A Few Thoughts on The Bachelor

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I jumped on The Bachelor bandwagon this season. I can't believe I held out this long.

I think it was the fact that there was nothing on TV the night I started watching. I was flipping channels and saw Jake and Vienna sobbing on the railing of the bridge wondering if they should or shouldn't jump.

I thought to myself.....Gimmee a freakin' break -- but I kept watching.  It was like a train wreck.  And I came back for more. And I watched again. I even got My Marine sucked into it. So now we watch together. It got to the point that on Monday nights, we were rushing the kids through the bedtime routine - holding them up and rinsing them off under the shower, tossing them in bed and putting on stories on CD instead of reading to them.  But shhhh....you didn't hear that from me.

My recap tonight can't compare nearly to some of the other blogs I've read out there -- especially Kat over at Mama's Losin' It.  But this week, I just have a few words for the Bachelor and the women (ahem) competing for his big paycheck love.

Jake - you are a nice looking man. A little too white bread for me, but still you're not hard on the eyes. However, I think you're missing a lot of common sense -- or else it all went to another part of your body. If I seriously have to hear you say that you're "so love with Ali, Vienna, Tenley, Gia" or that you're waiting for them to "open up for you" one more time, I'm seriously going to hurl. You're already making me gag with those puppy dog eyes and crooked grin. Can you seriously just grow a pair already??

Ali - Dear, sweet, pouty-lipped Ali. You had him in the palm of your hand and you dropped him like a hot potato for your job at Facebook? A job putting out the annoying ads that make no sense on the sidebar of my home page? But I suppose securing ads for sleep apnea and to see who's stalking Googling you is more important than true love. Loved the footage of you sleeping with his picture and nice try with the sappy phone call to try to get him back. How'd that work for ya?

Tenley - Tenley, Tenley, Tenley. You have your qualities and while I understand that you have been hurt by your divorce, I think that you're too much of an emotional ball of twine ready to unravel the first time Jake is late from work or doesn't call you. I can see it now....WHERE WERE YOU?? I GAVE YOU A GLIMPSE INTO MY SOUL WHEN I DANCED FOR YOU DAMMIT! Yeah -- and that dance during your home visit -- I felt sorry for you. My eyes glazed over when you started to dance and Jake didn't drop that goofy grin once. However - between you and Vienna, you're now my favorite.

Gia - Miss "I had my shoes stolen in school" Swimsuit Model. Before the rose ceremony last night, I really thought you had a shot. Your date was very romantic, even without the $2000 shoes that Jake seemed to be fixated on. You dance better than Jake too. I'm sorry that you're gone, but I think you are just too nice and too sweet for Jake. Talk to your brother. Have him pay Jake a visit in the dark of night and then find yourself a man who's willing to take some dance lessons and appreciates your $2000 shoes.

Vienna - I have no nice words for you. I have no respect for you. Your ex-husband is a Marine who was in Iraq fighting for his country when you decided to drain your bank accounts for a bad dye job and fake boobs. I can't believe the show didn't delve deeper into the whole Vienna-Daddy relationship. The way he was lurking outside your door and then says "I'm right outside" really creeped me the hell out! He just looks like he should be on some kind of watch list. I fully expected him to be hiding in the closet in the Fantasy Suite. I purely believe that the attraction between you & Jake is all in the "nether regions". You have no compassion, you're selfish. You can take the girl out of Hooters, but you can't take the Hooters out of the girl.

While I can't wait for the tell all show next week, I have to wait at least another week before I get to watch it. My Marine is leaving for Jordan on Thursday and will miss all the fun. I promised him that I'd DVR the show for him and that I wouldn't watch it. I'll just have to read all the blogs the next day to see what happens!!

And my final word -- I'm hooked. Add yet another stupid reality show to the list!