2009 Christmas Letter

Christmas 2009

Dearest Family & Friends -

Another year gone and another Christmas letter to write! I hope our holiday greetings find everyone happy and healthy and ready for the upcoming holidays! With a sigh of relief, we can honestly say that 2009 was a fairly calm year for us.

Nani started her 2nd year of preschool in August. She loves every minute of it and has made many new friends. She also started ballet classes in September and now has inspirations of being the first Princess Ballerina. Only Nani could combine the best of both worlds – Disney Princesses and ballet! This year also marked Nani's 5th birthday. We still can’t believe that she’s 5! We celebrated with cupcakes for her class and an Anastasia-themed birthday party. And shhhhh – we’re planning a surprise trip to Disneyland in March as a belated birthday gift!

Nudgie is now 17 months old and is a walking, talking cyclone! She is my busy little bee – constantly on the go and always "talking" or singing. Her newest thing is trying to sing along with The Little Mermaid movie. It’s all well and adorable until she starts doing it at 3am! She is definitely our water baby and loves being in the pool or tub or just anywhere near water in general. My Marine and I joke that while Nani is our "girly girl", Nudgie will be the one to play roller derby or end up in a heavy metal band. Talk about two different personalities!

My Marine is doing very well and has been incredibly busy with work too. Throughout the year, he’s had various search & rescue missions, training schools and static displays. He was also a part of the whole "Balloon Boy" fiasco back in early October, as well as a recovery mission when an out-of-state Blackhawk crashed west of Denver. We also dodged a bullet when we thought that he would be part of a unit that would be deploying in May 2010. Fortunately, the planets were in alignment and for now, we’re safe from a 2010 deployment.

Life as a stay home mom is still a lot of fun. Between ballet and preschool, we’re also involved in our local MOPS chapter. This year I took on the role of Table Leader and now have 10 other wonderful ladies that I work with. It’s been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. Also, to give mommy some down-time, I’ve started a little eBay business online. I don’t have big goals for it – just enough to clear out the clutter and give me a little spending money for a Starbucks every once in awhile. I’ve also started writing again – and now have a blog called The Toy Box Years. It’s a great outlet for me and I really enjoy doing it! If you get the chance, come & visit at http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/

Our travels this year took us back to Pittsburgh for an almost month-long visit. While there, we took the girls to Kennywood Park for the first time and Nani had her first-ever roller coaster ride. We were also lucky enough to be in town for the Penguins Stanley Cup victory and celebrated in style down in the South Side! In the fall, we drove up to Portland to visit My Marine's mom, brother, sister-in-law and our new niece. One of the highlights was driving up to the beach where The Goonies was filmed.

Well, it’s time to finish the wrapping and baking! If you get the chance, drop us a line and let us know how everyone is doing! We wish you all the happiness in the world for a joyous holiday season and a happy, healthy 2010!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

My Marine, Jennifer, Nani, Nudgie, Mitzi & Zoja

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O' Christmas Tree.....

I love my Christmas tree! I love decorating it, the smell of it, and sitting in the family room with all the lights off -- except for the twinkling lights of the tree.

My Marine's family had a tradition of doing a different theme for their tree every year. When My Marine and I got married, we thought we'd carry on the tradition. Our first Christmas tree theme was blue & silver, the second tree was all music, and our third tree was all Santa Claus. But somehow we never made it past the Santa Claus theme. One - we were running out of storage room and two - we just LOVED the Santa theme. So we kept it.

The year My Marine was deployed in Iraq, I had to decorate the tree by myself. Nani was just a year old -- she wouldn't remember whether we had a tree or not, but I had to do it. That was the year the ornaments changed. Instead of Santa, I did a variety of ornaments. Ornaments that had meaning. And it stayed. So now the theme of our tree is family history.

As we put the ornaments on our tree, we remember what each ornament is for.

Our wedding ornament. It's always the first one we unwrap and put on the tree.


The angel has Nudge's name on it and the "Princess" ornament is for Nani


The Santa ball is one of the originals left over from the Santa themed tree


The little gold angel was given to Nani by my daddy right after she was born. It's special because her name is misspelled on it -- and we still laugh about it to this day.

This ball is a Russian ornament that we got from a little Russian store during our travels. The rest of the set are scattered throughout the tree.



I love this one! We bought this one right after My Marine returned from Iraq. He had said - "Wouldn't it be nice to have snow for Christmas?" -- especially after living in 100+ degree days for 18 months. From his mouth to God's ear -- it snowed every weekend between Thanksgiving and New Year's. We had a blizzard every weekend and when it was all said and done -- we had almost 5 feet of snow total!

There are so many more ornaments on our tree that have special meaning -- the ones that Nani handmade, a few that were handed down from My Marine's mom, the ones we bought as we traveled, and the German Shepherd ornament for our dogs.

And someday, I'll share each story with my girls as I hand the ornaments down to them and hope that they, too, will remember the stories and share them with their families someday.

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I've Cried A Lot.....

The last ten days I've cried.....a lot.....for a lot of reasons.

Ten days ago, My Marine came home and told me that he would be deploying to Iraq in May -- and I cried.

My beloved German Shepherd, Mitzi, has been really sick. She'll be 15 next month and was my first dog -- and my first baby. I'm worried that her time is near, and while I tell her that it's ok for her to go -- I'm not ready for her to go -- and I've cried.

My beautiful baby girls have done such adorable things -- like holding hands and attempting to sing Christmas carols (at least as much as a 5 year old and a 16-month old can....) -- and I've cried.

I've peeked in on them in the middle of the night -- watching them sleep and hearing their little baby breathing, so peaceful and so innocent -- and I've cried.

My first-born baby girl turned 5. I remembered the day she was born like it was yesterday. She was a true gift from God. As I remember her past five years and what a blessing she is to me -- I've cried.

I became so overwhelmed by our friends' generosity and love for Nani - which was made evident during her birthday party -- and I've cried.

