Appliance Possession and Antelope Spirits - Part I

>> Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My kitchen appliances are possessed.  I'm tempted to call my priest to perform an exorcism.  It's really freaky.

But let me back up a bit and share Part I of this story.

When My Marine was deployed, I thought our house was going to burn down.  I was sitting upstairs in the spare bedroom/computer room (this was while Nani was a baby) checking email when I started to hear a buzzing sound.  I tried to find the source only to discover that it was coming from within the walls of my upstairs stairwell.  I did a little troubleshooting, turning off all the breakers - and the buzzing stopped.  Flipped the breakers on, the buzzing was back.  I was terrified that my house was going to burn down.  After a few phone calls to my dad back home (who was also getting ready to board a plane to come see me the next day) I called an electrician (who came recommended through our FRG I might add....) and he came right out. 

He seemed nice enough -- at first.......

After he checked out the sound and determined that yes, there was a buzzing in my walls, he proceeded to tell me that to further determine the cause, he'd have to cut two holes in my wall to check the wiring.  Ok, no problem. 

Things started to go awry when he said that there's no wiring there and that the only reason my walls were buzzing were because of the antelope spirits.


Turns out that my neighborhood electrician is also an escapee from the mental hospital avid Native American enthusiast and was convinced that my housing plan was built on ancient Indian grounds.  The antelope spirits were running free in my wall trying to escape to the Great Hunting Ground in the sky.  And by cutting the holes in my wall, he was allowing those spirits to find their way out and to the Happy Hunting Ground.

Any minute now I expected him to pull out a drum and start chanting.

I thanked him for his insight, showed him the door very, very quickly and then tried to figure out how I was going to explain to My Marine that there's two holes in his wall to let the antelope spirits free.

The next day, my dad arrived and didn't waste any time checking out my problem.  I trust him implicitly since 1) he is my daddy and 2) he has many, many years experience with electrical work thanks to his employment with US Steel.  As I explained to him the medicine man's electrician's theory for the buzzing, he started giving me that look that said, "You paid this looney tune money to cut holes in your wall to let antelope spirits free?"  (In my defense, he didn't say that until AFTER he cut the holes in my wall!)

Turns out that the buzzing was just the duct work vibrating every time the furnace kicked on.  Yeah, I'm an idiot.

But the day before Christmas, I'm convinced the antelope spirits returned.

To find out how the antelopes and my kitchen appliances are connected, you'll have to come back tomorrow to read Part II!  And it's a doozy!


MaryAnne February 1, 2011 at 7:30 AM  

I wonder what your electrician would say about the tendency my appliances have of catching fire...

Christy February 1, 2011 at 8:00 AM  

This is so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Grace February 1, 2011 at 8:07 AM  

Oh my gosh!! This is hysterical. Were you able to keep a straight face when he started talking about the antelope spirits?

Aren't Dad's the best??

Hope we'll see you Thursday for Mama's Heart.

Take care,

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