Deployment In Our Future....Here We Go Again!

This past week, I've been in a whirlwind of emotions. I've totally shut down. I wasn't ready to share this. I wanted to take my girls and withdraw from the world. Putting myself in my own little cocoon -- wanting the reality to go away.

I should be used to this, I tell myself.

I should know better than to get upset over something that may or may not happen just yet, I tell myself.

I knew it was coming....but not this soon.

Yes - the "D" word -- deployment.

I recently found out that there is a deployment looming in our future - in May.

My Marine has drill this weekend. And this weekend, the next year of our lives is held in the balance. The next year of our lives is in the hands of a group of commanding officers and NCOs. I feel like a puppet on a string -- and I'm angry.

I'm angry and sad.

I knew this was coming -- but I was preparing for much later in the year. Not so soon. Not so fast. And the person that I am, my mind goes into immediate overdrive as I mentally start to prepare. All the things that I have to do.

I know I can do this. I did it before -- for 18 months. This time is different. I now have two babies - one who is now old enough to understand that daddy will be going away for a long time.

I'm sad.

I realized this morning that this might be our last Christmas together as a family for a whole year. I thought about how much My Marine will miss -- again. Nani's first day of kindergarten, her 6th birthday, Nudge's 2nd birthday, ballet recitals, picnics....and so much more.

I thought about another 12 months of dreading the doorbell ringing, of watching the news, holding my breath. Another 12 months of long, lonely weekends, of sleeping alone, of not having a good night's sleep because every creak and groan in the house keeps me awake. Another 12 months of feeling resentful because my friends' husbands are still here -- and mine isn't. Another 12 months of worrying -- will they be there for me if I need them? Another 12 months of wondering....what if? And another 12 months of hiding my tears from my daughters because I need to be strong for them.

By the end of this weekend, we'll know. And all my worrying and crying could be for nothing. But the pit in my stomach is preparing me for the news.

And once again, I'll march on...because there's nothing else that I can do. I'll do it because my girls will depend on me. I'll do it because My Marine will depend on me. I'll start saving boxes and Pringles cans for care packages. I'll start taking lots of pictures and videos.

We'll dust off our Nemo and start our bedtime ritual again. (Before My Marine's first deployment, we bought Nani a stuffed Nemo. Once he left, Nani & I would have a bedtime ritual where we would kiss Nemo goodnight and then Nemo would "swim" all the way to daddy to bring him her kisses. Then he would "swim" all the way back to bring her his kisses when she would wake up in the morning.)

And as always -- we will stand behind him. Supporting him all the way. Loving him all the way. Praying for him all the way.

So, if you're a praying person -- I just ask that over the next day or so, to please say a little prayer that the powers that be make the right decisions and that I have the strength and peace to accept that decision -- knowing that God is putting My Marine where He knows he will be needed the most.

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Resuming Life & Black Friday Madness

It's been a great holiday weekend here in the Toy Box Household!

My Marine came home late Tuesday night after a slight flight delay! Grrr!! But he made it home and into the waiting arms of his excited wife and daughters. There was nothing I loved more than hearing Nani shout "Daddy!" and run into his open arms. I know he loved it too! That night, Nani talked non-stop! To her, 6 weeks is like 6 years! She started telling him about things that happened months ago -- while he was still home. My Marine was so incredibly patient with her....listening to every single story all over again....and again....and again!

Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and warm. It was in the 60s here....a great day to go outside and play while the turkey cooked. Ever since My Marine returned from Iraq - we cherish our holidays as a family. We never travel and we never invite family to visit. It's our time as a family. It may sound a little selfish to some people -- but both of us grew up with large family holidays, and it's kinda like - "Been there, done that..." We like having our own traditions and our own way of doing things. One thing we do on Thanksgiving is eat early -- anywhere between 1-2pm. The rest of the day is spent napping, watching Christmas specials, parades and football while grazing on the leftovers. I love it! When most people are sitting down to dinner, my dishes are put away and I'm in comfy clothes ready for round #2!

On Friday, we avoided all the shopping frenzy. I completely understand the thrill of getting a great deal -- but I'm not crazy enough to stand outside in the cold just to get into a store at 3am to buy $3 pajamas.

Is it me - or has society totally gone commercial? What happened to remembering what Thanksgiving was all about. It seems that it's become an afterthought -- Black Friday Eve I heard someone say. How sad is that? Families are losing jobs, homes, and can barely put food on the table and others are running up more personal debt by walking out of the store with multiple flat-screens and vacuum cleaners.

I've seen first-hand what this madness can do. As a compulsive shopper, I live it every day. That's part of the reason I avoid going out on Black Friday.....it's too much temptation. To easy to spend money that I don't have.

