God Whispers

>> Sunday, June 26, 2011

Originally posted October 2010

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I've been struggling with my faith. It's a struggle that I've been battling for quite a long time now.

I grew up in a Catholic household where I HAD to go to church every Sunday - whether I wanted to or not. I went to a Catholic college...but during those college years, the church-going wasn't so important to me.

I got married and moved away.....and my faith slid down the the priority list and my church-going days were non-existent.

I had some hard years in my personal life and my marriage - and then my husband deployed to Iraq.....and while I still did not go to church, I prayed. I prayed for God to help me with my struggles. I prayed to God to keep my husband safe. I prayed that God heard my prayers. I had doubts. Why would God listen to my prayers? Why would God want to help me? I haven't been that faithful. I doubted Him and His existence. I haven't been to church. Why would I even bother to pray when so many others suffer and are in need of His prayers and help?

Over the past year and a half, something started to stir within me. I had a longing for something more...and for that I have to thank my MOPS group. Because of MOPS, that longing to have a new relationship with God was planted as a tiny seed within me. I may not have gone to church every week, but by attending MOPS, I was still feeling God's love and hearing His message. It was a good start for me.

I wanted to intensify my walk with God. I began to search for a church. I began to have conversations with God -- mostly at night when I would feel at my lowest. I began to pray again. It may not have been on a regular, daily basis...but I had to start somewhere. I started listening to inspirational music. I thought that by starting to do all of these things, I would feel that proverbial "lightening bolt" that would acknowledge God's presence in my life. I expected to hear God's voice. To have this moment of great spiritual awakening -- that "A-Ha!" moment. It never came in the way that I expected.

Two weekends ago, I attended the Women of Faith conference here in Denver. I was pretty excited to hear some of the speakers and was hoping that I would come away with some small message. But, what I came away with was so much more.

I realized that God has been speaking to me all along....I was just too wrapped up in waiting for that "lightening bolt" that I just didn't listen. It wasn't the bolt of lightening -- it was the small whispers, the smallest things. It wasn't God's booming voice saying to me, "I am here!". It was God's small whisper saying "Be still and know that I am here and that I accept you where you are right now"

It was God's subtle whispering when My Marine didn't have to attend a work-related class a couple of states away. I was stressing over how we would find the money to send him -- especially after draining our savings account for unexpected car repairs. God whispered and My Marine didn't have to go.

It was God's subtle whispering that kept us safe during our recent trip to Portland. While we passed 4 tractor trailer accidents (all going the opposite way of our travels), our car did slip and slide a few times. God whispered and tightened our grip on the steering wheel to keep control of our car.

It was God's subtle whispering that led me to listen to more inspirational music. God has given me a love of music....all types of music. And God has chosen to use that love to get His message across to me. He whispered "You may not hear my words spoken, but you will hear my words & my message through song". God whispered beautiful songs & lyrics into my ear...and I listen and sing along.

I'm learning as I go. Some things are still a little uncomfortable for me...but I take that as a sign that it's something that I need to "be still" about and try to listen to what God is whispering in my ear. He is making me uncomfortable for a reason....there is something that I need to learn from my discomfort. I don't think that I'll ever be a "Prayer Warrior" quoting scripture so easily from the top of my head. Heck -- I can't even remember where I put my bible!

But I do know that when I DO find my bible, I will be putting in some inspirational music and letting it fall open to whatever message God will be whispering to me at that moment.

6 comments:

Anonymous June 26, 2011 at 6:32 AM  

ooooh that is kinda....kinda...
something to me. I can't put it into words,but i think back over the last year or two of my life, and i wonder???. I know this was posted ages ago, probably when i was coming to the crossroads of my beliefs at the time. I have been standing 'here' for a long time, trying to decide what i believe. I'm still not sure what it is that i believe? Like you said all the "whispers". After my upbringing and the hypocratic (???) things i've seen and read, i can't let myself go fully into a particular belief or faith. but a post like this (maybe another whisper??) certainly gets the cogs moving in my head again.

I apologise if all that is crazy rambling, but it feels good to get some thoughts, no matter how mixed up ;) out of my head. :D

5+2=1

Anonymous June 26, 2011 at 11:02 AM  

It's always a journey. I have found that what I read, watch, and the words I choose to use are a huge impact on how I am walking with God. Even in anger, I need to be purposeful to not allow foul language to come across my lips.

Erin June 29, 2011 at 6:22 PM  

Wonderful!! I also have a hard time hearing those whispers :0) Thanks for being so honest and open, you're speaking to more than you know.

Every Day Products & More July 3, 2011 at 1:22 PM  

hello newest follower from the hop look forward to reading your posts
http://everydayproductsandmore.blogspot.com/

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend July 3, 2011 at 3:13 PM  

This post still speaks to me today. I have walked in those shoes recently

megan July 7, 2011 at 11:32 AM  

This has often been me...waiting for the lightening bolt moment. I wonder if I'm just missing the little whispers...thanks for getting me thinking. God bless you!

http://babystepsthroughthebible.blogspot.com

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