"Off-Tober" Rules - Part 2

SIX days until I start the "Off-Tober" Challenge!  You can read the initial post about the challenge HERE and Part 1 of my rules HERE.

Part 2 of the rules will touch on television. 

If I have an addiction to Facebook, then TV is a close tie.  I suppose I should have chosen to do TV as it's own separate challenge......because, let's face it.  This one is going to be tough.

We have 3 TVs in the house.  Nani has one in her room, but she can only watch DVDs on it.  Nudgie has a portable DVD player that also serves as a CD player as well.  We have Netflix, Hulu, On Demand, and Direct TV.  And I'm sure at one point, all of our TVs have been on simultaneously at one time or another.

TV is my background noise.  TV is my escape when I don't want to do housework.  TV is my babysitter and my buffer.  And I'll tell you an even bigger confession......I can't sleep without the TV on.  I suppose that goes back to my early married days when My Marine was gone for weeks/months at a time.  I lived alone in an apartment in a not-so-nice area.....the TV kept me company.  I liked hearing those voices......it made me feel like I wasn't so alone.  But it's a habit that stuck.....and one I'm having a hard time breaking.  I can't stand a silent room......period.

I'm not going completely cold turkey for this challenge.  I can't.  For the safety of my family and the dog.....I just can't.  Plus, let's be honest --- it's Fall Premiere season and I need my "How To Get Away With Murder" and "Once Upon a Time" fix.  So for this month, here is what I'm going to try to accomplish:

1)  The TV can stay on the morning.  I usually check the news/weather and allow the girls to watch Looney Tunes while they have breakfast.  Once the girls leave for school, all TVs gets turned off.  I'll be playing music through my laptop.  I could use the music channels on the TV, but it's too easy to just flip the channel to catch a show......get sucked in......and then the laundry doesn't get folded because I just need to know if Horatio Caine catches that criminal on the 400th rerun of CSI:  Miami.

3)  During lunch -- if I remember to have lunch -- I will be allowed to watch one show from my DVR list, Netflix or Hulu.

4)  When the girls come home, they will be allowed to watch one show while having an after-school snack.  Even kids need some downtime before tackling chores and homework!  But then the TV gets turned off again.

5)  We've been guilty of eating dinner in front of the TV......either downstairs in the family room on TV tables or even at the kitchen table.  Dinners will be moved back to the kitchen table and the TV will be off......even on nights when My Marine has to fly.  The only exception to this will be Friday or Saturday nights when we usually have Family TV Night where we either watch a movie or family-friendly show while having pizza or nachos.

6)  Utilize the sleep timer function and auto tune function on my bedroom TV.  With auto tune, I can fall asleep watching a movie or show and when it's over, the TV will auto tune into a music channel that I can preset.  The TV is still on for me, but it will just be music instead of 2am infomericals.  I will also try to set the sleep time so that it will automatically shut off after a certain amount of time.  Baby steps people.......baby steps.......give me some credit because this one is probably going to kill me.

I am curious to see, however, how much more I get done around the house when I don't have the distraction of Facebook and TV sucking my day away.  Or how much more focused I will be on my kids and family.

Have you ever done a TV challenge?  How did it work for you? 

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Saving & Giving Challenge - The Binge

I realized that I haven't posted a check-in update for a couple of days....heck, almost a week.  It really wasn't intentional......but maybe subconciously it was.

This past Friday, I had a binge.....which led to a full blown weekend binge.

Friday started off as such a good day for me.

I was excited to get my haircut......to have some "me" time.  I stopped at Starbucks on my way and used my gift card to purchase a coveted Pumpkin Spice Latte.  I got a great cut, but not some great news that my stylist raised prices by $10.  I didn't budget for that, but it was fine and I was happy with my cut, so I paid it and gave him a tip (cash, which was planned).

On the way home, I stopped by Michael's to return some stuff I found stashed in my garage.  No question -- it was going back.  It was only a $7 return, but it was $7 back in the bank rather than junk laying around that I'd probably never use and end up giving away anyway.  I was so proud of myself for not walking around the store and buying anything.  I was proud of myself for even throwing away the 40% off coupon that I got with my return receipt.

I was doing this.  I could avoid the temptation if I really put my mind to it.

Or so I thought.

That night, I was supposed to have plans with some friends.  A girls' night out.  I'd been looking forward to this for DAYS!  My Marine has been gone a LOT and I desperately needed to blow off some steam before he left again on Sunday.  But the plans changed and my night got cancelled.

I was disappointed.  I was angry.  I was hurt.  I was irritated and annoyed.  I started to feel trapped and even my family started getting on my nerves.  So, I grabbed my purse and told My Marine I was heading out for a bit - to get a coffee.

I headed to Barnes & Noble.....and bought the coffee......and a bunch of books.

I could have stopped there, but I didn't.  My triggers were already in play and it's hard to get those demons back into the box once they're out.

On Saturday, I binged again.....more books, stuff for the girls, an unplanned stop at the Farmers Market, extra spending at the grocery store by going off the list.

On Sunday, I binged again when I took the girls BACK to Barnes & Noble after we took My Marine to the airport.

