The Quest To Be The Perfect Wife and Mother......

>> Monday, August 9, 2010

I have a flaw.

I think I can read My Marine's mind.  I think that I know what he's thinking.  And I tell myself that when he comes hom from work after a long hard day and sees the disaster that the house is, he's thinking - "What the hell does she do all day?  Why can't this house be in order?"

I am way too hard on myself.  I have this internal battle with myself at least once a week.  And it's usually when my house is falling apart.

Now, we all know that the quest to be the perfect wife and mother is never-ending.  We will never achieve that goal because no matter how hard you try - you'll always fall short.  It's an easy concept to understand -- just one that's hard to accept.

There will always be some deep, secret part of me that truly wants to be the ultimate stay home wife and mom.  You know the one....Donna Reed, Harriet Nelson, Ma Ingalls.  Deep down I feel that because I stay home everything should be great.  And I BELIEVE that my husband feels the same.

At times, it's hard for me to say thank you when he helps around the house -- folding laundry, running the vacuum, unloading and loading the dishwasher. 

(Can someone please explain to me how he can maintain a multi-billion dollar Army helicopter, but he can't figure out how to put the dishes in the dishwasher so that you can fit more than 4 dishes???)

And it's hard for me to say thank you because I'm too busy nursing my wounded ego.  Because at times, I cringe inside when he asks, "Does this laundry need folding" or "Do you want me to run the vacuum?"  At times, I take it as an insult -- that I'm not doing my "job".  That I'm failing so miserably as a mom and wife that my husband has to step in and do housework.

Oh, don't get me wrong -- there are also times when I gratefully accept the help and let him fold the laundry or run the vacuum.  (And I swear, he's having a secret affair with our steam cleaner.  Every other week he's like, "I can run the steam cleaner on the carpets, ok?"  At this rate, I'm not going to have any carpets left!)

And I do say thank you more times than I can count.  But yet I still struggle.

How many of you struggle with reality and perfection?


cfoxes33 August 9, 2010 at 7:26 AM  

I'm not a stay at home mom anymore, but I understand your dilemma. I've tried this summer to get my kids to help out more, but band camp, injuries and such get in the way. My husband does help out and that is wonderful, but feel I never do enough.

Debbie August 9, 2010 at 7:27 AM  

I have my hand raised over here! I do struggle. I also jump to conclusions about things my husband says all the times. Why do we do these things?

Dina August 9, 2010 at 7:33 AM  

hmm funny you posted this, last week my hubby had the nerve to tell me the house was a shithole, I laughed and said then maybe he should learn how to rinse a dish and put it into the dishwasher..not to mention casey's mess. I don't feel the need to thank him when he does something that any adult should be capable of doing. If he wants the house really clean then the boys need to help me with that little stuff, since every day the kitchen and den need the same tlc, and I never make it to any other room. With that said, he works 14 hour days and I understand I am pretty blessed to be able to stay home.I don't ask him to do much of anything around here, so I get really ticked when he makes a comment like that.

Semalee August 9, 2010 at 7:40 AM  

Your husband runs the vacuum????? WOW. :)

I totally get what you're saying. I'm the same way :)

Aprille August 9, 2010 at 7:48 AM  

wait you just totally read my mind!!!

This is one of my biggest struggles recently esp with the pregnancy! And I worry so much about how I will keep up with the house with a new baby!

I've learned that perfection is over-rated.

I've also learned that generally what I THINK my husband is thinking isn't true. He always tells me that if he is disappointed with me about the house that HE WILL TELL ME! and that all the guilt I carry around is simply self-induced.

And as my therapist tells me "your dishes' feelings won't be hurt if you don't do them..." lol

Karen August 9, 2010 at 8:41 AM  

You are definetly reading my mind as well. I feel the same way and I think my husband feels that way about me. Though I dream of being June Clever, there is no doubt in my mind that I am Roseanne Connor or Peg Bundy, and I can't get by that.

Glad I came back to visit your blog, hadn't been here in a bit. Sorry about your pup, I was tearing up as I was reading it. Sending you guys

Gen August 9, 2010 at 8:57 AM  

I struggle. daily. and add to that the joys of homeschooling...some days it's almost too much!

~City Love... now, forever, always~ August 9, 2010 at 9:36 AM  

I think almost everyone struggles with the same thoughts and feelings.

You're definitely not alone!!

Christy August 9, 2010 at 12:08 PM  

I am the same way. I can see it on his face when he walks in the door. When I get really stressed about it, I end up yelling at my kids and what good is that? Ugh. My husband likes to pretend that he doesn't know how to do anything around the house. If he asked if he could help, I think I might drop dead from shock.

Mamma Sol August 10, 2010 at 1:52 AM  

I am not a stay-at-home mom, I am on sick leave from work. But I still feel that the kids should have the perfect manners, perfect clothes, perfect stimuli, and eat perfect, super-healthy home-made meals. I also feel that I should be able to do something about the house - normally, laundry is all I get done, and it is never folded. Cleaning and tidying up is almost always too much for me... but still, even if I am sick, or at work, I feel as if I should be able to get all this done anyways. I mean, my husband works long hours and has a commute, he doesn't need to come home to chaos, crying, and sticky floors every single day.

Raising a Happy Child August 10, 2010 at 10:48 AM  

Well, in our house perfection thoughts belong to my husband. He is the one trying hard to match reality and perfection and always falling short. I am a lot more Zen about these things - I always think that I will attend to all those little imperfections... tomorrow :)

We live in a Zoo! August 10, 2010 at 12:14 PM  

Whoa!!! What would it be like to have my husband vacuum, VOLUNTARILY!!! Don't take offense, know how LUCKY you are that he wants to help.

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