It's A Boy or A Girl -- Maybe??

>> Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I always wanted to be a mother.  I know I've said this over and over, but it's all I've ever wanted.  No corporate ladder climbing for me -- just motherhood.

My Marine and I got married in 1995.  I had expected to have children within 2 years, but that didn't happen.  Being in the military was new to My Marine and me.  He was gone -- a lot -- and he didn't want to be an absentee dad.  (Yes, I know...look at our life now!).  But I gave in and we waited.

In 2000, he got out of the Marines and wasn't sure what his career path was going to be.  So we waited again.  This went on and on for a total of 9 years before we found out I was pregnant with Nani.  Nani was a surprise of epic proportions.  I was on the pill.  We were taking precautions.  But I guess God had other plans.

I was in heaven.  I was finally a mother! 

Then in the summer of 2007, we agreed to start trying again.  Nothing was holding us back.  We tried for 2 months before I became pregnant with Nudgie.

7th Heaven!

While I was laying on the table being put back together after my C-Section, my doctor and the surgeon asked me if I was having my tubes tied.  It was a resounding NO that echoed through the operating room.  If there was to come a time when we wouldn't have any more kids -- then My Marine was the one who was going to get snipped.

But he never did.  And I'm feeling the itch again.  I have been feeling it since we brought Nudgie home from the hospital.  It was a feeling that never went away.

I had hoped that it would go away after holding friends' babies -- and believe me, there's been a LOT over the past two years.  25 within the past year ALONE!   But the feeling never went away....and in fact, the ache became bigger and bigger.

I'd bring up the topic to My Marine every 6 months or so, but would never get a definite answer.  The one thing I clung to was the fact that he didn't outright say no.  It was a glimmer of hope. 

We've talked over and over - pros and cons.  It's hard to say exactly WHY I want another baby.  Why would I want to add to the insanity that is my daily life already?  Why would I want to relive the sleep deprivation and sleepless nights?  Why would I want to push my luck when I already am incredibly blessed with two very beautiful little girls......babies that I thank God for every single day.  Why would I want to go through 9 months of morning sickness, sinus infections, kidney shots and rib kicks?

Because I love being a mother.  I love my girls with such ferocity and I know I have room to love another baby. 

Saturday night, we had the talk again.  This time, we have a timeframe to make a decision.  I did tell My Marine that if he does say no, I will accept it.  However, he needs to understand that I will need time to process this decision.  To process that I will never feel those first flutters inside me, hold my newborn baby skin to skin, feel total contentment (and exhaustion) during those late night feeding time.  I explained that he needs to give me time to grieve and to understand that I will be upset and that I will be angry and that I just can't "let it go" like he can.

But deep down, I'm hoping that he'll say yes.

10 comments:

Ash August 18, 2010 at 1:09 AM  

my hubby and i are on this topic as ash is going to be 14 months old tomorrow. i always wanted 3 kids but in this commercial world, i have to be realistic so we have decided to have 2 kids so 1 more kid to go.

my hubby loved baby girl so hope we'll have a baby girl by next year. i'm not looking fwd to gaining and losing 20 kilos but it is all worth it and esp. if he/she will be as a good baby as ash then i'd be so lucky!

sorry, i'm going on about myself here but what you're thinking is going through my mind too and whatever will happen WILL happen. fingers crossed that your hubby changes his mind or you'll "accidentally" fall preggie soon. ;)

~ash's mum

Christy August 18, 2010 at 5:55 AM  

I have three children - my oldest is 13!, my middle is 6, and my youngest is 4. I still get the itch. My husband is definitely DONE and I feel very blessed and content, but I don't think I will ever stop wanting more children.

I hope he says yes. Keep us posted.

Carly August 18, 2010 at 6:40 AM  

When my Husband and I had our 2nd. I had a repeat C-Section. I did not get my tubes tied. I wanted More. He told me he was done .I told him I was not. He wasked me "who are you going to have a Baby with " I replied "I do not know,but I know I am not done" We are expecting our 3rd Baby A Little Girl ,a Welcomed Surprise after 2 Boys this Oct. When the Doc asked if I was going to tie my tubes I replied. "yes..I married the wrong man to have Babies with " Hope you both decide on a Green Light!!

Sandy August 18, 2010 at 3:38 PM  

Oh my!!! We've had 24 new babies in our lives this year too!!! Seriously, its insane, right?!?! It kind of made me itch too. My youngest just turned 3. I'm in the process of trying to get healthy (for me, not for pregnancy), but honestly, we've not been all that careful some of the time and I'm ok with it if somehthing did happen. Keep us posted, lady!

Raising a Happy Child August 18, 2010 at 4:50 PM  

I hope your Marine agrees. Mine is absolutely, positively "all done". I respect it, since we always planned to have only one. Still, I wish he changed his mind while it's still feasible for us to have #2, but I am not holding my breath.

Heather August 18, 2010 at 8:07 PM  

I hope he says yes too! Maybe you should let him read your blog post...it might help.


I'm thankful my husband seems to be on board to start trying again in January...I have to wait to get back on insurance. Unfortunately I had fertility issues before, so I'm sure I will have trouble again in the getting pregnant department.

Good luck!!

Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

Jennifer Haas August 18, 2010 at 9:12 PM  

I hope he says yes too. We are talking about trying for the 3rd in the next year or so. We will see how it goes. Are 2nd was a surprise, and I don't want another one of those. I'm the planning type!

Anonymous August 19, 2010 at 5:48 AM  

It is extremely interesting for me to read that post. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Hilary Swenson

5+2=1 August 20, 2010 at 6:20 AM  

My hubby and I have five children. We always said we would have six. after # 4 his father died and he was adament that we were done, I was ok with that....... for a while. I desperately NEEDED another baby, and eventually he agreed, as his intial feelings were grief based, and didn't actually make sense. I prepared myself the whole time with # 5 savoring every moment I could and was content with 5, until my 20 wk scan confirmed only 1 baby and girl #4 (1st born was a boy) I mentioned to hubby I was disapointed it wasn't twins (family history) and left it at that. Few days later hubby planted a "new seed" saying we might need to have 6 because he too was hoping for twins!! So I nurtured that little seed and my hope along with it, even through the worst out of 5 pregnancies and deliveries. 2 weeks after delivery and still in horrible pain (my back was REALLY out) I told him I was ready when he was. - He, on the other hand, was now definately done! - he.. HE! couldn't go through it again ;o) and with my reluctant agreement he has had the "snip" So to summarise a long story, I still grieve occassionally for the "baby" we never had (I like to think it could have been another boy after 4 girls) but I can, on the other hand, truthfully say I AM DONE. -I'm not sure if this answered anything or helped you, but I felt compelled to write it

Good luck with your decisions, I'm sure it will be what your family needs

5+2=1

Home Ceo Mom August 20, 2010 at 1:42 PM  

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Have a great weekend!

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