Sunday night, I sat and looked at the results of my binge and I could justify it by saying that I deserved it because I've been holding down the fort alone for so long....again.  Or that my plans changed so that I took the money I would have spent on a night out and spent it anyway.  Or that my kids needed something to help them cope with Daddy being gone....again.

But there was a big difference, this time I knew exactly WHY I did it. I knew every single emotion behind every single purchase.  Those emotions were so strong that it drove me to get a fix.  It didn't matter that I didn't need any single thing.....I just needed that high.  But knowing that awareness and recognizing it is HUGE for me.  That was something that had never been there before.  I would always push those feelings down and focus on my purchases.  Trying to hide them or find space to put them took the place of me confronting WHY I bought all that stuff in the first place.

I had high expectations for this monthly challenge.  I really thought that I could get through the month without a big binge.....but I was wrong.  I'm human.  I'm an addict in recovery.  I'll probably fall off the wagon more times than I'm on it.....but as long as I stay aware and recognize, I'll be one step closer to fewer relapses. 

 

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"Off-Tober" Rules - Part 1

Nine days until I start the "Off-Tober" challenge.  You can read my initial post about the challenge HERE.  The post also lists specifically what I will be working on during the month.  But in this post, I will start to share some of the "rules" for the challenge.

Facebook:
This is going to be a tough one for me.....I already know this.  I love Facebook.  I love keeping up with friends, I love reading funny stuff and sharing funny stuff.  We keep in touch with long-distance family through Facebook.  But there are days when I check every few minutes....refresh the screen, scroll....scroll.....scroll......and then BAM!  The day is gone and I got nothing done.  Or I'm checking it on my phone.....at stoplights, while waiting in line, etc. etc. So here are the Facebook rules:

*  Delete Facebook and Facebook Messenger from my phone completely.
*  Allow 30 minutes of Facebook in the morning before the kids are up for school and 20 minutes at night AFTER the kids are in bed.
*  Cut way back on pages "liked"......delete groups that I don't check in on or participate in regularly......cut back friend list


Cell Phone, In General:
*  In addition to FB, all games will be deleted as well.
*  GPS is allowed.
*  Before even starting the car, my phone will be put into "driving" mode
*  The phone stays in my purse and all phone calls/voice mails/texts will be checked at my destination only.  No stoplight checking.
*  When I am at activities with my girls, the phone stays in the car
*  Use an actual watch!  Use a real alarm clock!  I can't remember the last time I wore I watch.  In fact, I'll probably need to go buy a battery, it's been that long.
*  During dinnertime, the phone is put in silent mode.


Cell Phone Camera:
This kind of gets lumped into the "general cell phone" rule, but I feel it requires a little more space to explain.  I (and society, in general) use my phone now more than I use the little "battlecam".  It's quick, it's convenient and oh, will you look at that....I can immediately share to Facebook or via text.  But then I think back to the "olden days" where we actually had to use FILM in the cameras and wait 2-3 days before getting the pictures back and discovering that you were photobombed by that drunk guy at the bar.....completely ruining your group picture. 

But wait!  Now.....with digital....you can take picture after picture after picture until you get just the perfect one....approved by all involved!  When I got my new phone I discovered that I had over 400+ pictures and videos on my old phone.  Multiples of the same thing at the same event.

So, unless it's a special event.......no photos.  No selfies......no pictures of the dog curled up on the couch again.......no "after-the-workout" pictures.......no Starbucks pictures.....

I do have two exceptions.......as I blog about this month's challenge, if I feel that a photo would enhance my blog for that day, I will allow it.  And this month marks our 20th wedding anniversary....so you can bet that I'm going to be taking pictures of our anniversary activities.

Overall, the goal of this rule is to ENJOY BEING IN THE MOMENT and not try to CREATE A PERFECT MOMENT.


So there you have the first couple rules for "Off-Tober".  Next post, I'll touch on a couple more!

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Saving & Giving Challenge - Days #16 - #17

Day #16
*  Started to purge, declutter and clean up the mess that I've made in our garage.  I've put things in there with the well-intended meaning of "I'll get to it later"......and 6 months later, it's still there, but with more stuff around it.  Boxes of stuff just waiting to fall over and crush one of my children or my dog to death.  I was worried about pulling my Jeep into the garage with the fear of running something over. 

I went through one large blue tub and one black trunk full of stuff I was waiting to sell.......clothes, books, games, stuff I used to teach the girls before they went to school and even when they were in school.   All sorted into piles -- things to donate, things to consign or things to give to friends.

I honestly felt really good about getting through that stuff.  I threw things away without thinking twice.  I put things into piles or trash bags and didn't bat an eyelash.  I will admit that there were a few things that I felt that twinge and that little voice that said, "Go ahead and hold on to this....you can sell it".  But I got over it......

I liked the feeling of reorganization and how uncluttered it looks.


Day #17
*  Payday today.  I went to the grocery store with my list......and I stuck to the list.....sort of.  Once I got to the store I realized that I forget to add a few things.  Technically they were supposed to be on the list to begin with, so I really didn't count them as "impulse buys".  But I DID toss in some ice cream and a box of pumpkin spice oatmeal.  Both of those were TRUE impulse buys.  (But it was PUMPKIN SPICE OATMEAL for heaven's sake!!!!)  Still -- UNPLANNED - $12.00

*  Sat down with my calendar and checkbook and planned out the next two weeks and the bills that are due.  Deducted any upcoming automatic payments and balanced out the checkbook.  For the first time in YEARS, both the checkbook and the bank balance were the same.

