Tips To Help Your Child With Deployment

 

 

Many military families are facing deployment on a regular basis and some of the most affected are the children that have a difficult time grasping what is happening in the world around them  -  especially when it comes to a family member deploying.  The confusion and chaos can affect life on the playground, in school, and in other social situations.  The most important thing an adult can do to help children deal with deployment is to educate them about what is happening. Following these easy steps can help:

 

Define Deployment
Making sure children understand what the word “deployment” means is incredibly important. The word is used in the media, at the dinner table, and in everyday conversation. Explaining where mommy/daddy is going (with a general overview of the region or country) and what he/she will be doing (without going into incredible detail) will help children gain an understanding of what is happening.  For the soldier, if you can, let your child help you pack.  Letting your child help you pack will allow him/her to be more involved in the process and also allow them to "care" for you.  Ask your child to draw some pictures so that you can hang them once you get settled.  Not only will they have great fun but you will enjoy their artwork for days and months to come.

Assure Children and Answer Questions

Children will worry about the safety of the deployed parent.  It is incredibly important to the child to know that their loved one has been well-trained at the job that he/she will do.  Children, at any age, will ask questions. The important thing to remember is that brushing off a question will not make it go away. Even the hardest questions need to be answered, but they should be answered in an age appropriate manner.  Be honest. Be fair. Children going through deployment deserve to have questions answered just as much as adults do. Not knowing how to answer every question is ok, but know that there are many resources available that can help to answer even the most challenging questions.  Reassure your children that you will always love them no matter what and that you will get through this deployment together.

 
Consistency and Routine

At any time, children need routine and structure….but more so during deployments.  They feel insecure because of all the uncertainties regarding deployment and a predictable routine and home life makes them feel secure and safe.  Give your children a few extra responsibilities.  When children have responsibilities, they cope better. Informing the children that they have a job to do while their loved one is deployed is an excellent way to make sure they feel included and important. Assigning an age-appropriate tasks can help ease fear associated with being separated from a loved one for a long period of time.

 
Stay Connected

Kids need to maintain a bond with the parent who is away.  Whether it’s writing letters, saying a special prayer, counting down the days on a calendar, or finding where mommy or daddy is on a map, staying connected is very important.  Kids also need to maintain a bond with the parent who is still at home.  Daily discussions about their feelings and/or fears is important.  It allows the child to express his/her thoughts in a safe environment without being judged.

 
Communicate with Teachers, Coaches, Etc.

If your child is school-age and/or has extra-curricular activities, be sure to talk with the teachers, coaches, etc. to let them know what is going on at home.  It’s always helpful to have as many supporters in your child’s corner!

Good Behavior/Bad Behavior

Children have a tendency to test the boundaries and the parent at home may feel guilty about having to be both mom and dad and give in more often than you should.  Misbehavior during deployment CAN be a result of negative feelings, it is important to set limits and have consequences.  Problems can be eliminated by making a chart and pre-determining consequences for bad behavior.  On the flip side, it is also recommended to set up positive behavior rewards such as sticker charts or marble jars.  Again—try to remember to be age-appropriate.

When in doubt—just remember to let your child know that he/she is not alone and that, as a family, you will get through this together! 

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It's Not "Happy Memorial Day"

I'm sorry, but I find it very offensive when I see people all over Facebook wishing a "Happy Memorial Day"  There is nothing "Happy" at all about it.  Especially to those who have lost a loved one in the service of our Country.

The happy Mickey Mouse in the corner just pushed me over the edge.

No......just......NO!

THIS is Memorial Day......

And this.......

 

 

And this.........

This is Chief Warrant Officer 5 David R. Carter who was killed in action in Afghanistan on Aug. 6, 2011.

Carter was the copilot of a CH-47 Chinook and was one of 30 U.S. service members, including four other Army crewmembers, 22 Navy SEALs, three special operations Airmen, seven Afghan commandos, an interpreter and a dog, who died in Wardak province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when their helicopter crashed.  The loss of life aboard Extortion 17 was, to that date, the worst single-day loss of American life since the beginning of the Afghan war.

 

He was a member of our Battalion.  He was a friend.  He was someone we knew.  He is someone we miss every single day.

