Resetting the Spending Clock

On Monday, I had to reset my "spending" clock.  On Saturday and Sunday, I shopped in Barnes & Noble, Michaels, & JoAnn Fabrics.

Over the weekend, I decided to add a new item to my Etsy Store - Sputzy's Stitches and Stuff.  I made a couple samples at home using what I had on hand, but knew that if I wanted to make marketable items, I would have to get a few supplies.  So, on Saturday, after dropping off Nani at a sleepover, I went to Michaels and JoAnn's.  It was a 50/50 purchase -- meaning that I did NEED one of the items, but I WANTED the others.  I could have easily used the fabric I had to get started...no need to buy more.  But I did.  And guess what -- I still ended up using the fabric I had on hand and the fabric I bought is still sitting in the bag.

Then on Sunday, I bought a book at Barnes and Noble.  I didn't need it.  I have other books I need to read first.  I actually went into the bookstore to buy a book that was referenced during the sermon at church that morning.....but the pull was too strong.  Fortunately, I kept the receipt and plan on returning the book later this week.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I justified all those purchases - I didn't have a bad day, I didn't have a fight with My Marine, I wasn't stressed or anxious, I wasn't having a "trigger moment".......I just told myself that I've been doing so good, I told myself that my bills were paid, I had some extra money and darn it, I was doing so good, I deserved a reward.  And that reward was shopping.

In the moment I didn't realize or remember that:

1)  I had worked hard and resisted impulse buys for 23 days prior to this.  I KNOW I can do it because I was doing it.
2)  The true reward was awareness.  I actually used my checkbook and kept track of bills, expenses, savings.  I was AWARE of my money.

But that didn't matter.  Those thoughts were not there.  Unplanned spending. Stuff I didn't need.  Why? I don't know. Aside from the purchase at Michaels, I didn't need any of it.  The new book is sitting on the ever-growing pile of "to read" books that I've been hoarding buying for as long as I can remember.  The new fabric is sitting in a box with all the other fabric that I've been  hoarding buying forever too.

Funny thing is - just a few days earlier, I had gone through my Clutter Free challenge and made piles of  books and craft supplies that I was going to get rid off/give away/sell/consign.   Let me go over that again.....I just got RID of stuff and then a few days later added MORE to my stash. What kind of insanity is that?

It's the insanity of compulsive spending.  That's the cycle.  And one day.....ONE DAY, I will BREAK that cycle.

In the meantime, I hit reset and start over.