Cell Phone Hell (AKA - Nani & The 911 Operator)

Yesterday was an exciting day here in the Toy Box Household. Not only did we get a new backyard, but I had to buy a new cell phone.

The piece of junk that I had was turning me into a raging lunatic every time it dropped a call. I was soooo over having to take 15 minutes to make one phone call. And don't get me started on the mystery powering off. I'd be on the phone when it would just shut off. I thought maybe it was some kind of karmic way of letting me know that my phone call was too long.....but it just got really old and really frustrating.

So, off I go to buy a new cell phone - with two children in tow - right at naptime & lunchtime. (Yes - I can hear all you mommys cringing out there. Shopping during this time is like taking your life into your hands....but I HAD to get a phone and it just couldn't wait).

I mentally prepared myself for the barrage of sales pitches that I knew I would receive. You know the ones.... "A one time deal...." "Won't see an offer like this again...." "Only $999.99 AFTER the rebate....." The salesman, although nice and a little too overly flirty (I guess he didn't notice the two kids hanging on me and calling me Mommy), DID try to push the new iPhone on me. ONLY $199.99! Seriously?? I politely told him that my phone has to pass the kick, punt and pass test. I have two kids and two dogs -- all of which have been known to drool on my phone at some point in time. Do I really need a phone where I can pull up the GPS map and zoom into the backyard of someone's house in Whoville, USA?? Do I really need a phone where I can simultaneously play Solitaire, watch my favorite TV show, post on my blog, AND download the latest stock market numbers? (Ok, maybe I could use the blog feature....but everything else?)

I stood my ground and politely told Mr. Salesman that I would prefer a more modest model - and chose a lovely Samsung slide model in a shade of cobalt blue. At that point, Mr. Salesman stopped being flirty as he saw his commission going out the window and became much more curt and business-like. (Or maybe he finally noticed Nudge in the stroller chewing on my keys and Nani twirling in circles behind me singing from The Little Mermaid once again.)

After we completed our transaction, Mr. Salesman asked me if I wanted to keep my old phone. I told him yes, I would and could he please transfer my data and then remove the battery so that I can give the phone to Nani to play with. It took just a moment and I could swear he was getting ready to pitch the iPhone to my 4-yr. old. As we were getting ready to leave, I became momentarily distracted by the girls as mothers tend to do. Assuming our business was complete, I grabbed my bag and the girls and headed out the door before total nap & hunger meltdowns took place. After strapping the girls in their carseats, I give Nani my old phone and tell her to give Grandpap a call figuring it'll keep her occupied until I can get home.

About five minutes into our drive, I hear the following conversation from the backseat.....

Hi Grandpap! It's Nani!

I'm fine...how are you? I'm coming to see you soon!

(I'm thinking....how sweet is this! Her imagination at work! Then I hear....)

I'm 4 years old.

PAUSE

My name is Nani

PAUSE

I'm a big sister

PAUSE

Mommy can't talk right now

(Uh oh......)

PAUSE

Mommy - Grandpap wants to talk to you....

(Ummm....ok.....I'll play along. At the next stop light I take the phone)

ME: Hello Grandpap!!

VOICE: M'aam - this is the Whoville 911 Dispatcher. Are you ok?

ME: WTF?? Ooops....I'm sorry....who is this again?

VOICE: M'aam this is the Whoville 911 Dispatcher. Are you ok? Are you in distress? Your daughter said you can't talk right now.

ME: Oh God....

VOICE: M'aam....do you need help? Do we need to send an officer?

(I'm thinking, you may need to send one back to the cell phone store to protect that idiot salesman who did NOT take the battery out of the cellphone like I asked)

ME: No sir, I'm perfectly fine. I just bought a new cell phone and gave my daughter the old one. It's seems that she managed to turn the phone on and in her mind, she was calling her grandpap.

VOICE: (Suppressing laughter...I can just hear it in his voice....) Well m'aam....I'm glad you're ok, but you may want to take the battery out so that this doesn't happen again. (Noooo....really????) But, be reassured...she at least knows how to call for help. You have a nice day now!

ME: Thank you for your understanding. (And for not sending a SWAT team to my location to free me from the phantom carjacker....)

NANI: Mommy can I give grandpap a kiss goodbye?

(SIGH)

It seems that you can still use a phone for emergency purposes even when it's not attached to any phone number or account. Open up the phone, hit any keys and you're immediately connected to a very nice, understanding 911 dispatcher.

I suppose that if I had bought that darn iPhone, I could have turned on the GPS and they could have tracked my location where they would have found me 5 minutes later in the McDonald's drive-thru slurping down a vanilla milkshake to calm my nerves.

Once I calmed down.....I heard this from the backseat.....

NANI: Mommy, what's an iPhone?

(SIGH!)