 

And every time I see the happy Mickey Mouse or Betty Boop in her bikini wishing everyone a Happy Memorial Day, I get more and more offended and upset.

Memorial Day has always been the traditional "kick off" for summer....and there is nothing wrong with gathering together for a cookout and enjoying your three-day weekend.

All I ask is that while you're doing that, take just a minute or two to think of all those who have sacrificed their lives to allow you to even have that freedom to BBQ.

And next time you want to say "Happy Memorial Day", please consider saying

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Staying Connected Through a Deployment

When My Marine and I were first married, he was active duty and was often gone for months at a time.  Being newly married, I was desperate to try to stay connected to my husband in some way.  So one day, I spent an afternoon in a book store browsing the “Marriage and Relationship” section.  I found two books that sounded promising and was looking forward to spending an evening searching the pages for the keys to keeping the fires of this crazy military marriage alive.

My high hopes soon dissolved into hilarity.

“Have a candlelight dinner,” the list began. Yep—that candlelight dinner alone will really help me a lot. 

“Give each other fifteen-minute back rubs,”   Kind of hard when you’re alone.  I have trouble scratching my own back, let alone give myself a back rub! 

And the list went on and on…...“Go for a scenic drive together. Plan a romantic picnic. Have a pillow fight. Spend an evening in front of the fireplace.” 

I quickly realized that the miles and the months that routinely separated us make most marriage books and seminars pointless, even painful.

But over the years, I’ve had to get creative…..getting ideas from other spouses, articles, and websites.  So here are a few ideas that you can try as well!

 

· Set a clock ahead in your home to reflect your spouse's deployment time zone.

· Create a play list/CD to send.  Use songs that mean something to you or songs that your Soldier know that you miss him/her.  I made one for My Marine during our first big deployment and timed it so that it arrived close to our wedding anniversary.  (He was gone during our 10th anniversary).  The first two songs were our wedding songs followed by a list of “I miss you” songs.  I made a second copy for me to have so that I could know that we were both listening to the same songs.  He loved it and we still listen to it from time to time.

· Keep your Soldier close.   By a couple of plain pillowcases and using an iron-on transfer, put a picture of your Soldier (and you/your family) on it and send in a care package.  (You keep one for yourself and spritz with cologne).  Or use fabric paint and write each other a little note on the pillowcase.

· Keep a box where you can put in fun items to send to your Soldier.  (My "box" was a giant, oversized laundry basket!)  Decks of card, footballs, Frisbees, etc.  When you are out doing errands and see something that your Soldier would enjoy, buy it and toss it in the box when you get home. Send your care packages every 2-3 weeks during the deployment.  (More on mailing care packages to come!)

· If your Soldier is a reader, pick a book to read together while he’s gone.  Start your own little personal book club and talk about the books.  You can do the same thing with movies too.  Send him a DVD of a movie that you want to see and pick a time to talk about it.

· Keep a phone journal. Jot down things that you want to tell your spouse when he/she calls. Rule of thumb: always say “I love you” FIRST and before anything else, just in case you lose connection.

· Choose something that happens occasionally in nature, i.e., a full moon, a brilliant rainbow, or a shooting star, and agree together that while you are apart, when one of you sees this, it will serve as quiet reminder of your committed love for one another.

· Celebrate missed birthdays and anniversaries anyway! Take photos of the cake you made for him/her, blow out the candles, videotape you and your family singing Happy Birthday and send them in your next care package. Your Soldier will never forget your thoughtfulness.

· While technology is an amazing thing, don’t rely on it 100%.  Email is handy and speedy, as is Skype, but nothing replaces a letter written by your own hand.  Spritz your letters with your perfume/cologne and seal it with a kiss.

· Set a goal together!  Plan a trip for after your soldier returns.  Plan a home project to work on together.  Having a goal that is decided on together will make your soldier feel like he/she is still a part of the planning process. 

Just remember — Communicate often through whatever means you have available to you whether it’s the mail, email, internet chat or packages. Let each other know you’re thinking of each other.

Something simple can mean a lot!