*  Another first for me......I ended a pay period in the black......not by much....but it was in black.  No overdrafts.....no extra spending.  Major high fives for me!

 

*  Remember all the decluttering and purging I did yesterday?  Well, I did some driving around today dropping stuff off at Goodwill and passing some things on to some friends.  Also made arrangements with some other friends for some of this other stuff too.  Feels so good to get rid of this stuff!

Stuff this morning before I loaded it up in my Jeep

 

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Spending Less, Loving More - The "Off-Tober" Challenge

During September, I started a challege where I'm focusing on spending less, saving more, and decluttering.  While the month isn't over yet and the challenge will still be ongoing even when the month is over, one thing that stuck with me the most was this -- what good is all the decluttering and discovering a more authentic, simple life if I can't enjoy it with my family because we all have our noses buried deep into technology.

I'm guilty of it -- big time.  Missing moments with my kids in the car because I'm checking my phone at stoplights.  Sending my kids to bed with movies on their DVD players because I have to watch one more episode on Netflix, or I have to check Facebook one last time.  Or I look at the books all around my house.....unread because I'm too busy checking my DVR list.  Or I'm missing the truly authentic moment because I'm too busy trying to get the perfect picture to post on Facebook.  Or I missed my daughters perfect their pirouette or backbend because I was too busy texting or scrolling through Facebook.

I recently got a new phone.  The first thing I installed?  Facebook.  My priorities are truly fucked up (pardon the language).......and I'm going to tackle that during October's challenge.....which I have called "Off-Tober"

During this challenge I will cut back, if not cut out altogether, Facebook, email, phone use (including texting, games, using apps, etc.) and TV.  Please understand that the rules that I list for the challenge are MY rules - rules that will work for ME and MY FAMILY.  They may not work for you.....you may run a business and need constant access to technology......and THAT'S OK!  Do what you need to do for YOU and YOUR FAMILY.  This isn't a cookie cutter challenge......do what works for YOU!

Over the next few weeks, before the challenge starts, I will go into more specific details for each thing -- what's allowed, what's not allowed, etc.   But to give you an idea, here's the list of the things I will be giving up/cutting back on:

1)  Facebook
2)  Cell Phone in general
3)  Email
4)  Texting
5)  Television (including Netflix, Hulu, DVR, On Demand)
6)  Kindle
7)  Computer time in general (blogging, volunteer responsibilities, etc)

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this challenge will take me and how it will test me.

How about you?  Have you done a No Technology Challenge or Media Fast?  How did it work for you?  Are you interested in joining me during "Off-Tober"?

 

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Saving & Giving Challenge - Days #13 - #15

Day #13
*  Checked the bank balance today to discover another deposit for My Marine's extra pay.  Put that directly into savings.  I was very happy to see that account getting built back up again.

*  Very unhappy that I missed an autoship payment for my Shakeology.  I totally forgot that I even had that set up to autoship and deduct from my account.  Contacted them right away to cancel any future shipments/payments.  I'll keep the bag that's already been shipped.  Between that one and the one I already have, it will last me until after the holidays.  (UNPLANNED - $150)

*  For the first time in MONTHS, my account has been in the black.  I'm very, very proud of that.

*  Payday is this week again.  I started my grocery shopping list again, as well as some menu planning.  I know there are still ways for me to cut back the grocery bill a little more.


Day #14
*  Took my trash bags full of clothes to be donated.  It felt so good to get the clutter out of my garage AND to know that they are going to a worthy cause. 

 

Now with those bags gone, I have room to start going through the other half of the garage.  I told myself that if I clear out the garage, then I can bring my fall decoration boxes down from the attic.

*  Over the weekend, my friend shared with me a blog written by a recovering spender.  She had written a book about her journey to get out of debt and control her family's spending.  I looked it up with the intention of saving it on my Wish List for later......but discovered that I can borrow it FOR FREE with my Amazon Prime membership.  I think I'm meant to read this book now.

*  I made an appointment for a haircut.  I had to do it.  My hair is out of control.  I was hoping to make it until October, but it just wasn't going to happen.  Upside - I'm just getting the cut.....no color.

It's slow going......but I'm good with that!

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Saving & Giving Challenge - Days #7 - #12

I continue to move forward. 

Some days I think that I'm just not accomplishing anything....but then there are the days where all I want to do is high five myself for completing a challenge -- whether purging or money/bill related.

Here's some high and low points from Days #7-#12

*  Still on the original tank of gas from when I filled up on payday.  No extra shopping trips = more gas in the tank (and less I'll have to fill up next payday)

*Cleaned out my closet and got almost EIGHT bags of clothes, shoes and other items ready to drop off for a women's & children's shelter.  Felt so good to unload all that stuff!