I turned 40 -- and I've cried. (Enough said about that!)

I had a fight with My Marine -- over stupid stuff like laundry and the fact that my eBay stuff is taking over the house. I immediately became defensive -- and I've cried.

My Marine called me from work to tell me that now he is NOT deploying in May and that they've moved him out of that unit -- AND I'VE CRIED!!!

Big things, little things, happy things, sad things, worry, praise.....I've cried through it all. It's amazing how a good cry can make you feel so much better afterwards!

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Deployment In Our Future....Here We Go Again!

This past week, I've been in a whirlwind of emotions. I've totally shut down. I wasn't ready to share this. I wanted to take my girls and withdraw from the world. Putting myself in my own little cocoon -- wanting the reality to go away.

I should be used to this, I tell myself.

I should know better than to get upset over something that may or may not happen just yet, I tell myself.

I knew it was coming....but not this soon.

Yes - the "D" word -- deployment.

I recently found out that there is a deployment looming in our future - in May.

My Marine has drill this weekend. And this weekend, the next year of our lives is held in the balance. The next year of our lives is in the hands of a group of commanding officers and NCOs. I feel like a puppet on a string -- and I'm angry.

I'm angry and sad.

I knew this was coming -- but I was preparing for much later in the year. Not so soon. Not so fast. And the person that I am, my mind goes into immediate overdrive as I mentally start to prepare. All the things that I have to do.

I know I can do this. I did it before -- for 18 months. This time is different. I now have two babies - one who is now old enough to understand that daddy will be going away for a long time.

I'm sad.

I realized this morning that this might be our last Christmas together as a family for a whole year. I thought about how much My Marine will miss -- again. Nani's first day of kindergarten, her 6th birthday, Nudge's 2nd birthday, ballet recitals, picnics....and so much more.

I thought about another 12 months of dreading the doorbell ringing, of watching the news, holding my breath. Another 12 months of long, lonely weekends, of sleeping alone, of not having a good night's sleep because every creak and groan in the house keeps me awake. Another 12 months of feeling resentful because my friends' husbands are still here -- and mine isn't. Another 12 months of worrying -- will they be there for me if I need them? Another 12 months of wondering....what if? And another 12 months of hiding my tears from my daughters because I need to be strong for them.

By the end of this weekend, we'll know. And all my worrying and crying could be for nothing. But the pit in my stomach is preparing me for the news.

And once again, I'll march on...because there's nothing else that I can do. I'll do it because my girls will depend on me. I'll do it because My Marine will depend on me. I'll start saving boxes and Pringles cans for care packages. I'll start taking lots of pictures and videos.

We'll dust off our Nemo and start our bedtime ritual again. (Before My Marine's first deployment, we bought Nani a stuffed Nemo. Once he left, Nani & I would have a bedtime ritual where we would kiss Nemo goodnight and then Nemo would "swim" all the way to daddy to bring him her kisses. Then he would "swim" all the way back to bring her his kisses when she would wake up in the morning.)

And as always -- we will stand behind him. Supporting him all the way. Loving him all the way. Praying for him all the way.

So, if you're a praying person -- I just ask that over the next day or so, to please say a little prayer that the powers that be make the right decisions and that I have the strength and peace to accept that decision -- knowing that God is putting My Marine where He knows he will be needed the most.

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Resuming Life & Black Friday Madness

It's been a great holiday weekend here in the Toy Box Household!

My Marine came home late Tuesday night after a slight flight delay! Grrr!! But he made it home and into the waiting arms of his excited wife and daughters. There was nothing I loved more than hearing Nani shout "Daddy!" and run into his open arms. I know he loved it too! That night, Nani talked non-stop! To her, 6 weeks is like 6 years! She started telling him about things that happened months ago -- while he was still home. My Marine was so incredibly patient with her....listening to every single story all over again....and again....and again!

Thanksgiving Day dawned bright and warm. It was in the 60s here....a great day to go outside and play while the turkey cooked. Ever since My Marine returned from Iraq - we cherish our holidays as a family. We never travel and we never invite family to visit. It's our time as a family. It may sound a little selfish to some people -- but both of us grew up with large family holidays, and it's kinda like - "Been there, done that..." We like having our own traditions and our own way of doing things. One thing we do on Thanksgiving is eat early -- anywhere between 1-2pm. The rest of the day is spent napping, watching Christmas specials, parades and football while grazing on the leftovers. I love it! When most people are sitting down to dinner, my dishes are put away and I'm in comfy clothes ready for round #2!

On Friday, we avoided all the shopping frenzy. I completely understand the thrill of getting a great deal -- but I'm not crazy enough to stand outside in the cold just to get into a store at 3am to buy $3 pajamas.

Is it me - or has society totally gone commercial? What happened to remembering what Thanksgiving was all about. It seems that it's become an afterthought -- Black Friday Eve I heard someone say. How sad is that? Families are losing jobs, homes, and can barely put food on the table and others are running up more personal debt by walking out of the store with multiple flat-screens and vacuum cleaners.

I've seen first-hand what this madness can do. As a compulsive shopper, I live it every day. That's part of the reason I avoid going out on Black Friday.....it's too much temptation. To easy to spend money that I don't have.

I'm trying to teach my daughters to be grateful and to give to others. Starting in January, every month I purchase a toy and put it aside. At the end of the year, we gather up all those toys and donate them to Toys for Tots. So, instead of shopping on Friday, we gathered up our toys and went to the local Toys for Tots drop-off. As we put the toys in the bin, we explained to Nani what we were doing and why we were doing it. As much as a 4.5 year old can understand, she was very happy to be able to give a toy to "another little girl who didn't have any toys."

And THAT my friends, is what it's all about......

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He's Coming Home!!!!!

Tonight! Tonight! He's coming home tonight!!

I'm dancing around my house like the dad from "A Christmas Story" waiting for his "major award" to be delivered!