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Throwback Thursday - Nani's To Do List

I love the concept of Throwback Thursday.  So instead of posting a picture today, I thought I'd share one of my favorite blog posts.  This one was originally posted in October 2009 when Nani was only 4.  Enjoy!

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Ok, so my whole family knows that I am a compulsive list maker. I have lists that refer me to lists. I have a list for everything.....groceries, daily tasks, weekly tasks, monthly tasks, craft projects, books to read, blogs to write.....and the list (no pun intended) goes on.

And then I thought.....what if Nani had a to-do list? What would a 4-year old Disney-princess loving, preschool-going, ballet-dancing little girl possibly have on her list? I think, like mommy, she would have a couple of lists....one for mommy and one for daddy......and maybe even one for Nudgie.

But for fun, I think I'll start with Daddy's list.......

Nani's To-Do List for a day with Daddy....

Scam daddy into feeding me chocolate cake for breakfast and then tell mommy that it was Zoja's idea.

Reassure daddy that I really do like to wear matching socks and coordinated clothes.

Teach daddy how to finally do my hair the way mommy does and show him that combing my hair does not involve scissors and the use of words that I'm never supposed to say.

Show daddy the channels for Sproutlets and Disney so that I don't have to watch the Military Channel ever again.


Tell daddy that teaching me the ABCs does not include learning to spell the entire starting lineup for the Pittsburgh Penguins. (Stupid Russian names....what 4-yr. old knows how to spell Fedotenko & Evgeni??)

Apologize to daddy for calling one of his favorite players Satan, when his real name is pronounced Sha-tan


Tell daddy that when I ask him to play with me & my Legos, that I really don't need to have a full-scale reproduction of a Blackhawk helicopter....a simple little house for my dolls will do just fine.


Show daddy that I finally learned to "Rock On"

Let daddy know where my favorite books are so that I don't get another bedtime story from the Army Times newspaper. (Once upon a time there was a soldier.....)

Apologize to God when Daddy asks me to pray for free happy hour after work.


Give daddy the biggest hug ever and tell him that he's still my favoritest daddy ever!

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We Don't Celebrate Valentine's Day.......

I should correct that to say that My Marine and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day any more.  We still like to do special things for our girls.  We live vicariously through them -- reliving our own childhood Valentine's Day nightmares memories as we watch them pour over boxes of valentines....ever so picky about getting just the right ones.  Do you get the ones with tattoos?  Do you get the ones with the cute puppy stickers?  Or do you throw caution to the wind and make your own?  And God-forbid you actually take the initiative and  buy the valentines for them without their approval  -  "Mooooo-ooooommmyyyy!  WHY did you buy the valentines with the bubbles?  Bubbles were so last year!" 

But we make it special for the girls -- little baskets filled with goodies, little hearts taped to their door with all the reasons why we love them so much, special Valentine's Day dinner and movie.  Whatever we do, it's all for them.  See....we're not total Valentine's Grinches!

Anyway -- where was I?  Oh yeah....why we don't celebrate Valentine's Day as a couple anymore. 

You may say "Oh, you've lost the magic."  But here's the thing.  We've been together 20+ years.....since we were 17 years old.  We've been through the cutesiness of the early-dating stages of Valentine's Day.  The flowers.  The cute (and now looking back, wildly inappropriate) cards.  The requisite chocolate and stuffed animals.  Then My Marine joined the military and we were hardly ever together for Valentine's Day.  Sure, he'd send me flowers, which I completely appreciated and loved....but Valentine's Day for me slowly turned into "The Day That I Sat At Home Alone With My Dog, Eating Chocolate Ice Cream Straight From The Container While Watching "Sleepless In Seattle""  It lost it's sparkle and meaning.

I don't need one day out of the year where we are encouraged to be extra nice to each other and buy stuff just because it's on the calendar.  I really do that for him any other day.  Like when I pick up nachos and salsa for him because it's his favorite snack.  Or when I'll stop and pick up a couple micro-brews that I think he'll like.  Or when he'll unload and load the dishwasher for me.  Or when he'll go out and pick up ice cream for me -- even if it's 9 o'clock at night.