*  Did my weekly shopping for perishables and fresh produce.  Stuck to the list.....sort of.  I ended up buying some ice cream for the girls.  They've been bugging me for DAYS to go to Cold Stone.....and each time I say no because "Mommy's not spending any extra money".  But I got tired of the nagging and figured that I could take what I'd spend on Cold Stone and buy a 1/2 gallon of ice cream that might last a little longer.  ($3.99 UNPLANNED)

*  I met a friend for coffee this morning at Barnes and Noble.   I know, I know....the temptation. BUT....I didn't buy anything -- not coffee, not a book. I took my breakfast shake with me and had my water bottle in my bag. THEN....on the way out, I spotted two books I would have loved to buy, but instead....I took pictures of them on my phone to save for another time.....like my birthday or Christmas.

*  The workout tank tops that I ordered before the challenge started arrived.  One, I noticed, was poorly made.  I emailed the manufacturer about it, but immediately started browing the internet to look for another one to buy to replace this one.  I didn't think....I just started doing it.  And then I stopped and thought how easy it was.....that immediate need.....the gratification of getting what I want right then and there.  Stopped what I was doing and added that potential purchase to the green post it note.

*  I had to buy a new bath mat for the tub.  This was a definite NEED.  It was either spend $12 on a bath mat or hundreds of dollars in medical bills because either myself or someone in my family was going to slip and have a major head injury.

*  I had some more unplanned spending. I went to King Soopers to buy more ice cream for the kids and saw that Starbucks has Cinnamon Dolce Kcups. Cinnamon Dolce is my favorite coffee behind pumpkin spice......so I picked up a box. Then I took the kids to Sonic for lunch today.  And here's the thing -- there was nothing behind it. I wasn't shopping out of anger or boredom or anxiety. I was hungry and wanted lunch. I like the coffee, so I bought it.  And you know what.....I'm ok with this. It's ok for little treats every once in awhile. I bought lunch and some coffee......I didn't go on a full blown shopping spree for clothes I'll never wear or books I'll never read. I bought ice cream & lunch for my girls and saw the smile on their faces. I'll cherish the sanity I feel when I drink that coffee in the mornings before the kids wake up. And it's ok.......($30 UNPLANNED)

*  We went out to dinner during My Marine's drill weekend.  He came home after a long day and decided he didn't want pizza (our normal Saturday night meal), so he suggested we go to a local sandwich shop that just opened.  ($30 UNPLANNED)

*  We bought a new phone for me.  I would call it a WANT, but My Marine would call it a NEED.  It was on it's last legs for sure and doesn't hold a charge for more than an hour.  I wanted to wait another 9 months until his was paid off, but he insisted we get this phone now.  Paid $57 yesterday for all the administrative fees, but tacked on another $30 to our cell phone bill each month.  ($57 UNPLANNED + extra $30 EACH MONTH)


I can say, that so far, my eyes are definitely open a little more to how I shop and why.  I still feel a little guilty over those unplanned spendings over the past few days, but I'm learning to be OK with it.  That sometimes it's ok to have a little splurge every once in awhile......in fact, it's necessary.  But I'm also learning to recognize the difference between a splurge and a binge.  I'm also learning that I can manage this, recognize when a binge is about to happen, and take steps to make sure that it doesn't. 

My journey will never be over......but I can sure make it a lot more manageable.

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Spending & Giving Challenge - The Great Closet Cleanse

Finally -- after 10 days, I finally did it.  I got into my bedroom and began The Great Closet Cleanse.

 
The chapters in Jen Hatmaker's book, "Seven" about clothes and spending really hit me hard.  I looked into my closet and saw sweatshirts and jeans falling off the top shelf.  Hangars crammed into what little space I had.  Shoes and boots just laying on the floor because I had no place to put them.  And let's not talk about the dresser drawers I couldn't shut.  The laundry basket of clothes I couldn't put away because I had no place for them either.

I had to stop the madness.  The clutter was killing me.

So, I finally did it.  I gathered up large trash bag and laundry baskets.  Anything I was going to keep would go into the laundry baskets - to be rehung and refolded when I was done.  Anything I was going to give away would go into the trash bags......no questions, no debating, no second-guessing myself.  Into the bag.  The end.  I found these guidelines which I used........

I opted to start in the closet because I had the feeling this was going to be the hardest spot for me.  Surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be......but it was extremely eye-opening.

*  I had clothes that I bought years ago...that still had tags on them.  Never worn.  I remember buying them because they were on sale.  Into the trash bag they went.  No debate.

*  I had over 20 pairs of jeans.  TWENTY!  In various sizes.  I even had a pair of maternity jeans that I loved and wore when I was at my highest weight because they were "cute and hip".  I also haven't been that size again in two years.  Into the bag they went.....along with about half of the other jeans I had.

*  I discovered that whenever there was a sale on something I liked, I would buy multiples of that item....sometimes in different colors.  But here's the thing.......very rarely do I wear colors.  My clothing color palette tends to run towards black, grey, navy.....neutral colors.  Why in the hell did I have a closet (and drawers) full of pink, yellow, green shirts.....most of the them still had tags on them.  Into the trash bag.

*  Sweaters.....I very rarely wear sweaters.  I'm a sweatshirt, long t-shirt, occasional button-down shirt kind of girl.  I picked a few that I would still wear and tossed the rest into the trash bag.