My little mini-deployment trial run is ending. I guess I did ok. The kids and the dogs are still alive -- and no worse for the wear!

I talked to My Marine last night and he couldn't pack fast enough. He has some last minute paperwork this morning and then "graduation" and then he's off to the airport! Woo Hoo!

I've spent the last few days getting ready for his return..........

I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. (This served two purposes -- cleaning for his return and cleaning in anticipation of the holiday and putting up the Xmas decorations this weekend!)

The bathroom is scrubbed and cleaned and fresh towels (that aren't the size of a postage stamp) are waiting for him.

Our master bedroom has been cleared of the clothing piles that I've been picking from for the past 6 weeks. New, fresh, clean sheets have been put on the bed. The comforter has been replaced and is now free of dog hair - thanks to my cuddly Zoja who has taken over My Marine's side of the bed. (She's in a world of hurt tonight!)

I cleaned up all the dog poop from the back yard. (This is a big deal for me since I actually HIRED a dog pooper scooper to clean up the backyard while Marc was deployed!)

I stocked his garage fridge with his favorite beers. I cleaned said garage from all the clutter that I let gather during the past 6 weeks. (It's so much easier just to dump it all in the garage and deal with it later.....)

I shuffled some movies around on my Netflix queue so that the new Star Trek movie would be here waiting for him to watch.

I've grocery shopped and stocked up on his favorite snacks.

I've spent the past two days exfoliating, shaving, buffing, powdering and puffing. I bought some new makeup. And I'm still frustrated that I can't decided on the "perfect" outfit to wear to the airport. (I know that it doesn't matter, but it slightly matters to me...a bit....)

I'm looking forward to a holiday weekend of snuggling for sure!

And just so you know -- my blog for the next day or so is going to be CENSORED!! LOL!!!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

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37 Days of Kindness

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today. I had a couple of ideas, but as I was sipping my morning coffee, browsing through my blog reader, I came upon this post by Lysa TerKeurst.

I came to Lysa's blog through the Proverbs 31 Ministries. I get a daily devotion emailed to me every morning. I love reading them. I may not have a lot of time to devote to prayer and meditation, but I can take 15 minutes to read the devotion and reflect on it's message for the day.

Anyway - Lysa's post today talks about how sometimes every day life gets in the way of focusing on what really matters. We may be cranky, lose our tempers, have a pity party for ourselves. And believe me, I've been feeling that a lot these past few weeks.

These past 6 weeks without My Marine have been unusually hard. I've been sick multiple times, the girls have been sick, Nudgie is going through her clingy phase, I've had family visit -- and have clashed with said family many times, I'm dealing with financial stresses & worries. I didn't want to do anything. It was a major feat for me to get up and shower in the morning. I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to play with the kids. I just wanted to sit and feel sorry for myself. I was seriously on the verge of going through one of my "blue moods".

When I read Lysa's post this morning, I realized that over the past few days I may have been short with a lot of people and may have unintentionally hurt some feelings. Lysa is challenging us to turn that around.

There are 37 days left until Christmas -- the best birthday of all -- the birth of our Savior. What better gift to give our Lord than the gift of touching someone with Jesus' love?

1 Corinthians 15: 58"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."


For the next 37 days, in the midst of your own worries & stresses, take a moment to touch someone with a kind word, a thought, a prayer, some of your time, or a small gift. Next time you feel like being impatient with the checkout person, stop and remember to say Thank You or Have a Nice Day and mean it. When you see another mom struggling with her child, give a small smile and a "I understand!" It might mean the world to her. Not only might you brighten someone's day, but it might make you feel pretty good too!

I went to Lysa's blog and signed up for the challenge. How about you? Anyone else want to do this with me? Hop on over to Lysa's blog . and leave a comment to join the challenge too!

Together we can bring God's love into someone else's life!

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Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
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I did not go on a whirlwind shopping binge at the book store and various craft stores. I did not, the next day, have immediate shopper's guilt and take everything back to the stores.

I did not spend the entire weekend in my pajamas. I did not allow my girls to stay in their pajamas either. I always make sure that I am showered and dressed and that my girls are always bathed and dressed as well.

I have not been texting My Marine every morning with a countdown of the days until he's home. (8 days and counting!!)

I did not work on our Christmas Card list this past weekend and print up color-coordinated labels. I did not realize that our Christmas Card list has now reached 200 and is still growing!

I am not already starting another Not Me! Monday post for next week!

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Signs That I'm Getting Old(er)

I had a rare moment of peace & quiet yesterday where I chose NOT to fill it with laundry, dishes or vacuuming dog hair. I treated myself to watching a rerun of Supernanny on The Style Channel.

During one of the commercial breaks they were asking people on the street for their opinion on a product. I missed what the product was initially, but I heard people saying - yum, chocolate! or Yum, it tastes like honey graham crackers. My ears perked up -- what could be so delicious that it had people on the street proclaiming platitudes of yumminess?!

Turns out -- it was body powder.

Yes -- you read that right. Body powder.

My first thought? Not - how cool is that!! I really should order that! But - why?? Why would anyone want this stuff?

Some manufacturer out there thought they hit a goldmine by creating this product. A shimmery powder meant to entice and sexify your relationship. A shimmery powder meant to make your skin sparkle like a powdered donut under the flourescent lights of the grocery store bakery. I think they missed the mark with their target audience by airing the commercial in the middle of the afternoon -- during school hours....when no one is watching except retired schoolteachers and stay home moms that know that the last thing they used with the word "powder" in it was either baby powder or baby formula.

(Remember, I'm the same woman who in a fit of a chocolate craving ate the edible "love chocolate" that she was saving for a "special evening" with her Marine!)

This company thought it would be wonderful for women to cover themselves with a shimmery powder so they could walk around smelling like a giant graham cracker waiting to be dunked in some warm milk. The only thing I want to be dunked into is a hot bath at the end of the day.