I don't need an overpriced dinner -- where I have to stand and wait for a table amongst the unwashed masses waiting for my little dinner beeper to start buzzing and flashing.....only to be served by a cranky waiter who got stuck with Valentine's duty because he was low man on the totem pole.

I don't need overpriced flowers -- which usually end up dying within a day or two anyway.

I don't need mushy cards -- when all I need to do is look at him and we start laughing at something together.....because our minds just work that way now.

I don't need chocolate.  Wait....who am I kidding?!  OF COURSE I NEED CHOCOLATE!  What woman DOESN'T need chocolate!  And at least I got to go and pick out what I wanted.....instead of getting one of those sampler boxes that you end up taking one bite of and then leaving the rest of it in the box because it was that God-awful gooey filled stuff that you're just not sure what flavor it is.

If I really wanted a Valentine's gift it would be something that I would find useful....like having him put the seat down when he pees.  Or actually putting his dirty underwear and stinky, fuel-soaked flight suits in the hamper instead of on the floor AROUND the hamper.  Or one night, by myself, at the Doubletree Hotel where I can have a snore-free night's sleep.

My point is this -- as a military spouse, we learn to cherish every single day, every single minute.  He could deploy again for another year.  He could be sent on temporary duty (TDY) for who knows how long.  We never know how long we'll be together, so we take each day as it comes and take the opportunity to show our love and affection every single day.

So, in the end, I guess you could say that we DO celebrate Valentine's Day........we just do it every day.

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Tips For Surviving Deployment

 

 

 

Surviving deployment.  It is a skill that military spouses are always trying to master.  I used to think that it would get easier with each deployment, but the truth is.....it never gets easier because each deployment brings it's own challenges.  I've gone through deployments single, with a newborn, and with two school-aged children.  This last deployment was NOTHING like the first deployment....but I CAN say that I've learned something new and different about myself each deployment.

But you CAN survive it....whether or your first or fifth!  Over the years, I've gained some wisdom and tips that I'd like to share here.

 

Be Prepared

As your Soldier prepares his pre-deployment checklist, there are things you can be doing at home to prepare as well.  Do you know where the main water valve shut off is in your home? Would you know what to do if your water tank starts to leak or if you smell gas from your furnace?  Put together a binder or folder of emergency numbers (friends, family, repairmen, Family Programs, Rear Detachment, etc.)

 

Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help Or Take Help

This was always hard for me.  I always felt that I had to do it alone.  I had something to prove.  But all I proved was that I COULDN'T do it alone!  If someone offers to help - TAKE IT and gratefully say thank you!

 

Do Not Compare!

Do not compare your relationship or service members to the others.  I made the mistake of doing this early into our first Iraq deployment.  Webcams were very new and Skype wasn't even around yet.  I kept hearing how everyone was webcamming with their spouses and became very upset.  The reality was My Marine didn't have a laptop of his own at that time and just didn't have the time to mess with it.  He had a job to do.  Just because another service member calls home/Skypes/emails every day and yours doesn’t, means nothing. Your spouse may be busy, may be resting, or may not have a good connection to even try and get in touch with you.  Do not assume that the lack of communication means that they do not love you.

 

Take Care Of You

Remember that thing about asking for help?  Ask a friend to watch your kids for a couple of hours or hire a sitter so that you can take some downtime.....whether it's going for a coffee or just going grocery shopping alone.  Make it a regular thing.  When you're a single parent during a deployment, you are ON 24/7.  There's no one to take turns getting up with a sick kid or tag team for parent/teacher conferences.  It's all you.  You will get tired.  Your fuse will be short.  Taking that time for you every once in awhile is ESSENTIAL!

 

It Really DOES Take A Village

Try to schedule some regular time with other spouses.  During this last deployment, at least once a weekend I would try to get together with a couple other milspouses and our kids. We'd make pizza, let them run themselves sleepy, and then set them up on the floor for a giant sleepover with popcorn and movies. We would get a break where we could have some drinks and bitch about deployment -- and the kids were forming bonding friendships and making some fun memories.  Those nights are what kept me going through this last deployment.