*  Sweatshirts.....this was a little harder.  Sweatshirts are my wearable scrapbooks.  Every sweatshirt I had has meaning for me.  But there were a few that I let go.....the USMC hoodie with a broken zipper, the Pittsburgh sweatshirt with the perpetual coffee stain.  But where I was stunned the most was the sweatshirts that had no meaning -- the Old Navy, solid color sweatshirts.  I had close to 10 of those.....because I knew they were comfy and once again, I bought multiples.  FIVE black sweatshirts -- they were all the same.  I kept one.  Same with the grey and navy sweatshirts.


As the day went on I purged t-shirts (again multiple numbers, multiple colors), pajamas (flannel pj bottoms are my staple in the fall/winter), work clothes (I haven't worked in 10 years and haven't worn a dress in probably just as long).  Old bras, ratty underwear, socks.......GONE

It went on and I felt more and more guilty.  All those trash bags FULL of wasted money.  FULL of results of shopping trips because I was bored, angry, sad.  Clothes I never wore or wore once and let it hang with the thought, "Well someday......."

   
Someday will never come for these clothes......at least not for me.

When all was said and done, I had a clean, uncluttered closet and drawers.  I felt good.....no regrets.

At the end of the day, I had SIX FULL trash bags waiting to go to a women's shelter. 

I am being very specific about where I want these clothes to go.  I don't want them to go to Goodwill or ARC.  I want them to go to a place where a woman trying to start over can pick out my work suit and possibly go on her first interview in years.  I want them to go to a woman who can put on those flannel pj pants and Old Navy sweatshirt and snuggle with her kids to read a story.

I want to know that some good can come from my addiction and that, in some small way, I made a difference.

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Saving & Giving Challenge - Days #5 & #6

Day #5
*I'm starting to feel that maybe being so open about my struggle addiction is really not such a good idea.  I'm feeling like I'm under a microscope.  I'm feeling judged.  I'm feeling like I'll be criticized for every purchase I make....."Oh, well she's trying to save money and get out of debt, but look what she just bought".  I feel like I'm under a microscope.....but it's a microscope I put myself under willingly.  I chose to bring my story to the light.  But now it's a choice I may be regretting.   I can't put the crap back in the horse.  It's out there now.  A big steamy pile that everyone can see and smell.....and turn their nose up at......and shake their heads at me thinking "what have you done".  I worry about what people will think of me, that I will lose friends, that I'll be lectured.  I spent a good part of the day in turmoil over this.

*Normally, after gymnastics and ballet we would go to the Farmer's Market, which is at Southlands. Since I did my produce shopping at Sprouts this week AND there was the big sidewalk sale going on this weekend, I just avoided the temptation and we just didn't go at all.

*Earlier this week, a friend had mentioned she had a friend coming into town and that we should go out. I immediately jumped in and said YES....and to let me know when so I can get a sitter. As I was laying in bed tonight, it hit me.....I can't go out. That would require spending money -- on a sitter, on drinks, maybe on food. SHIT! I took a breath, texted my friend and told her that I can't go out with her and her friend. She responded that she totally understood. I really do have some great, supportive friends.

*I got no purging done at all today.  Actually, I take that back.....I purged a few things from my DVR.....and by "purged", I meant seeing unproductively on my couch blowing through my DVR'd episodes of Ink Master.


Day #6
*Ups and downs.  This journey is just full of ups and downs.

*I went to the bank to withdraw cash for the girls.  (PLANNED)  When it's our payday, it's payday for the girls and their allowance too.  If there's one thing I'm fanatical about with them -- it's teaching them good money habits now.  I don't want them to be me in 30 years.....starting their own blog or having their own Facebook page, writing about their struggles with debt.  So we do the "Save, Spend, and Share" jars with them and they divide their allowance by threes.  (I'll write more about this a little later)

*As I was on Facebook throughout the day, I would remove pages that would be a temptation to me.....Groupon, Amazon, Michaels, JoAnns, ARC Thrift Store, Goodwill.  If I thought any page would tempt me to click and spend, it was gone.

*Another friend suggested I give myself an "allowance" to spend.  I will consider that once this challenge is over.....but for this month, it's cold turkey.  No extra spending - period.  I chose to challenge myself this way.  I started a green post-it note....this is where I write down everytime I wanted to spend money.  I write down what I wanted to buy and how much it was.  By the end of the month, I'll have an estimated amount of how much unnecessary spending I truly do.......and I can't do this project if I give myself an allowance.

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Spending Less, Loving More - Spending Fast: Week 1

 

 

Lent started this week.  I shared on my Spending Less, Loving More FB page that in the past, I've given up a number of things....chocolate, alcohol, Starbucks. But this year, I'll be challenging myself to take it even further and fast from unnecessary spending. While I believe this will be one of the hardest things I've ever done, I believe that it will also challenge me to be more intentional and thoughtful about my spending and budgeting. I've created a wants/needs list which will help me along the way. Some things already cut out -- Starbuck, book stores, craft stores, thrift stores.  I will be doing a weekly blog post updating how I did during the week. 

 

So.....here's Week #1!

