Signs That I'm Getting Old(er)

I had a rare moment of peace & quiet yesterday where I chose NOT to fill it with laundry, dishes or vacuuming dog hair. I treated myself to watching a rerun of Supernanny on The Style Channel.

During one of the commercial breaks they were asking people on the street for their opinion on a product. I missed what the product was initially, but I heard people saying - yum, chocolate! or Yum, it tastes like honey graham crackers. My ears perked up -- what could be so delicious that it had people on the street proclaiming platitudes of yumminess?!

Turns out -- it was body powder.

Yes -- you read that right. Body powder.

My first thought? Not - how cool is that!! I really should order that! But - why?? Why would anyone want this stuff?

Some manufacturer out there thought they hit a goldmine by creating this product. A shimmery powder meant to entice and sexify your relationship. A shimmery powder meant to make your skin sparkle like a powdered donut under the flourescent lights of the grocery store bakery. I think they missed the mark with their target audience by airing the commercial in the middle of the afternoon -- during school hours....when no one is watching except retired schoolteachers and stay home moms that know that the last thing they used with the word "powder" in it was either baby powder or baby formula.

(Remember, I'm the same woman who in a fit of a chocolate craving ate the edible "love chocolate" that she was saving for a "special evening" with her Marine!)

This company thought it would be wonderful for women to cover themselves with a shimmery powder so they could walk around smelling like a giant graham cracker waiting to be dunked in some warm milk. The only thing I want to be dunked into is a hot bath at the end of the day.

(Sign #1 that I'm getting older.....)

That's when it hit me. I'm no longer young. I am now in that age-bracket of surveys which put you in the 35-40 range. I am a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday and I'm mourning the fact that I only have a year left in that survey age bracket before I get bumped up to the AARP bracket.

I'm not young any more......

After I had Nudgie, I discovered that I had grey hairs sprouting up. I tried to convince myself that my blond was coming through. I haven't been blonde since I was 18. And I should mention that I'm a natural brunette.

I walked by Victoria's Secret at the mall a few weeks ago and laughed at the lingerie in the window. Thinking, who on earth would wear that lacy negligee that looked like it would fall apart if you sneezed? Yep, I can see myself wearing this as I dash across the hall at 2am when I hear one of my children wailing either from teething pain or a nightmare.

My lingerie drawer is full of nursing pajamas, fuzzy flannel pants, tshirts my husband won't wear any more, panties from Target, and bras made of material that the military uses for parachutes because it's so sturdy.

I was shocked to hear myself mutter "crazy kids" under my breath as I drove past the high school and saw a group of them hanging around a pimped out "teen-mobile" with a rapper with some alphabet name pounding from the speakers so loud that even Nani put her hands over her ears.

I choose my reading material based on how many pages I can read between loads of laundry, naps, and how many pictures are in the book. I read Woman's Day and Ladies Home Journal instead of Glamour and Cosmo.

I caught myself the other day holding something at arm's length so I could read the fine print.

I'm not getting carded as much any more.

I had the bagger at the grocery store call me "m'aam."

Instead of heading for an evening out around 9pm -- I'm in my jammies watching the news and having a hot cup of tea.

Now excuse me while I pull out my bifocals to peruse the latest AARP literature that I received in the mail!