 

Find a Routine But Don't Overextend Yourself

My first deployment with Nani was hard.  I was by myself in a new state hundreds of miles from my family.  I joined a local MOMS Club and we participated in their activities at least 3-4x a week.  During this last deployment I threw myself into volunteering....a lot....with school, with Family Programs, with church....and I got burned out.  I was so busy with everyone else that I had no time for ME.  It's ok to say NO to chairing the PTA's Snowball Festival so you can have a night where you sit in your PJs eating ice cream from the container while your kids watch "The Lego Movie" or "Frozen" for the 100th time in their rooms. 

 

Stay Connected

Plan regular care packages for your spouse.  Email/FB/Skype whenever you can.  Keep your Soldier informed of what's going on at home.  He wants to be involved even though he's not physically there.  Keep him involved in decision-making and disciplining the kids.  But sometimes there's just not time for a consultation and you'll have to make decisions on your own.  Be prepared to share how you made the choice for what needed to be done.   

 

Discover A New You!

During our Iraq deployment, I was trying to figure out who I was as a mom....Nani was only 8 months old when My Marine deployed and came back a month before her 2nd birthday.  Not only was I a first-time mom, but I was also a single mom.  Nani and I bonded immensely that deployment.  This last deployment was the Deployment of Me.  I lost weight, I colored my hair pink, I found out that I loved kickboxing and weight training and I discovered a new-found self-esteem and self-confidence that I never had before.  Try a new hobby, go back to school.....but try something new and different.....just for YOU!

 

Go With The Flow

The Deployment Curse will happen.  Things will break down, water will leak, animals and children will get sick.  It's ok to lose it....for a bit.  But then you have to take that deep breath and then figure out how to get done what needs to be done.  (That's when the "Be Prepared" comes in handy!)

 

And finally.......

Embrace The Suck

Yes, deployments suck.  No one enjoys being separated from their loved ones.  But in the end, this experience will be what YOU make of it.  It's YOUR choice.  You can choose to be miserable, mopey and gloomy every day or you can choose to embrace this opportunity placed before you.

 

So there you have it!  I know there are more tips out there, but these are the tried and true ones that have seen me through!  If you're a spouse that has gone through deployment, what are some of YOUR tips?



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The Constant Thing About Deployments....Whether Your First or Fifth

As I flipped over the calendar to March yesterday morning (yes....I'm almost a week late....), I realized that My Marine has been home 9 months already!  This time last year, I was in the throes of yet another deployment.  I remember someone saying to me before he left, "Oh, it's got to be a little easier for you this time around....."  As I stared at this person, I paused before speaking -- really weighing my words before responding that no.....no, it doesn't get easier.  Each deployment, each TDY brings it's own brand of crazy.  This time around, I was having to do it with two girls -- two girls who were old enough to fully understand that Daddy was going away for awhile.  I didn't have that last time.....

BUT.....with that in mind....there ARE some things that stay "constant" throughout ANY deployment -- whether it's your first or your fifth......


*  Waterproof mascara?  It's a lie.........

*  Let's be honest -- you and your kids will eat more cereal, mac & cheese, frozen pizza, McDonald's Happy Meals and PB & J than you'd like to admit.  And there will be days....maybe even weeks.....where your laundry will consist of pajamas and yoga pants. 

*  If it can break -- it will.  Usually within hours of your Soldier leaving.  I've had electrical problems, plumbing problems, appliance problems -- all within a 48 hour period of My Marine leaving.  By this last deployment, my emergency contact list and speed dial included the Rear D contact, the plumber, and the appliance repairman.

*  The post man/flower delivery man really is not out to get you.  If you don't get a promised delivery/letter/package when you were supposed to, I PROMISE you it's not a conspiracy to drive you insane or plant the seed of "My Soldier doesn't love me".  Likewise, the clerk at your favorite liquor store is not staging an intervention when he tells you that your wine is not in stock.  Leaning across the counter and growling "You don't want to see me angry" will not help your cause.  Always have a backup liquor store just for these cases -- preferrably a drive-through one where you can still wear your pajamas......