 

 

Monday - 2/16:

Both My Marine and my girls were home today for President's Day.  We had some snow move in, so we didn't go anywhere......which worked to our benefit since we were thinking about taking the girls to a movie today.  In the end, we stayed home, got caught up with some DVR'd shows and watched movies with the girls. 

Tuesday - 2/17:
My Marine went back to work today, but the girls were still home because of an in-service day.  I used .99 cents from Amazon gift card to purchase a Lenten devotional on my Kindle.  Did some decluttering of my "unmentionables" drawer.  Nani got into trouble over the weekend for not doing her laundry, so her consequence was trifold....the clothes that were not finished were either 1) given to her sister; 2) given to the homeless shelter or 3) she had to select a few things she wanted to keep and had to earn them back doing extra chores.  This consequence made me both pretty angry and sad.  All that money that I wasted buying clothes for the girls -- stuff they really just didn't take care of and didn't care about.  They had too much.  My fault for indulging them.....with things.

Wednesday - 2/18:
Tomorrow is payday.  Checked my personal bank account and was happy to realize that for two pay periods in a row, I've been in the black.  For me, that's pretty good.  (Sad, I know!)  Checked our household account to make sure bills have cleared and see what's left.  Checked the calendar to see what bills were coming up and if I could make a little extra payments towards our debt.  Made a meal plan for the next two weeks and made my grocery list based on that and what was on the "we need" list.  Went through coupons and resisted adding extras just because I had a coupon.

Thursday - 2/19:
Payday always makes me twitchy.  The unfiltered side of my brain screams, "There's money!  There's money!  Let's go shopping!"  But this morning, instead, I grabbed my homebrewed coffee, my grocery binder with my list and coupons....and ran my errands.  I got all my grocery shopping done without throwing any extras in the cart.  Amazing!  What was even more amazing was how much less my grocery bill was without all those impulse buys!  Another amazing thing.....I had to go into JoAnn Fabric to get supplies for Nani's upcoming sewing class.  This was a planned expense that I knew was coming....BUT....I went into the store and came back out WITH ONLY WHAT I NEEDED!  No browsing, no impulse buys while waiting in the checkout line.  I needed only fabric and thread....and I came out with only fabric and thread!

Friday - 2/20:
Paid off 2 bills and paid monthly bills.  Marked upcoming bills in the checkbook.  I'm finding that if I deduct the upcoming bills already, when I see the end balance, it's less of a temptation to shop.  My Marine's extra military pay went directly into our joint savings account.  Proud of myself for seeing that cushion start to build up again.

Saturday - 2/21
No spending today at all.  Spent the morning running the girls to ballet and gymnastics and then stayed home waiting for the big snowstorm to come.

Sunday - 2/22
Big snowstorm hit overnight.  Had a foot of snow by morning.  No church today.  Nani's sewing class was cancelled -- to be rescheduled at another time.  No spending at all today.  Spent the day enjoying the snow!

Not bad for Week 1!!

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Spending Less, Loving More - The Cycle

In my compulsive spending mind, I think more about how I could spend my money and what I could spend it on, rather than do the responsible thing like, oh....I don't know....pay bills.

It's always the same story.  It's a vicious cycle.

Each pay period I tell myself that I will be responsible. I will track what I spend. I will not do any unnecessary shopping - which means staying out of the craft stores, book stores, clothing stores. Basically anywhere which requires me to pull out cash or my debit card. (I no longer have any credit cards - period.) But the debit card is just as bad. It's like using a credit card, but it's only using the cash you have on hand -- which is usually already earmarked for responsible things -- car payment, insurance, mortgage, etc.

But inevitably, the temptation kicks in and the urge grows so strong that it's literally hard to ignore that deep-seated need. And then the cycle begins. The mad dash to shop -- to buy things that I just don't need - all because I want it. I have to have it, although I don't know why. The euphoria of finding good deals. Of finding something I really like and instead of buying just one - I buy one of every basic color. At craft stores I'll buy supplies, telling myself all the while that it's a project that I'll get to. When in reality I've got LOTS of projects I'll "get to" sitting in my garage, my laundry room, on my living room floor.

But then there's the other side. The downside once the binge is over. The buyer's remorse that sets in. The guilt that eats me up inside. The negative self-talk that I go through over and over and over. And it's always the same.

"You're so stupid. How could you do that again"

"You just have no self-control."

"You're useless and worthless. If you can't control this, then no wonder your life is so screwed up."

"You're such a disappointment to everyone."

And then once I finish that conversation, I just tell myself that I'll "make it right" by taking some stuff back. Completing the cycle. At least until it starts all over again.

So we have -- the urge, the act, the euphoria, the remorse, the guilt, the self-hatred, the return (act of contrition).

In the midst of all this, I would try to hide my spending. Trying to stay one step ahead. Trying to detour my husband from wanting to spend money -- usually on stuff for the house. I'd get angry when he'd want to spend money on a 6-pack or go to Happy Hour. I recognize that as displaced anger. Anger towards him, when I'm internally angry with myself.

In Debtors Anonymous, we are taught to immediately start tracking our spending and to take it one day at a time. In my case, it has to be one hour at a time. We are also encouraged to be held accountable - which is where this blog and FB page comes in.