(Sign #1 that I'm getting older.....)

That's when it hit me. I'm no longer young. I am now in that age-bracket of surveys which put you in the 35-40 range. I am a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday and I'm mourning the fact that I only have a year left in that survey age bracket before I get bumped up to the AARP bracket.

I'm not young any more......

After I had Nudgie, I discovered that I had grey hairs sprouting up. I tried to convince myself that my blond was coming through. I haven't been blonde since I was 18. And I should mention that I'm a natural brunette.

I walked by Victoria's Secret at the mall a few weeks ago and laughed at the lingerie in the window. Thinking, who on earth would wear that lacy negligee that looked like it would fall apart if you sneezed? Yep, I can see myself wearing this as I dash across the hall at 2am when I hear one of my children wailing either from teething pain or a nightmare.

My lingerie drawer is full of nursing pajamas, fuzzy flannel pants, tshirts my husband won't wear any more, panties from Target, and bras made of material that the military uses for parachutes because it's so sturdy.

I was shocked to hear myself mutter "crazy kids" under my breath as I drove past the high school and saw a group of them hanging around a pimped out "teen-mobile" with a rapper with some alphabet name pounding from the speakers so loud that even Nani put her hands over her ears.

I choose my reading material based on how many pages I can read between loads of laundry, naps, and how many pictures are in the book. I read Woman's Day and Ladies Home Journal instead of Glamour and Cosmo.

I caught myself the other day holding something at arm's length so I could read the fine print.

I'm not getting carded as much any more.

I had the bagger at the grocery store call me "m'aam."

Instead of heading for an evening out around 9pm -- I'm in my jammies watching the news and having a hot cup of tea.

Now excuse me while I pull out my bifocals to peruse the latest AARP literature that I received in the mail!

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My Beautiful Babies......

On Monday I had the girls' Christmas pictures taken. For Nani, it was also time for her yearly birthday picture as well -- since my baby will be 5 in just a few short weeks! But that's a post for another day!

What is it about getting pictures taken that makes me so stressed out? It's praying that the girls stay clean in their dresses. It's praying that hairbows and headbands cooperate. It's hoping that there won't be any major meltdowns and that all parties happily cooperate. It's thinking that the pictures will turn out like this....

That morning I prayed for just ONE good picture. God must have been feeling generous, because I not only got one good picture. I got FOUR!

Two perfect pictures for Christmas cards!

My big girl's 5th birthday picture

And my absolutely, all-time, favorite picture!!

I guess I got all stressed out for nothing! (A little extra kudos goes out to all professional photographers who can take a cranky, crying, unsmiling child and turn her into a supermodel!)

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At My Wit's End....

I'm at my wit's end and I don't know how many times I can bang my head against the wall before a solution presents itself.

I realize that our children are different - each has their own gifts, talents, personalities, and quirks that make you wonder if your child really needs to see a psychiatrist. I love my girls -- I honestly & truly do. I love being their mommy. But I swear to all that is high & holy that I'm ready to sell Nudgie to the gypsies.

I hate to admit it - but my daughter has become THAT child.

You know the one. The one who cries constantly. The one who cries because her bottle is empty, her diaper is full, her cookie is gone or the dog ate her bagel. The one who cries because the sun is up and she has to get dressed. The one who cries because the sun went down and it's time to go to bed. The one who cries because mommy went to the bathroom to pee or went to reheat a cup of coffee. The one who cries because mommy just isn't around -- period.

You get my drift?

Yesterday was the final straw that sent me over the edge and straight to Hobby Lobby for some retail therapy. I had MOPS yesterday. As a table leader, I have a lot of responsibilities and depend on my children to behave in daycare so that I can focus on the ladies at my table. Nani is no problem. I could drop her off in the middle of the city and she'd find a friend and be happy.

Nudgie -- not so much.

She cried from the moment I dropped her off until they paged me to pick her up 20 minutes later. She fussed during the entire first half of the meeting. Pick me up, put me down. Feed me, don't feed me. Let me play with your bag, don't let me play with your bag. Thank God that my mom was there to take her out into the lobby and keep her occupied.

It's been like this for about a month or two now. I think it's gotten worse since My Marine has been gone. Nudgie has been very clingy and very cranky.

EVERY - SINGLE - DAY

She rejects everyone except me. She's ok with my mom - until she sees me. She won't go to MOPS daycare. She won't go to a sitter (unless I sneak out while she's not looking). I only hope and pray that she won't reject My Marine when he finally does come home.

I don't know how to handle this. Nani was never like this. She was never clingy. She was never this tempermental.

I keep telling myself that it's a phase....it'll pass. But for how long?

In the meantime, I just keep praying for patience.

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Halloween

I really don't like Halloween. I'm not sure why. I'll put up a few decorations in the house and outside, but we don't go overboard with the decorating.

But I do like the all the candy afterwards. Go figure!

But I just wanted to share some pictures of the girls from Halloween.

In the morning, we went to Boo at the Zoo in the morning. It was our first time going and I have to say, aside from the parking debacle and crowds of cranky parents kids, it was a lot of fun. Nani had a really good time and both girls were exhausted by the time we got home!

After naps and an early dinner, we headed out to a few houses in our neighborhood. We don't get a lot of houses giving out candy, which is sad....but both girls still really made out like bandits!

But, shhhhh......don't tell the girls that I have a bag of Milky Ways hidden in my kitchen cabinet!!

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19 Days and Counting......

My Marine comes home in 19 days and no one is more ready than I am. I miss him terribly. The girls miss him terribly. Even our DOGS miss him terribly!

I've survived though. I've survived an 18-month deployment and other short separations, so 6 weeks really should be like spitting in the ocean. But for some reason, this time was harder and I'm not sure why. Our trials and tribulations have been extremely minor (so far) and while we've had our ups and downs since he's been gone - and we've gotten through it.