*  If illness/broken bones can strike -- they will.  During My Marine's first deployment to Iraq, Nani came down with chicken pox the day after he left.  She was 8 months old.  This last deployment -- I contracted walking pneumonia.  It's bound to happen.  Stock up on chicken broth, ACE bandages, OJ, and put the number for Poison Control into your speed dial.......

*  Your brain will turn to mush and aside from pinning your To-Do list to your yoga pants, there's really not much you can do about except to buy Post-It notes in bulk and tell anyone who comes to visit that you're re-enacting a scene from your favorite movie "A Beautiful Mind"

*  Your car will leak, make noise, overheat, not heat at all, not start, start and stall, have a flat, have two flats, be thrown up in, be scratched and dented and have cracks in the windshield.  All I can say is keep your AAA up-to-date and your mechanic's number in your speed dial.

*  Your DVR/Netflix/Hulu queue will be filled with two things -- movies that you excitedly stockpiled because NOW you can finally watch all those tearjerker chick flicks that your husband won't watch...AT....ALL and mindless fluff shows that don't require much concentration or thought (Cake Boss marathon anyone?)  What you won't be surprised to know is that you probably won't watch any of them and this will lead your husband to ask "Why do you have Talledega Nights on the DVR from July 2012?" when he does come home and finds the DVR at 99% capacity and he can't tape the NHL All-Star game.  (Not that this happened here of course.....)

*  That Deployment Bucket List?  Yeah.......the only thing that should really be put on that list is SURVIVAL!

*  And finally......that last month before Homecoming will be here before you know it.  And you will run around like a crazy woman trying to "get everything done".  If there's one piece of advice you take away from this whole blog post it's this -- HE DOESN'T CARE!  TRUST ME!  He doesn't care if there's new carpeting, an addition to the house, new flooring, etc.  All he wants is to see you and the kids!  You will only drive yourself crazy trying to get it all done and you don't need the stress.  Take the time you would spend doing all that and hire a housecleaner.  And while the Merry Maids are scrubbing your toilet, get a mani/pedi, stock up the fridge with his favorite foods/beer, put fresh sheets on the bed, run the vacuum, and make a few homecoming signs.

But in spite of all these facts....you WILL get through it.  You WILL remember to breathe everyday.  And you WILL tell yourself that you will come out stronger than you ever thought possible.

Of course you will......you're a Military Spouse!  Now go grab a bottle of wine, a fresh pair of pj's and tuck yourself in for an episode of Cake Boss!

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Reasons Why I Love the Military

I love the military and I love being a military wife. 

Yes - I said it.

I honestly could not imagine my life any other way.  If you would have told me way back when that I would be military wife, raising my kids alone at times, living hundreds of miles away from my family, I would have ran crying to my room and not come out until.....well.....never.

But....here we are.  17 years of marriage, 2 kids, 2 year + long deployments, numerous TDYs and schools, and a lifestyle that I wouldn't change for the world.

Even as I sit here in one of the bluest times I've ever experienced, I can still find the positive about the military:

Extended Family:  Thanks to the military (Marines AND Army National Guard) we now have "family" from coast to coast.  Some of my friends here in Colorado ARE family.  Our very good friends, Mike and Cindy, are Nudgie's Godparents.  Within our circle, our kids call our friends "Auntie" and "Uncle".  We watch TV shows together via FB....just recently, two Marine Corps girlfriends and I watched a silly reality show together - me in Colorado, DeAnne in Texas, and Kara in North Carolina.  We cracked each other up with our running commentary via Facebook.  The only thing missing was our other friend Anna in California.  God help you if you ever get us all into a room together again!


Pride:  I can't even begin to express the pride I feel knowing my husband serves.  He knew, all along, that the military was going to be his life path.  While it wasn't the path that he expected, it turned out to be a better path for him.  He is good at his job and is respected in his field.  I am so in awe in of him.  It's a great feeling knowing that I'm married to someone who is willing to sacrifice so much to do something that he loves.  He is my hero.


The Uniform:  Seeing anyone wear the uniform makes me smile and just want to give them a hug!  But My Marine??  Do I really need to explain this?  Who does NOT love a man in uniform?   When he was in the Marines, seeing him in those dress blues would make me want to do some very unmentionable things!  Seeing him in his flight suit makes me heart go pitter-patter and puts butterflies in my stomach.  Sexiness and hotness.....the end!


