My Daughter Said the "U" Word.....

>> Friday, February 17, 2012

For Valentine's Day, we, My Marine got the girls each a pink rose, a card, and a basket of goodies.  The card, I thought, was super cute.....Disney Princesses....and when you opened it up....there was one of those aluminum foil mirrors and the inside of the card basically said, you're a princess too, when you looked in the mirror.

So last night, we're putting the girls to bed and I hear this conversation:

My Marine - "No you're not!"

Nani - "Yes, I am"

My Marine - "Don't you ever say that again...."

Now I'm thinking....what the heck is going on???

So I call Nani into Nudgie's room and ask what's going on.  And what she said made my heart drop......

"I'm Ugly"

My heart just sank.  She's 7.

I looked at her and asked her why she thought that.  She said that when she looked at the card, she was ugly.  (Meaning that awful distorted aluminum foil mirror in the card).  I looked her square in the eye and told her that she is a beautiful little girl - inside and out.  I turned her around so that she was looking in her sister's mirror and asked her if she saw the same image that she saw in the card.  She shook her head.

I told her that the card was just one of those funny mirrors like we see at the amusement parks....they're supposed to be funny.  But, she obviously didn't take it that way.

After giggling a little more about the card, we tried to explain to her even more that she was beautiful -- and that God made her beautiful.  I told her that pretty is not only on the outside.....but also on the inside, in the way she acts and speaks.  I explained to her that pretty isn't always having your hair done right or wearing matching clothes - buts it's also the way she's nice to her sister, and to her friends, and being respectful to those around her.

I'm trying to teach her that it's not always about the looks.  I want her to believe that she's beautiful without always having to look in the mirror.  I want her to believe that she's pretty without always having to be told.

She's only 7..........


Patty February 17, 2012 at 7:44 AM  

That breaks my heart! You did an excellent job in your response to her. That is one of the hardest parts of being a important conversation that we have no way to know is coming. Obviously you're a great parent and well prepared to guide your beautiful girls.

Mel February 17, 2012 at 8:57 AM  

How heart-breaking! It is so easy for us to send the wrong message (as a society) so you are doing the right thing by giving her the right message. Tell her everyday and she will listen and truly believe it!

Raising a Happy Child February 17, 2012 at 1:11 PM  

This is so important for the girls to believe in themselves, in their beauty, in their strength. There are way too many distorted mirrors in our society trying to get them to doubt themselves. So sad!

Vivian February 17, 2012 at 11:05 PM  

That was a "beautiful" post, Jenn. I applaud you for explaining to her that "beauty" is not the physical looks on our is how we act towards others and how we feel about ourselves...we MUST love ourselves...because only then can we reach out and love others.
The question is, with so many other influences (school, media, friends) the time we spend with our children is that much more important...especially as they get a little older and move into other circles of influence outside the home.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jenn.

MaryAnne February 18, 2012 at 5:21 PM  


I'm so glad she has you as a mom! She is a beautiful girl, inside and out!

Dawn February 24, 2012 at 9:05 PM  

I can only imagine how your heart must have sank to hear that from your sweet Nani. And I love how you handled that. Coming from the perspective of the girl who was convinced at 9 that she was ugly, I wish someone would have told me exactly what you told her, that outside beauty is merely a reflection of inside beauty. Keep up the good work Mamma. Every little girl needs a Mamma like you! I love you my friend. ((Hugs)) to you and to your very beautiful, inside and out, little Nani.

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