Two days after he left, both girls got sick. Shortly after that, I got sick. We've made 5 doctor visits, 4 pharmacy visits, and 1 ER visit during that time.

My kitchen sink faucet started with a slow drip and then graduated to a full-blown leak (which I fixed)

My garage door began it's seasonal fit where it decides to either stick halfway in the cold weather or either not open or close altogether. (My dad gave me some suggestions for that...still working on it)

We had 15-inches (accidentally wrote feet this morning before I had my coffee!) of snow over a 24-hour period which required me to pull both of our vehicles into our garage (which is small) and is something I've never done before. (I did it and both cars survived without a scratch).

After said snowfall, I shoveled our driveway the old-fashioned way and then decided that I was going to ask My Marine for a snowblower for Christmas. (I will NEVER shovel that much snow ever again!)

I survived taking our Jeep in to have a new radio installed after a CD got stuck and could not be removed, no matter how much I tried to "persuade" it.

As a "single mom", I took both girls Trick-or-Treating at the zoo and around our neighborhood and took Nani to her ballet recital - both times taking LOTS of pictures for daddy.

I was so blessed to have two very good friends bring me & the girls a meal while I was sick. I am still praising God for those dear friends!

And I still have 19 days to go!

But in spite of those little things that we call "life happens" -- I'm still not sleeping. Usually when My Marine goes away, it takes me a couple days to get comfortable with the fact that I'm sleeping alone in the house. But this time, for whatever reason, I'm up -- all the time.....all night. Catching maybe an hour or two of sleep in between my bouts of nightly insomnia. I've tried the hot bath, warm milk, herbal tea, soft music....but nothing is working. And I'm running on fumes....

Nothing short of having My Marine home and snoring next to me again may get me to sleep at least 4 straight hours!!

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Out of Sync and The Older Generation

My mom is visiting. She's been here sinc mid-October. Now, I must preface this whole post with the fact that I love my mom and I love when she visits. It's nice having an extra pair of hands to help with the girls and I love that she gets to spend some time with them. But.....my mom and I clash.

Since she's been here, my schedule and routine is all out of whack. I have my routine. I like things in order. I don't like change - even for a short period of time. My mom is staying on the pull-out couch in our family room -- which is the heart of our home. When she's not here, I get up in the morning, have my coffee and have my early morning "me" time -- usually a prayer then computer time. I've had to relocate my laptop to my bedroom, so my morning "me" time has now been replaced with morning sleepy time. I've been lazy.....why get out of a nice warm bed? So my computer and devotion time has suffered....which sometimes isn't bad. But I haven't been in touch with friends, I haven't been devoting time to my eBay store (no new listings = no sales = no money for Christmas), and I haven't been blogging.

But this week, I've forced myself to adapt my routine. Hey - I'm a military wife -- overcome and adapt is our motto! The sickies are gone, I've been feeling better, and I was actually feeling very anxious about being so out of sync. So I pulled out my calendar and to-do list and got to work. So -- here I am.

Part of my getting back into sync included doing some laundry and cleaning up my kitchen and living room which had been sorely neglected thanks to illness (mine & the girls') and visiting parents. I should have known that my version of cleaning versus my mother's version of cleaning is gigantically different.

My mother comes from a generation where you clean & do laundry every day. Everything is in it's place and your house should maintain a museum-like quality. Her generation vacuumed every day and hand-picked lint off the carpet. I'm lucky I vacuum once a week (maybe twice if the dogs are shedding) and the only lint I'm handpicking is the stuff that Nudgie puts in her mouth. Her generation washed walls.....I paint over them or hang more of Nani's artwork. Her generation made sure our toys were put back into their proper places.......I leave them go for a day or two, kicking aside a path through the house.

Leaving laundry in the basket irritates my mom. I can leave the laundry so I can sit on the floor and color with my daughters. My mom will ask - can I fold that for you? I think it's her subtle way of saying - you know, your house is a mess, let me help you clean it up. And I'll tell her no -- I didn't ask you to fly thousands of miles so that you can fold my laundry....play with your granddaughters. Which is my subtle way of saying - leave me alone, I'll have plenty of time to clean when they are in school full-time.

Now, I will admit that there are times when I am a complete slob -- usually when My Marine is out of town. I'll let things go for days on end because I just don't want to be bothered. But I eventually get with it and put my house back in order. But I'm not going to devote hours on end to cleaning and scrubbing and folding when I could be devoting those same hours to my girls.

Again - I love my mom. She raised us with what she knew. But I can't recall a time when laundry would sit so she would color with me or play a game. I can't recall a time when the vacuum would sit so we could take a walk or go to the playground. During one visit, I was doing a craft with Nani and my mom made the comment that she never did that stuff with me & my brother. I agreed - but in her defense, she didn't have a lot of the resources that we as moms have today. Again - she raised us with what she knew.

I just wish she knew to relax and know that it's ok to let the house go -- for just a little while......

And I guess that I could learn too that it's ok to put a little extra effort into your home.....

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The House of Sickness.......

I'm finally coming from our fog of sickness to say hello and that we are finally getting well.

After almost two weeks of sickness, we are finally starting to smile again. It's been hell on earth here. It never fails. My Marine leaves and there is some form of sickness in the house. This time it hit all three of us.

What started as a cold for me turned into the full-blown flu. The girls, thankfully, just stayed with the colds - but they were stubborn suckers. Holding on for almost two weeks.

What made the whole thing so frustrating and exhausting was the fact that mommy's don't get sick. They're not supposed to get sick. And no matter how bad I was feeling, I had to focus all my energy on my babies. They needed me more.

I'd spend hours holding one while the other was wrapped in a blanket snuggled at my feet on the couch. I'd alternate nights - sitting up with one, nursing a fever and the never-ending cough - only to switch to the other one the next night.

I'm amazed that my body hasn't totally given out on me yet. But I hold on, because I have to. Because my babies needed me.

