Dear God - You Knew!

 

 

 

Dear God:

 

For most of my life, I've done it my way.  Believed all the bad things about myself.  And it's gotten me into some big messes -- messes that have come and gone.....and messes that I'm just now trying to dig out of.  Now, I think.....what if?

What if I had more faith in You back then?
What if I found a church to go to?

What if I talked through everything with You?

It didn't turn out that way, did it.  But, even back then.....You KNEW.

 

You KNEW I would come crawling back to You. 

 

You KNEW I would struggle -- try to be perfect so I could face You again. 

 

You KNEW that I desperately wanted to come home to You, but was afraid to -- because I believed I had to do everything "right" before I could even begin to think about You.

 

You KNEW that I was so afraid that You were mad at me, that You would turn me away, You would reject me, and that I just stopped trying.

 

You KNEW that I thought, "Why bother?" because You had so many other people worthy of Your love.

 

You KNEW that in my darkest moments of fear and worry -- over and over -- I would take those baby steps towards you....but then shy away again.

 

You KNEW that I would feel like an abused puppy -- so hesitant, so tentative -- wanting to trust You, but skittering away again, to hide.  But You remained.  You kept trying.  You slowly coaxed me out with blessings and acts that showed me -- proved to me -- that I could come to You and trust You.  You don't have to prove Yourself to ANYONE....but You KNEW that's what it would take to get me to start to come out from the dark.

You KNEW I needed others.  You began to surround me with believers.  Friends who would patiently listen to me as I poured out my struggles with faith.  Friends who would encourage and reinforce that You DO love me, You DO forgive me, You DO want me back.  Friends that convinced me that it's not about doing it the "right" way.

You surrounded me, enveloped me with music and songs that You KNEW would reach me deep in my soul because You KNEW that music was a way to get Your love and Your message through to me.

You used my daughters to continue to show me Your love - because You KNEW that I love them more than anything in this world and that if I could see their joy and passion for You just beginning in them, then I would soak You up as well.

 

 

 

You KNEW that I would eventually end up right here, right in this moment, writing these words to You.

 

You KNOW what my today holds.  You KNOW what my tomorrow will bring.  But the difference between me "then" and me "now" is that NOW I recognize that I have You with me, beside me, all around me.  Ready to offer grace, love and forgiveness.

Never again will I be that abused, broken puppy hesitating to come to You.  NOW I run to Your open arms, ready to jump in, to receive all that You have to give -- knowing that when I make a mistake, You will still be there.

 

ALWAYS

 

 

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10 Things That Make Me Happy

Over the summer, I recently stumbled across author, Marybeth Whalen's book, "She Makes It Look Easy" (review to come in a later post).  I found her on Facebook and immediately became a fan.  During the month of August, she challenged us on her page with a different question.  Yesterday's question was to write down 10 things that make me happy and why.  After thinking about it a bit, I thought this would be a good blog post for me to write  --  and ease back into blogging after a summer hiatus!

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1)  'Nuff said.  If you need an explanation, then you just need to leave my blog and go home.  (Just kidding!)

2)  Crafting

There's a lot of reasons that crafting makes me happy.  I love seeing something in it's beginning stages and then seeing the end result - knowing that I was the one who created it.  I love having that time, all to myself, when I'm in my own little world.  It's my time, my escape, my therapy.  Plus I just love giving away the stuff I've made!

3)  Starbucks

Yes, it's expensive and adds up.  And while I've cut back on my Starbucks addiction, there is just something about going through the drive-thru and picking up a cup of my favorite "crack in a cup" -- Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte with 3 pumps of white mocha.  (Try it sometime -- you'll LOVE it!)

4)  Military Spouses

Over the summer I've had the privilege of forming new friendships with some other military wives, as well as strengthening relationships with friendships already in place.  Whether it's just a message or two over Facebook or meeting for coffee or dinner and a movie, these relationships truly make me happy.  I know that God placed these women into my life at the times that He did for a reason.  I have much to learn from all of them and I am so blessed to have them in my life.  I want nothing more than to give them the same love and support and encouragement that they have given me.

5)  Zoja

My stupid, brain-damaged German Shepherd Zoja always gives me a reason to smile.  Whether she's chasing her tail in endless circles, laying on her back in the grass trying to chew her paws, or just laying on the couch next to me in a curled up ball - she always makes me laugh.  (Ok, except when she gets into the trash or pees on the floor when she thinks she's going to get yelled at.....)

6)  Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh is my home town.  I'm a Steel-town girl born and bred.  I love my city and I miss it terribly.  I miss driving through the neighborhoods and seeing Black 'n' Gold hung EVERYWHERE!  I miss Primanti's sandwiches.  I miss Friday nights at the Serbian club and big nights at the Bulgarian club.  I miss the Folk Festival.  (Again - a post for another time).  I miss Kennywood Park.  I miss the Pittsburgh skyline.  Unfortunately, we weren't able to make it back home this summer -- and it broke my heart.  But for the short time that we were planning it, my soul was just singing with the thought of going home again.

7)  Music

Any kind of music makes me happy.  I've recently been listening to a lot of worship music and have found that, at the right time, the right song comes on with a message that I need to hear the most.  I also love some good ole' 80's rock.  I'm a child of the 80's too, so you can still find the Scorpions, old Bon Jovi, Van Halen, Warrant, Def Leppard and many many more on my iPod.  I also love some good dance music, a lot of recent hard rock, country -- and, oh heck -- just about the only kind of music I DON'T like is rap.

8)  Books/Reading

Not only do I have an addiction to crafting and Starbucks.  I also have an addiction to reading.  I suppose it could be worse.  I have books everywhere in my home.  My girls always see me with a book or reading a magazine.  I love reading and I love to read to my girls.  I could spend hours browing the bookstore or the library, just building an even bigger list of books I want to read.  At this rate, I'll need two more lifetimes!

9)  Road Trips

I've always loved road trips.  We didn't take many as a child, but in college, I was on the road almost every weekend.  I love getting in the car and driving.  Better yet, I love being DRIVEN.  Then I can just pop in some good music, stare out the window and zone out.  It's hypnotic watching the scenery just whiz by you over and over again.  To me, it's a form a meditation....a way of getting deep into thought.....and a way of seeing God's beautiful creations. 

10)  Happiness

This may sound silly, but happiness makes me happy.  Seeing my girls smile and hearing them laugh.  Seeing My Marine happy.  Friends and family happy.  When they are happy, then I am happy.  And if I contributed, even a little, to that happiness then it makes me all the more happier.  Kind of makes me sound like a grinning village idiot, doesn't it?  But who cares.....it's my list, so deal with it..... 

So that's it.  There's certainly more to add to that list -- like snow days, Christmas, snuggling with My Marine, a good sale, and much, much more.  But these are the most important to me.

So, what's your 10?

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