form of sickness in the house. This time it hit all three of us.

What started as a cold for me turned into the full-blown flu. The girls, thankfully, just stayed with the colds - but they were stubborn suckers. Holding on for almost two weeks.

What made the whole thing so frustrating and exhausting was the fact that mommy's don't get sick. They're not supposed to get sick. And no matter how bad I was feeling, I had to focus all my energy on my babies. They needed me more.

I'd spend hours holding one while the other was wrapped in a blanket snuggled at my feet on the couch. I'd alternate nights - sitting up with one, nursing a fever and the never-ending cough - only to switch to the other one the next night.

I'm amazed that my body hasn't totally given out on me yet. But I hold on, because I have to. Because my babies needed me.

But over the weekend, the sun started to shine. The fevers had broken, the coughs were getting softer and fewer, and the girls were sleeping through the night.

We still have a ways to go yet before we're all completely healed......but I'll just take a quiet naptime just so I can catch up on sleep now too.

It sucks to be sick......

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