But over the weekend, the sun started to shine. The fevers had broken, the coughs were getting softer and fewer, and the girls were sleeping through the night.

We still have a ways to go yet before we're all completely healed......but I'll just take a quiet naptime just so I can catch up on sleep now too.

It sucks to be sick......

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Things You Don't Expect To Hear At The Doctor's Office....

So, I've missed a week of blogging thanks to the sickies that have invaded the Toy Box Household. It never fails....My Marine goes away and we all get sick. It's like clockwork.

First I started with the cough & sniffles....then Nudgie...and not to be left out, Nani hopped on board outdoing us all with a fever. Thankfully, I'm happy to announce though that we've all tested negative for H1N1! Just your common cold that just doesn't understand that he's definitely worn out his welcome!

So, anyway....

Let me say that my doctor's office is very respectable....in a good part of town....has no criminal ties whatsoever.......or so I thought........

I'm sitting in the doctor's office with Nudgie waiting for our appointment (the third in a week). It's quiet and there's only one other patient in the waiting room besides me & Nudge. She proceeds to take out her cell phone, make a call, and have the following conversation (which I have paraphrased some):

"So, yeah.....I checked in and they are arresting him on a federal warrant"

Pause

"Well, it's a federal charge now because there were guns involved"

Pause

"I don't think so....but they did find one gun in the house when they arrested him."

Pause

"Well, I think they found the gun that may have the body attached to it."

(Now, I'm no CSI, but I know enough to know that whatever gun they found may be linked to a murder or attempted murder. I'm now moving closer to Nudgie and to the door of the doctor's office.....)

"I don't know what they're going to do because they're not telling me anything and they won't let me talk to him."

Pause

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm going to have to change my status on Facebook to single"

(At that point, the nurse called her back. While she continued to talk, I was tempted to follow her with the ruse of going to the bathroom so I could continue to hear this conversation!)

If you could have seen the look on my face after overhearing this conversation. I looked up and the nurse at the desk had the same dumbfounded look as I did. The other nurse leaned out the window and whispered...."She has a thing for bad boys".

Uh....ya think???? Makes me kinda curious now to check out her Facebook page!

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Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT allow my 15-month old to play with chopsticks in PF Changs just to keep her quiet so that I could have a few minutes to gulp eat my lunch in peace.

The next morning, I did NOT panic and think that Nudgie had worms when I changed her diaper and saw stringy things in her diaper. I did NOT remember that she ate all the bamboo shoots from my lunch at PF Changs the day before -- therefore turning them into a quasi-worm filled diaper.

I did NOT suppress my laughter when I heard Nani declare that she was "going to the doctor to get a baby like mommy did". She has NOT been dragging around a ratty toy dog and calling it her "baby".

I was NOT incredibly disappointed that I had to miss a dear friend's Pampered Chef launch on Saturday due to two little girls having the sniffles and slight fevers. Nani did NOT milk that one for all it was worth.

I did NOT have an anxiety attack in the middle of Safeway when it hit me that my mother was coming for a visit and that I really needed to get home and get my house in order. I'm really still NOT that little girl who desperately seeks her mother's approval.

I did NOT cry my eyes out when I had to take My Marine to the airport. It did NOT break my heart to hear Nani say to My Marine, I'll miss you daddy and pray for you every night. And afterwards, I did NOT look like a dermatological nightmare with swollen eyes and red splotches all over my face and neck. I am ALWAYS the model wife - composing myself and holding in my emotions when it comes to saying goodbye to My Marine.

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Nani's To Do List

Ok, so my whole family knows that I am a compulsive list maker. I have lists that refer me to lists. I have a list for everything.....groceries, daily tasks, weekly tasks, monthly tasks, craft projects, books to read, blogs to write.....and the list (no pun intended) goes on.

And then I thought.....what if Nani had a to-do list? What would a 4-year old Disney-princess loving, preschool-going, ballet-dancing little girl possibly have on her list? I think, like mommy, she would have a couple of lists....one for mommy and one for daddy......and maybe even one for Nudgie.

But for fun, I think I'll start with Daddy's list.......

Nani's To-Do List for a day with Daddy....

Scam daddy into feeding me chocolate cake for breakfast and then tell mommy that it was Zoja's idea.

Reassure daddy that I really do like to wear matching socks and coordinated clothes.

Teach daddy how to finally do my hair the way mommy does and show him that combing my hair does not involve scissors and the use of words that I'm never supposed to say.

Show daddy the channels for Sproutlets and Disney so that I don't have to watch the Military Channel ever again.


Tell daddy that teaching me the ABCs does not include learning to spell the entire starting lineup for the Pittsburgh Penguins. (Stupid Russian names....what 4-yr. old knows how to spell Fedotenko & Evgeni??)

Apologize to daddy for calling one of his favorite players Satan, when his real name is pronounced Sha-tan


Tell daddy that when I ask him to play with me & my Legos, that I really don't need to have a full-scale reproduction of a Blackhawk helicopter....a simple little house for my dolls will do just fine.


Show daddy that I finally learned to "Rock On"

Let daddy know where my favorite books are so that I don't get another bedtime story from the Army Times newspaper. (Once upon a time there was a soldier.....)

Apologize to God when Daddy asks me to pray for free happy hour after work.


Give daddy the biggest hug ever and tell him that he's still my favoritest daddy ever!

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Crabbiness & Wordless Wednesday.....

I'm in a crabby mood today - which bothers me because it's my 15th wedding anniversary - and I should be happy...deliriously happy, right? Yep - 15 years ago today I married My Marine for better or worse. But, for the rest of that story, you'll have to come back tomorrow when I actually will post some wedding photos!

Anyway, my crabbiness is partly of my own making and partly thanks to some idiots who are gracing this planet with their annoying presence. Today I saw:

• At the library, a mother who was talking on the phone oblivious to her child running through the very busy parking lot. When horns were beeped, warning her that her child was in extreme danger, she looked up, flipped off the concerned driver, and kept talking on the phone....not grabbing her child.