Finding My Strength:  During our 17 years of marriage (all in the military), I have raised children alone, packed up and moved, done numerous household and car repairs and dealt with more little brush fires than I care to deal with.  But deal with them I did.  It took going through an 18-month deployment for me to discover that I really did have an inner strength and confidence that I didn’t know I had. I went from "I can't do this" to "I'm going to try and if I can't do it, then I'll call someone".  I learned (and am still learning) that while it's ok to "BE STRONG" and "DO IT ON MY OWN" it's still ok to ask for help.


Stronger Marriage:  I know....I know what you're thinking...."How can they have a strong marriage when they're apart so much?"  Trust me....it ain't easy.  We've had our low points....and even at one point came periously close to divorce.   Marriage is tough....period.  But when you add the stress of separation on top of it, it's amazing that military marriages survive.  But survive we do.  When we're apart, I remember the little things that drive me crazy when he's home (snoring, sweetener packets left all over the kitchen counter, dirty socks & flight suits)....and I wish I could have them back.  When we're together, we appreciate the little things more - even though after a few weeks they start to drive me crazy again.  I don't need flowers and candy and gifts for each birthday, anniversary, special occasion.  Is he home?  That's all I need.  While we still snip and argue, we've also learned to try to let it go a little more.  I never know when he'll come home and tell us he's leaving again for another school or TDY.  We cherish the moments that we have together.


Homecomings:  This just doesn't include homecomings from deployment either.  It could be a homecoming from a school, a TDY, or a 2-week AT.  The days building up to that anticipation, making sure everything is right, picking out an outfit, frantic cleaning all lead up to that wonderful day when he comes home.  Even now, my heart skips a beat thinking about the homecoming from THIS deployment.  There is nothing hotter than experiencing that "first kiss" over and over and over again!

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Menu Monday and Murphy's Law - Military Style.

I would normally do my Menu Monday post here -- but to be honest -- I got nothing.  I'm winging it this week.  My Marine left yesterday for a 2 week training class so the girls and I are on our own.  I forsee lots of mac and cheese in my future this week with a little PB and J thrown in too.

It could also be that I'm afraid to use any of my kitchen appliances while My Marine is gone.  You know my old nemisis - Mr. Murphy?  I'm afraid that he'll be back with full force.  The last time he made his appearance I had a flood in my backyard, had my vacuum cleaner almost burn down my house and had our deck swing attack.  It was not pretty, people.

This time was no different.  My Marine left yesterday morning and already Mr. Murphy is starting to work his mojo.  Where do I start?

How about the morning that I had to take My Marine to the airport, Nudgie woke up at 4am in a crying fit and then threw up everywhere --for the next two hours.

Or how about the tire blowout I had while taking My Marine to the airport.  Our brand - new - tires that we just had put on a week ago.  All I have to say is thank God, the Virgin Mary and all the Saints that My Marine was with me and was able to change the tire -- because I'd probably STILL be sitting on the side of the road crying.

What makes this even wierder???  Well one of My Marine's buddies is also taking the same class, but a week ahead of him.  Last week on the way to the airport, they ALSO have a tire blow out......on the SAME PART OF THE ROAD AS US!!!  So follow me here.....

Both are guys are attending the SAME class - just a week apart......
They get a flat tire on the SAME spot of the road as us......

I couldn't make this up if I tried.  See why I'm afraid to use any electrical appliances???

I'm just going to wrap me and the kids up in bubble wrap and call it good.  Sounds like a good plan.....don't you think?

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In Response to "Stirring the Pot" and UPDATE

Tonight I came across a blog that set my blood boiling.  Army Wife, Army Life wrote a post calling out the National Guard saying that our spouses are NOT soldiers and that we cannot call ourselves Army Wives.  Through a friend's suggestion - I removed the link to her post because I just won't give her any more traffic to her blog.  (UPDATE:  Since the social media firestorm, her blog has now officially been removed!)

Well, let's just say that did not sit well with me at all -- and me being not one to keep my mouth shut had a lengthy response written and all ready to post -- until I discovered that she shut down comments for her blog.  If you can't stand the heat.....