I'm trying to teach my daughters to be grateful and to give to others. Starting in January, every month I purchase a toy and put it aside. At the end of the year, we gather up all those toys and donate them to Toys for Tots. So, instead of shopping on Friday, we gathered up our toys and went to the local Toys for Tots drop-off. As we put the toys in the bin, we explained to Nani what we were doing and why we were doing it. As much as a 4.5 year old can understand, she was very happy to be able to give a toy to "another little girl who didn't have any toys."

And THAT my friends, is what it's all about......

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He's Coming Home!!!!!

Tonight! Tonight! He's coming home tonight!!

I'm dancing around my house like the dad from "A Christmas Story" waiting for his "major award" to be delivered!

My little mini-deployment trial run is ending. I guess I did ok. The kids and the dogs are still alive -- and no worse for the wear!

I talked to My Marine last night and he couldn't pack fast enough. He has some last minute paperwork this morning and then "graduation" and then he's off to the airport! Woo Hoo!

I've spent the last few days getting ready for his return..........

I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. (This served two purposes -- cleaning for his return and cleaning in anticipation of the holiday and putting up the Xmas decorations this weekend!)

The bathroom is scrubbed and cleaned and fresh towels (that aren't the size of a postage stamp) are waiting for him.

Our master bedroom has been cleared of the clothing piles that I've been picking from for the past 6 weeks. New, fresh, clean sheets have been put on the bed. The comforter has been replaced and is now free of dog hair - thanks to my cuddly Zoja who has taken over My Marine's side of the bed. (She's in a world of hurt tonight!)

I cleaned up all the dog poop from the back yard. (This is a big deal for me since I actually HIRED a dog pooper scooper to clean up the backyard while Marc was deployed!)

I stocked his garage fridge with his favorite beers. I cleaned said garage from all the clutter that I let gather during the past 6 weeks. (It's so much easier just to dump it all in the garage and deal with it later.....)

I shuffled some movies around on my Netflix queue so that the new Star Trek movie would be here waiting for him to watch.

I've grocery shopped and stocked up on his favorite snacks.

I've spent the past two days exfoliating, shaving, buffing, powdering and puffing. I bought some new makeup. And I'm still frustrated that I can't decided on the "perfect" outfit to wear to the airport. (I know that it doesn't matter, but it slightly matters to me...a bit....)

I'm looking forward to a holiday weekend of snuggling for sure!

And just so you know -- my blog for the next day or so is going to be CENSORED!! LOL!!!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

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37 Days of Kindness

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today. I had a couple of ideas, but as I was sipping my morning coffee, browsing through my blog reader, I came upon this post by Lysa TerKeurst.

I came to Lysa's blog through the Proverbs 31 Ministries. I get a daily devotion emailed to me every morning. I love reading them. I may not have a lot of time to devote to prayer and meditation, but I can take 15 minutes to read the devotion and reflect on it's message for the day.

Anyway - Lysa's post today talks about how sometimes every day life gets in the way of focusing on what really matters. We may be cranky, lose our tempers, have a pity party for ourselves. And believe me, I've been feeling that a lot these past few weeks.

These past 6 weeks without My Marine have been unusually hard. I've been sick multiple times, the girls have been sick, Nudgie is going through her clingy phase, I've had family visit -- and have clashed with said family many times, I'm dealing with financial stresses & worries. I didn't want to do anything. It was a major feat for me to get up and shower in the morning. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to play with the kids. I just wanted to sit and feel sorry for myself. I was seriously on the verge of going through one of my "blue moods".

When I read Lysa's post this morning, I realized that over the past few days I may have been short with a lot of people and may have unintentionally hurt some feelings. Lysa is challenging us to turn that around.

There are 37 days left until Christmas -- the best birthday of all -- the birth of our Savior. What better gift to give our Lord than the gift of touching someone with Jesus' love?

1 Corinthians 15: 58"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."


For the next 37 days, in the midst of your own worries & stresses, take a moment to touch someone with a kind word, a thought, a prayer, some of your time, or a small gift. Next time you feel like being impatient with the checkout person, stop and remember to say Thank You or Have a Nice Day and mean it. When you see another mom struggling with her child, give a small smile and a "I understand!" It might mean the world to her. Not only might you brighten someone's day, but it might make you feel pretty good too!

I went to Lysa's blog and signed up for the challenge. How about you? Anyone else want to do this with me? Hop on over to Lysa's blog . and leave a comment to join the challenge too!

Together we can bring God's love into someone else's life!

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Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
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I did not go on a whirlwind shopping binge at the book store and various craft stores. I did not, the next day, have immediate shopper's guilt and take everything back to the stores.