• At the park, while patiently waiting for a swing for Nudgie, I politely asked if they were going to be much longer so I could either wait or find something else for Nudgie to play on and was told...."We're having a private conversation here and you'll just have to wait." It took a lot of restraint NOT to strangle her with her little designer scarf right then and there.


• In Target, I witnessed the tantrum of all tantrums -- thankfully it wasn't my girls for once. My heart went out to the mom until I heard for the 15th time -- Mommy said stop that or we're going to leave. Mommy said no or we're going to leave. Mommy said no screaming or we're going to leave. After 15 minutes of "Mommy said", I was ready to take both Mommy & child and escort them to the door. Please mommy - if you're going to try to scare your child with idle threats, guess what -- they'll keep going. They know you're not going to follow through.

I could go on and on, but in the true spirit of Wordless Wednesday, I'm going to shut up now and show you some priceless pictures of my girls.......

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Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's been awhile since I participated in a Not Me! Monday! I have to admit that I have missed it! I really haven't been keeping track this week, but I do have two Not Me's! that I will share for all to read!

This past Friday, My Marine, drove 5 hours to meet his best friend who was visiting our beautiful state. He was going to be spending the night and then drive back home the next morning. I was thoroughly excited about having the remote an evening to myself. I chose my movie, put on comfy jammies, made some popcorn and curled up under a blanket to watch a movie. I guess I was really involved in the movie...so involved that I didn't realize that I really made a mess of the popcorn. So, after the movie, I go up to bed and start to do my bedtime routine. As I'm preparing for bed, I feel a lump through my bra. I DID NOT immediately panic....thinking the worst. I DID NOT feel like a fool when I took off my jammie top and bra, and watched as half a bowl of popcorn fell out. I DID NOT still do a quick self-check.....and realize that the "lump" I felt was indeed half the bowl of popcorn that had dropped down my shirt. I DID NOT say a quick prayer of thanks and then decide that I needed to take a lesson from 14-month old Nudgie who is learning to feed herself -- SLOW DOWN!

My 2nd Not Me! happened last week after I met a friend for coffee. We left the Starbucks with only a few minutes to head over to pick up Nani at preschool. To save time, I DID NOT strap Nudgie into Nani's car seat, which is right behind the driver's seat. As we're driving along and I DID NOT look into the rear view mirror to talk to Nudgie - only to see that she's not in her car seat. I DID NOT slam on the brakes - nearly causing a 3-car pile up behind me - and go into panic mode because my first thought is that I left my baby at Starbucks! Then, I DID NOT hear Nudgie's sweet giggle and baby babble from behind my seat and THEN remember that I switched car seats. I DID NOT feel like the worst mom ever!

I AM NOT looking forward to a new week ahead!

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Wordless Wednesday

Ok, so I've been MIA for awhile -- but for good reason! I'm an aunt!! Just call me Aunt Jenny! My brother-in-law and his wife welcomed their first baby -- my niece -- in mid-September. I've been out of town visiting them and loving on my new baby niece!


I've forgotten how small and fragile little babies are -- especially compared to my honkin' butterball Nudgie! But, I think this picture perfectly shows the fragility of a new baby's life!




Ok, so I know it's supposed to be Wordless Wednesday, but I just had to share a little bit of a backstory here. My Marine and I are shopping for a new camera. Something a little more "fancy" than the little digital camera (or battle-cam) as we call it. My Marine was able to borrow a Canon from a guy in his unit. He's been incredibly generous about allowing us to test-drive his camera. Needless to say, we've been having a ball taking pictures. In the month that we've had the camera, we've taken over 2000+ pictures! (Including the one above!)


And I'll definitely be sharing more!


Don't forget to enter my MyBlogSpark giveaway for a Nature Valley Nut Clusters Snack Pack! Giveaway ends on 10/14!!

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Perfect Mommy - Part II

You know - I have to thank all of you for your responses to my post about caring what others think. I know we're all in the same boat sometimes and it's so nice to be validated - to know that I'm not the only one that thinks this way. You try to tell yourself that it doesn't matter, that you have more important things to worry about...but honestly, in the end, you sometimes still feel like that awkward teenager in high school - worrying that you'll have friends or that you'll fit in.

I had a perfect mommy moment the other day.....and I was not the perfect mommy -- or was I?

The other morning, we were running late to preschool. I didn't have time to shower, let alone get dressed. My hair was pulled up into a twist, I had the bare minimum of makeup on, and I think there was cereal on my yoga pants. I always tell myself -- I may look like hell when I leave the house sometimes, but I ALWAYS make sure my kids look like a million bucks.

So, there I am - schlepping my 13-month old, my 4-yr. old year, her backpack & lunch box (because she felt the need to give all this to me so she could pick some weeds (er, dandelions) for her teacher) - when I run into Perfect Mommy. You know the one - hair washed & blown out, jeans that fit perfectly, cute little top that doesn't accentuate saggy boobs, perfect makeup, and cute little sunglasses used as a headband. She smiles at me with that smile that says, I acknowledge your presence, but please don't talk to me.

I schlepp (um, walk) past her and softly say "Good Morning" hoping she doesn't hear me when she says good morning back and THEN.....THEN has the nerve to say -- "Running a little late this morning?" while giving me that up & down once over look. (OK, so we were -- but gee, do you have to throw it in my face?) I wanted to die. I wanted to run home, shower, and start the morning all over again. But then Nani came up to me with a handful of dandelions and said, here mommy, these are for you. I took them with a big smile. Perfect Mommy's little girl tried to pick some flowers too and Perfect Mommy screeched out - don't touch those! They're covered in chemicals and pesticides and probably have bugs on them! I watched her little girl's face fall, and my heart broke for her. I then watched Nudgie shove one into her mouth.