By writing and sharing, I am holding myself accountable. And just for today, I will take it one hour at a time.

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Spending Less, Loving More - In The Beginning

 

In the beginning.....

I'm not quite sure I can pinpoint exactly when my issues with money started. It's been with me for that long.

I suppose it could have started when I was a kid -- middle school even. My dad worked for U.S. Steel - a great job pre-"closing-all-the-steel-mill" days. My mom worked part time for the rental office in the complex where we lived. Looking back now, I never really wanted for anything. There was always a home-cooked meal, gifts for birthdays and Christmas, clothes to wear. We never really took a family vacation until I was in 4th grade. We didn't need to -- there were big public pools that we would go to every summer with my mom, aunt and cousin. There was an amusement park 10 minutes from my house. There was so much to do. It was a simple lifestyle that I long for now.

When the steel mills started closing my dad got laid off. I remember him telling me about it one day when I came home from school - and I just remember hugging him. I remember going with him to get his unemployment checks and going to sign up for classes. I'd go with him to the Community College on Saturday mornings and watch while he'd do homework in the computer lab - or else I'd just wander the halls reading all the campus fliers dreaming about college opportunities for me. But there were subtle changes in our home. Even though the gifts were fewer at time, I still continued dance lessons and other music lessons. If my parents felt the financial strain - I never knew it.

The big change for me came when the clothes started coming. Trash bags full of hand-me-down clothes from cousins and friends who were 5+ years older than me. Clothes that were incredibly dated. But instead of being grateful, I was bitter. I remember one day going to school when it was so cold out. I was wearing a hand-me-down coat -- God awful wool plaid. I vividly remember some of the "mean girls" saying things like "nice coat, where can I get one?" and being so horribly embarrassed that I never wore that coat again. I would take it off the minute I rounded the corner from my house and walk in the cold all so I didn't have to face the ridicule.

Then daddy got another job.  Through his new training, he was hired by a downtown department store -- Kaufmann's (which is now Macy's). He'd be repairing cash registers and other equipment. At the time, Kaufmann's was a high-end department store - one that I longed to shop at. And along with daddy's new job came the coveted employee discount. That year for my birthday, I was allowed to shop downtown and pick anything I wanted. I was in heaven! I remember picking a very soft, Christmas white sweater dress and grey suede boots. I cherished those items and wore them until they both fell apart.

When I graduated college, I started working downtown too. Daddy and I would commute together - stopping for coffee and donuts before getting to work. We'd listen to the local morning show and laugh at all the skits. It was then that I found out how much my daddy hated that job -- but he kept going and kept working -- for us.

It was probably my first real lesson -- and I just didn't see it at the time. Because at the time, I was basking in making my own money and using all those credit cards that I had opened over the past year or so.

Little did I know at the time that it was just the beginning of my downfall.

(To Be Continued.......)

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Frugal Gift Giving......You Don't Have To Break The Bank! (Part I)

One thing I've always prided myself on was the fact that I love to come up with creative gifts.  I really try hard to find unique gifts....and often times end up making the gift myself.  I love trying to find good deals!

If you think about it, you really can come up with some fun and creative gift ideas without breaking the bank!  Over the next few months, I'll be sharing some of my tips and ideas for creating and giving amazing (and FRUGAL gifts!)  Here's a few that I did for Christmas!


Christmas Cookie Basket:
I wanted to give something fun and creative to my friends.  So I came up with the idea of a cookie basket!

At Hobby Lobby I picked up the small basket and the Christmas tree spatula (on sale).  I, then, bought the cookie mix and icing at the Commissary (much cheaper than the regular grocery store!).  The cookie cutters and basket wrap were from The Dollar Tree.  I also wanted to add a little something extra, so I picked up some clear glass plates at the thrift store for .75/each and handpainted them with the words "Christmas Treats"

Total for each basket - approximate $6!

Hot Chocolate Basket
For another friend, I made a hot chocolate basket.

I picked up the basket at Michaels for 70% off.  I found the mugs and snowman jar at the thrift store.  I already had the chalk adhesive and I bought the hot chocolate and peppermint sticks at The Dollar Tree.  (You can also add mini bottles of Bailey's or Kahlua and a bag of marshmallows too!)

Total for this basket = $5


Grandparents Plate

This, by far, was my favorite Christmas gift to make this year.  We always have a hard time coming up with gifts for the grandparents.  But I came up with this idea for my MIL.

 The plate is for decorative purposes only, but if you needed to wash it, I would recommend handwashing.

I picked up the plate at the thrift store for $1.50.  (Do you see a theme here?)  I had my girls write their names on the plate with Sharpie.  I asked my BIL to have my niece and nephew write their names which he emailed me and I traced them on to the plate.  I then hand-drew the flowers and the kids in the center.  I baked the plate in the oven to set the Sharpie.  It was a HIT!


As you can see -- easy, meaningful and CHEAP!  What are some of YOUR frugal gift-giving ideas!  Please comment below!  I'm always looking for new ideas -- AND may feature your idea in my next blog post!

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Resetting the Spending Clock

On Monday, I had to reset my "spending" clock.  On Saturday and Sunday, I shopped in Barnes & Noble, Michaels, & JoAnn Fabrics.

