"Why You Gotta Be So Mean?"

>> Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Yesterday, I was having a good day.  I was running errands with my girls.....we stopped at Starbucks, sang in the car, and for once, they weren't fighting.  One of my last stops was to the local mall where I wanted to exchange some stuff.  For the girls....as a reward for good behavior, I took them into the pet store to see the puppies and then let them run around in the play area for a little bit before heading home while I sat reading my book .

I was in a good mood......until "SHE" sat down.

Let me start off by saying "SHE" is an acquaintance from my old church.  "SHE" is not even someone I would call a friend because "SHE" was one of the reasons we left that church to begin with.  "SHE" was a "friend" on Facebook and followed me throughout my deployment journey last year -- including my fitness journey.  I had not seen her or talked to her since I left the church and unfriended her on Facebook.......until yesterday.

She called out to me and sat herself right down next to me.  I could feel myself tensing up, but was determined to be courteous and cordial.  We made small talk -- she asked about My Marine, complimented the girls on how big they're getting, and asked me how I was doing.  She told me how well her family was doing.....the business trips her husband was taking.....how well the Women's Ministry that she leads at the church was doing....etc. etc.

Then she stunned me when she looked at me and said....."You know....you looked so GREAT last summer......what happened?"

I was speechless.  What happened?  WHAT HAPPENED??????

I sat quiet for a moment.  Trying to figure out how to respond.  In the span of a few seconds, so many things ran through my mind.

What happened?  Real life happened. 

My Marine came home from deployment and I had to readjust everything.
I wasn't able to eat the way I wanted, whenever I wanted.  His beer, chips and salsa came back into the house.

I didn't have the extra deployment income anymore that allowed me to meet with a trainer a couple times a week.

I got busy.  I got lazy.  I got complacent.

And yes.....I did take some BIG steps backwards.....BUT I was doing everything I could to get back on track and regain that awesomeness.

But regardless of all of these poor excuses, the fact that "SHE" felt that "SHE" could sit there questioning ME, when clearly she has never sweat a day in her life, left me angry, humiliated, and yes.....still speechless.

Even though I've been working hard....trying to get back on track......I still allowed her comment to seep back into my soul and shatter my self-esteem.  One that I worked so hard to try to put back together.......and in the end, I just shrugged and said, "Well, I guess real life just happened", when I really wanted to say "At least I'm trying....what's YOUR excuse?"

I caught her smirk.......and I became more conscious of the little extra rolls that have crept back on over the past year.

I caught the toss of her hair......and inside I berated myself for having that extra cup of coffee instead of a shake that morning.

I mumbled something about having to get the girls home, told her to take care, and left..........head just a little lower.....smile just a little dimmer.....the joy of the morning gone.

When we got home, I set the girls up with lunch and their books....and then sat down to post a rant on my FB page.  I wasn't looking for a pat on the back or encouragement.....I was looking for a place to vent.....and place where I could let my friends be aware that in spite of what we tell our children.....WORDS DO HURT......no matter if they come from a friend or someone you haven't seen in over a year.

But as comment after comment of support kept rolling in, I started to feel a little bit better.  Just enough to open up the Beachbody boxes that my mailman delivered in the midst of me typing my rant.  Inside were my new weights and my Les Mills Combat gloves.  Later on that day, I found out that a lady wanted to sell her punching bag to me......all signs that I AM back on that right track. 

After that brief pity party, I realized that I really have to thank "SHE" for making me feel like crap -- even if it was for a brief time.  Because her meanness, her cattiness, her "poor you" attitude just inspired me to be more determined.  She may have tried to win by tearing me down, but in end, she lost and I AM THE WINNER.....and I WILL get my awesomeness back!


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