I did not spend the entire weekend in my pajamas. I did not allow my girls to stay in their pajamas either. I always make sure that I am showered and dressed and that my girls are always bathed and dressed as well.

I have not been texting My Marine every morning with a countdown of the days until he's home. (8 days and counting!!)

I did not work on our Christmas Card list this past weekend and print up color-coordinated labels. I did not realize that our Christmas Card list has now reached 200 and is still growing!

I am not already starting another Not Me! Monday post for next week!

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Signs That I'm Getting Old(er)

I had a rare moment of peace & quiet yesterday where I chose NOT to fill it with laundry, dishes or vacuuming dog hair. I treated myself to watching a rerun of Supernanny on The Style Channel.

During one of the commercial breaks they were asking people on the street for their opinion on a product. I missed what the product was initially, but I heard people saying - yum, chocolate! or Yum, it tastes like honey graham crackers. My ears perked up -- what could be so delicious that it had people on the street proclaiming platitudes of yumminess?!

Turns out -- it was body powder.

Yes -- you read that right. Body powder.

My first thought? Not - how cool is that!! I really should order that! But - why?? Why would anyone want this stuff?

Some manufacturer out there thought they hit a goldmine by creating this product. A shimmery powder meant to entice and sexify your relationship. A shimmery powder meant to make your skin sparkle like a powdered donut under the flourescent lights of the grocery store bakery. I think they missed the mark with their target audience by airing the commercial in the middle of the afternoon -- during school hours....when no one is watching except retired schoolteachers and stay home moms that know that the last thing they used with the word "powder" in it was either baby powder or baby formula.

(Remember, I'm the same woman who in a fit of a chocolate craving ate the edible "love chocolate" that she was saving for a "special evening" with her Marine!)

This company thought it would be wonderful for women to cover themselves with a shimmery powder so they could walk around smelling like a giant graham cracker waiting to be dunked in some warm milk. The only thing I want to be dunked into is a hot bath at the end of the day.

(Sign #1 that I'm getting older.....)

That's when it hit me. I'm no longer young. I am now in that age-bracket of surveys which put you in the 35-40 range. I am a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday and I'm mourning the fact that I only have a year left in that survey age bracket before I get bumped up to the AARP bracket.

I'm not young any more......

After I had Nudgie, I discovered that I had grey hairs sprouting up. I tried to convince myself that my blond was coming through. I haven't been blonde since I was 18. And I should mention that I'm a natural brunette.

I walked by Victoria's Secret at the mall a few weeks ago and laughed at the lingerie in the window. Thinking, who on earth would wear that lacy negligee that looked like it would fall apart if you sneezed? Yep, I can see myself wearing this as I dash across the hall at 2am when I hear one of my children wailing either from teething pain or a nightmare.

My lingerie drawer is full of nursing pajamas, fuzzy flannel pants, tshirts my husband won't wear any more, panties from Target, and bras made of material that the military uses for parachutes because it's so sturdy.

I was shocked to hear myself mutter "crazy kids" under my breath as I drove past the high school and saw a group of them hanging around a pimped out "teen-mobile" with a rapper with some alphabet name pounding from the speakers so loud that even Nani put her hands over her ears.

I choose my reading material based on how many pages I can read between loads of laundry, naps, and how many pictures are in the book. I read Woman's Day and Ladies Home Journal instead of Glamour and Cosmo.

I caught myself the other day holding something at arm's length so I could read the fine print.

I'm not getting carded as much any more.

I had the bagger at the grocery store call me "m'aam."

Instead of heading for an evening out around 9pm -- I'm in my jammies watching the news and having a hot cup of tea.

Now excuse me while I pull out my bifocals to peruse the latest AARP literature that I received in the mail!

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My Beautiful Babies......

On Monday I had the girls' Christmas pictures taken. For Nani, it was also time for her yearly birthday picture as well -- since my baby will be 5 in just a few short weeks! But that's a post for another day!

What is it about getting pictures taken that makes me so stressed out? It's praying that the girls stay clean in their dresses. It's praying that hairbows and headbands cooperate. It's hoping that there won't be any major meltdowns and that all parties happily cooperate. It's thinking that the pictures will turn out like this....

That morning I prayed for just ONE good picture. God must have been feeling generous, because I not only got one good picture. I got FOUR!

Two perfect pictures for Christmas cards!

My big girl's 5th birthday picture

And my absolutely, all-time, favorite picture!!

I guess I got all stressed out for nothing! (A little extra kudos goes out to all professional photographers who can take a cranky, crying, unsmiling child and turn her into a supermodel!)

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