I laughed. I laughed so hard that I had to drop everything (except Nudgie of course). I held Nudgie tighter and watched as she examined that dandelion as if it was gold. At that moment, Nani came up to me with her hands full of baby pine cones. I looked over at Perfect Mommy - who's child was standing there looking like a clothing store mannequin....you could see the longing in her eyes, that she wanted to play too - but was told no because she would dirty her outfit, that pine cones were dirty, and dandelions were full of pesticides.

Here mommy, I found more treasure for you. Yes Nani - you did find some treasure for me. But they weren't tangible treasures. Your treasure showed me that I may not be perfect - I may not look all put together - but I allow you to play, explore and express yourself. The treasure I discovered is Nudgie's wonder at a dandelion and Nani's pride at being able to make her mommy smile with just a handful of pine cones.

I'll take Schleppy Mommy over Perfect Mommy every time....

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Mommy's Time Out

Well hello everyone! Remember me? I know it's been awhile since I've been here or even reading some of my favorite blogs. And I do apologize for not keeping up with everyone....but I've been in Time Out.

Since my last post, I did some really deep thinking (ok, maybe not so deep, but some thinking nonetheless) and decided to put myself into a self-imposed computer time-out. I found that I was spending way too much time on the computer and not enough time with my girls and my husband. It really hit me when I caught Nani sitting in her room with one of my coffee mugs and her Little Einsteins laptop. I thought - "how cute - she's learning with the Little Einsteins!" I came in and sat next to her and asked her if I could play too. She looked at me with all the seriousness in the world and said - "Not now mommy - I'm checking my email...." and took a sip of water from her coffee mug.

Stab to the heart.......

I went downstairs and turned off the laptop. And then cried.

How many precious minutes did I lose because I had to check my email one last time? How many moments did I miss because I had to check my friends on Facebook? How many giggles did I not hear because I was downloading music to my iPod? And how many times did I say, "In a minute" - when asked "Mommy, will you come outside with me?"

Too many. And I can't get them back.

Nani started school last week. It's her second year of preschool. She only goes twice a day in the morning for 2 1/2 hours. She also started ballet class. She only goes once a week for 45 minutes. On Fridays, we have MOPS. That's every week for 3 hours. When I add that up - that's almost 6 hours a week that she's not with me. The rest of the time with her is mine.

The possibilities of what we could do with that time are endless.....we could take walks, we could play Barbies, we could bake cookies, we could sit on the swing and read books, we could color or paint, we could chase her sister around and I could tickle both of them until they laugh themselves breathless.

There is a balance. I just need to work harder to find it.

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It Could Have Been MY Husband.....

Yesterday, I received some terrible news that no military wife wants to hear -- "Blackhawk down!" It seems that a Blackhawk helicopter crew from Kentucky was doing some training in the mountains west of where I live. They ran into some trouble and sadly, crashed....rolling down the mountainside. From the crew of four, three are confirmed dead and the fourth is not expected to survive. While we don't know the identities yet, we are still waiting, holding our breaths to see if any of the crew members was someone that we knew. (UPDATE: The fourth crew member was pronounced DOA at the hospital - so now all four crew members have died in the crash.)

It could have been my husband.

Last night, after My Marine got home, I allowed myself to sit in the quiet dark of our living room and let loose the tears that I had been holding in all day. While I was able to get a hold of My Marine as soon as I heard of the crash - which allowed the knot in my stomach to unwind a bit - I knew that somewhere in Kentucky, someone was walking up and ringing the doorbell of an unsuspecting wife. That everything she knew to be safe and calm and normal would be turned upside down in one single instant with just a single phrase - "We're sorry to inform you....."

I haven't felt that terrified since My Marine was in Iraq. One morning, I got up early and saw on the news that a Blackhawk had crashed in Iraq, but there was no information about the unit, where the crash was, or injuries. I immediately checked my computer for an email or to see if My Marine was online (something we normally did during those early morning hours, my time.) He wasn't on and there was no email from him. I tried not to panic. I immediately called our FRG (Family Readiness Group) leader and left her a voice mail asking her if she had heard anything, then next called my good friend to see if she had heard from her husband. Over the next half hour, my phone rang off the hook....but no one knew anything. I still hadn't gotten any word from My Marine and I was starting to panic. Fortunately, my parents were staying with me at the time. My dad was up when I got the news of the crash and I told him what I knew - which wasn't much. For the next 6 hours, I cried, panicked, and prayed. Every time a car drove by on my street I wondered if it was the notification team coming to tell me something about my husband. When the doorbell rang, I looked at my dad and couldn't move. I couldn't answer the door. I wanted to maintain those last few minutes of a normal life -- in case it was the chaplain. It only turned out to be the mailman. My sweet mailman who would hand-deliver my mail to the door during the whole deployment just so he could check on me and Nani. He had heard about the crash too and wanted to see if I knew anything or if I was ok. I looked at him through teary eyes and told him - just don't ring the doorbell again. He looked like I slapped him and immediately apologized for being so callous. I did manage a smile and told him that it was ok and from now on, just tap the front window. To this day, it's still our little signal that he's checking on me.

Anyway - an hour later, I heard the familiar "ding-dong" of my husband coming online and entering the chatroom that we had set up before he left. I practically flew up to the computer and cried tears of relief to see his name on the computer screen. His first words in our chat -- "It wasn't us....we're all ok." At that moment, I took the biggest breath of my life and said many prayers of thanks for his safety.

Last night - all those feelings came flooding back again when I heard about this crash. And I know I'm going to have to face these fears again when he deploys again. I know that there is an element of danger to what he does. I don't think about it every single day. I can't or else I'd go insane. But it's cases like this where I have to stop and think and say that extra prayer to God and My Marine's Guardian Angel for keeping him safe and for guiding the pilots to do their jobs well.

It's the only thing that I can do.

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Wordless Wednesday

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