But I still have a response to you sweetheart......read on......

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First of all - yes, this is your blog and you are entitled to your opinion. But, if you are not prepared for the backlash of comments in response to your ignorance, then you should have just kept your little “Army Wife” mouth shut.  And obviously you couldn't handle the responses because you shut down comments on your blog.

Second - how DARE you. How DARE you think that you and your husband are so far above any National Guard service member and to say that we don’t rate ourselves as Army wives or that our husbands can't call themselves soldiers. How about you say those words to the widow of a great man that we just buried from our battalion this past August because he was shot down in his helicopter in Afghanistan? Or how about you say to the other SOLDIERS from his unit that their PTSD does not matter because they are not soldiers - according to YOUR definition.

I HAVE been an active duty wife. My husband served in active duty for 6 years. After a distinguished career in active duty, he choose to join the National Guard and I now proudly call myself an ARMY WIFE. As a National Guard SOLDIER, my husband puts on the uniform EVERY SINGLE DAY and reports to work at the base. He was under the impression that by joining the National Guard, things would slow down (the one-weekend a month, 2-weeks a year that you refer to). We couldn’t have been more wrong.

Since joining the National Guard, he has been deployed multiple times, participated in the same training exercises that “Big Army” does, is gone for weeks, often months, at a time for training courses and schools (just like your husband would be), has been called out in the middle of the night for state or national emergencies, and has been supporting active duty units that can’t support themselves while they are CONUS. Not to mention that over half of the National Guard are prior active duty (meaning that they come from ALL services) And so you want to tell them that they are not “real soldiers”?

And now, I have issue with some of your points:

“Respect the higher ranks. When I met my husband's 1SG, I made sure to put my best foot forward. I put on a nice outfit, did my hair, and put makeup on my face. Used manners; ma'am, sir, please, and thank you. I sat quietly and spoke only when addressed. If I had a question, I waited for a break in the conversation, and said 'Excuse me.' It's simple really. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses get together for an event with their spouses.” 　

Boy, you sure make us National Guard wives out to be a bunch of hicks. Let me just tuck my bra strap in my shirt and put down my beer can before I say that obviously, you have not been around active duty wives too much sweetheart. Because, unfortunately, there are active duty wives out there who can’t spell manners, let alone know the meaning of it. So before you lump all of us into an uneducated, unmannered group of misfits, take a drive down Main Street of an active duty base….and then we’ll talk.


“Respect your husband when he's in uniform. Just because my husband and I aren't on post when he's in his uniform, I keep the 'handling' to a minimum. Technically, you aren't even supposed to hold hands with him when he's in uniform. I keep a hand on the Hub's elbow, or not at all. I don't sit on his lap, I don't make out with him, we hardly kiss for that matter. I see none of this when Vermont Guard spouses are together.”

Hold on one second while I take my tongue out of my husband’s mouth….and let me refer you again to the above statement.


“Respect the uniform itself. Don't put it on and take sexy pictures with it, with boobs/butt falling out all over the place. That's just trashy. A fun picture with his cover on is one thing, flaunting your assests is another."

Ok, I need to stop laughing before I respond to this one. Have you seriously read what you wrote? “Don’t put it on and take sexy pictures…” However, you husband responds in his defense of your writing that, and I quote, "She looks great and very sexy in the uniform” Ummmm….have you LOOKED at the picture on your blog??? Oh, and please use spell check for “assets”.


You have been a military wife for less than a year. I have been a military wife for almost 17 years now. I dare you to respond to me and not call me an Army wife. I dare you to tell the widow of that helicopter pilot of more than 20+ years that she is not an Army wife. I could sit here and bash your husband and not call him a “real soldier” because he’s just a recruiter, but I would not lower myself to your standards. Your husband is a soldier -- just like mine. We’re supposed to be on the same side -- fighting for the same cause -- for the country we love.


UPDATE:

The commander of a Vermont-based Army recruiting station issued a public apology yesterday  afternoon for the remarks made by a soldier there on an inflammatory, viral blog post written by that soldier’s wife that sent the online spouse community into a whirlwind.

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