"1SG In A Box" Care Package

In my role as FRG Leader for our unit, I am so blessed to have an amazing Command Team that works closely with me.  And I have to say that I LOVE our unit's 1SG.....and especially his sense of humor.

With that in mind, I thought that I'd share one of my care packages with him.  I realize that there are some things that the Army will issue to him to assist him with his job.  However, there are a few things that the Army does NOT issue.....and personally, I think these are much more important!  So I put together some essential items to help him with his day-to-day duties!

Oveall picture of the box and its contents

Side Panel

Close up of items in the box

Checklist of items in box and what they are to be used for. 

In case you couldn't read the list in the picture, here's the text:

1SG Checklist: 

· Hemorrhoid Wipes:  Because some Soldiers are just a big pain in the ass

· Trash Bags, Drop Cloth & Toilet Paper:  Because working with some Soldiers is like potty-training a puppy or a toddler.  They piss everywhere when yelled at and you’re constantly needing to pick up/wipe their shit.

· Protective Eye Gear & Face Mask:  Because when some Soldiers fling you a line of bullshit, you need to protect yourself.

· Tongs & Gloves: Because NO ONE wants to touch someone’s bullshit…not ever!

· Bullshit Detector:  You know when you’re being handed a line of bullshit.  Save your vocal cords!  Don’t yell!  Just hit the Bullshit Detector and all is well!

· Nutcracker:  Every Soldier needs to have a good “nut-crackin’” just to keep them in line.

· Advil, Pepto, Heartburn Meds, Milk of Magnesia:  Because at some point, someone is either going to give you a migraine, an ulcer, heartburn, or acid reflux

· Coffee & Coffee Mug:  Because it’s a rule that every 1SG MUST drink coffee…even if it IS out of a Mickey Mouse mug

· Stress Reduction Kit:  Because no self-respecting 1SG will “reduce his stress” with yoga or Zen meditation.  A good old-fashioned head banging will just do the trick!

 

I really wish I could be there when he opens the box!!