Over the weekend, I decided to add a new item to my Etsy Store - Sputzy's Stitches and Stuff.  I made a couple samples at home using what I had on hand, but knew that if I wanted to make marketable items, I would have to get a few supplies.  So, on Saturday, after dropping off Nani at a sleepover, I went to Michaels and JoAnn's.  It was a 50/50 purchase -- meaning that I did NEED one of the items, but I WANTED the others.  I could have easily used the fabric I had to get started...no need to buy more.  But I did.  And guess what -- I still ended up using the fabric I had on hand and the fabric I bought is still sitting in the bag.

Then on Sunday, I bought a book at Barnes and Noble.  I didn't need it.  I have other books I need to read first.  I actually went into the bookstore to buy a book that was referenced during the sermon at church that morning.....but the pull was too strong.  Fortunately, I kept the receipt and plan on returning the book later this week.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I justified all those purchases - I didn't have a bad day, I didn't have a fight with My Marine, I wasn't stressed or anxious, I wasn't having a "trigger moment".......I just told myself that I've been doing so good, I told myself that my bills were paid, I had some extra money and darn it, I was doing so good, I deserved a reward.  And that reward was shopping.

In the moment I didn't realize or remember that:

1)  I had worked hard and resisted impulse buys for 23 days prior to this.  I KNOW I can do it because I was doing it.
2)  The true reward was awareness.  I actually used my checkbook and kept track of bills, expenses, savings.  I was AWARE of my money.

But that didn't matter.  Those thoughts were not there.  Unplanned spending. Stuff I didn't need.  Why? I don't know. Aside from the purchase at Michaels, I didn't need any of it.  The new book is sitting on the ever-growing pile of "to read" books that I've been hoarding buying for as long as I can remember.  The new fabric is sitting in a box with all the other fabric that I've been  hoarding buying forever too.

Funny thing is - just a few days earlier, I had gone through my Clutter Free challenge and made piles of  books and craft supplies that I was going to get rid off/give away/sell/consign.   Let me go over that again.....I just got RID of stuff and then a few days later added MORE to my stash. What kind of insanity is that?

It's the insanity of compulsive spending.  That's the cycle.  And one day.....ONE DAY, I will BREAK that cycle.

In the meantime, I hit reset and start over.

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Spending Less, Loving More -- My Journey to Controlling Compulsive Spending

Hello, my name is Jennifer and I'm a compulsive spender/debtor.

It's a big secret that some knew about me. But there are probably more people who don't know that little fact than people who do.....until now. And what may surprise you even more is that I've struggled with this for well over 20+ years. At times the compulsion would lie dormant for awhile, only to erupt with full force and heap destruction through my financial life. It's caused me heartache, stress, insomnia, and much much more. 

 

Around Thanksgiving, I was asked to be a part of a Launch Team to promote a new book called "Clutter Free" by Kathi Lipp.  I knew I had a problem with clutter....kitchen counters, kitchen table, my desk. I thought by joining this launch team, I'd get some tips on staying organized and keeping up (i.e. - stop being lazy and just put your shit away!). But as I started reading.....it became so, so much more. My eyes were really opened to the fact that clutter is a result of my spending.  Read that again -- CLUTTER IS A RESULT OF MY SPENDING.

 

As I took inventory of my hot spots - not just the kitchen table and counter, but also the garage, the laundry room, our bedroom - I became more and more convicted.  I knew I had a problem with spending, but for so long, I kept my eyes shut to the true problem and just chalked it up to laziness -- I just didn't want to put anything away.  But the truth was -- I COULDN'T PUT ANYTHING AWAY.

 

I looked at my dresser drawer that wouldn't close because of so many tshirts.  I looked at my closet and saw numerous tops -- many of the same color, same style and many of the same style, different color.  On a shelf, I saw multiple pairs of jeans.  In the laundry room (which doubles as my craft room), I saw multiple supplies -- because I'd forget what I'd have and buy more.  And let's not even talk about the books I have stacked on shelves, on the floor, in baskets just waiting to be read.

 

I decided that I really needed to take the bull by the horns and get my financial life back on track. I'm setting a bad example for my daughters - and darn it - it's time I just grew up and stopped acting so damn irresponsibly.

As I was looking for support groups online, I couldn't find one that truly spoke to me, so I thought that I would start one myself. I wanted to create a space where I could share my journey, my successes, and my failures.  I took a breath, gathered my courage, and shared my intention on my personal FB page.  And then I created my Facebook Page - "Spending Less, Loving More". 

 

 

What amazed me the most was how many of my friends commented with love, support and encouragement.  Not one ridiculed me, criticized me, or rejected me -- as I feared.  I also got a lot of "me too!"....confirming that I am not alone with struggling with this addiction.  So many deal with this in silence because it just isn't really considered a "legitimate" addiction.

 

But we suffer too.  And we need a place to share, which is why I created my FB page.    It is my deepest hope that through my sharing, others who struggle with debt and compulsive spending will find a place to come and share and know that they are not alone.

 

Please come by, take a look, and share your story if you feel compelled. (It is my hope to eventually have a dedicated blog as well, but for now, I'll write on this page.)

 

If I only reach one person through my story, then I will be happy.

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