>> Tuesday, January 27, 2015
On Monday, I had to reset my "spending" clock. On Saturday and Sunday, I shopped in Barnes & Noble, Michaels, & JoAnn Fabrics.
Over the weekend, I decided to add a new item to my Etsy Store - Sputzy's Stitches and Stuff. I made a couple samples at home using what I had on hand, but knew that if I wanted to make marketable items, I would have to get a few supplies. So, on Saturday, after dropping off Nani at a sleepover, I went to Michaels and JoAnn's. It was a 50/50 purchase -- meaning that I did NEED one of the items, but I WANTED the others. I could have easily used the fabric I had to get started...no need to buy more. But I did. And guess what -- I still ended up using the fabric I had on hand and the fabric I bought is still sitting in the bag.
Then on Sunday, I bought a book at Barnes and Noble. I didn't need it. I have other books I need to read first. I actually went into the bookstore to buy a book that was referenced during the sermon at church that morning.....but the pull was too strong. Fortunately, I kept the receipt and plan on returning the book later this week.
But that's not the point.
The point is that I justified all those purchases - I didn't have a bad day, I didn't have a fight with My Marine, I wasn't stressed or anxious, I wasn't having a "trigger moment".......I just told myself that I've been doing so good, I told myself that my bills were paid, I had some extra money and darn it, I was doing so good, I deserved a reward. And that reward was shopping.
In the moment I didn't realize or remember that:
1) I had worked hard and resisted impulse buys for 23 days prior to this. I KNOW I can do it because I was doing it.
2) The true reward was awareness. I actually used my checkbook and kept track of bills, expenses, savings. I was AWARE of my money.
But that didn't matter. Those thoughts were not there. Unplanned spending. Stuff I didn't need. Why? I don't know. Aside from the purchase at Michaels, I didn't need any of it. The new book is sitting on the ever-growing pile of "to read" books that I've been
Funny thing is - just a few days earlier, I had gone through my Clutter Free challenge and made piles of books and craft supplies that I was going to get rid off/give away/sell/consign. Let me go over that again.....I just got RID of stuff and then a few days later added MORE to my stash. What kind of insanity is that?
It's the insanity of compulsive spending. That's the cycle. And one day.....ONE DAY, I will BREAK that cycle.
In the meantime, I hit reset and start over.